I am too complicated,
to be placated by a simple life,
I crave a new adventure,
only if for a night.

It was hard hearing
you admit that you
would never love me
all those years
ago.

It's years later and
It's even harder admiting
that I still wish you
could have said
you would try.

Just how did she know that you were back in town?

and how did she know to call you when she was down?

Why were you with her, when you should have been with me?

•••••

Its cold when your lying alone in bed at 10 pm
wishing he were there.

And even chillier when you find out

later

that he was with his ex the same night.

•••••

There are ice shards stabbing my fingertips,
when I touch his side of the bed.

I just roll over,
release a shiver

and pull the covers
to my chin,

as my eyelids freeze shut
and my breath crystalizes
as I settle into
our empty nest.

I hope you see this,
I want you to know
how much I miss you.

Nobody understands as well
as you do dear,
not a soul
matches with mine
quite like yours does.

I know I could just text,
but thats not nearly as potent,
as this poem,
in this moment.

I may say some are my best friends,
but you are the only person
i've said this to
and truely felt
deserved the role.

Thank you for loving me,
me of all people!
I'm so very imperfect,
and I feel I am a **** friend,
and a **** person in general.
But you still love me regardless.

I feel very alone sometimes.

I just wish you were here my dear

and that I could listen to you
play Gorillaz and Elton John tunes
on the keyboard
while lying on your purple comforter,
your snoozing boston terrier at my feet, witnessing your beautiful twinkling laughter and crystal blue eyes spark
the room around us
to life.

I know you are a few
thousand miles away,
but sometimes it just feels like
continents.

I miss you ♡

S • Skin tight, skeletal cage
both ribs and mind.

K • Keep a strict diet, never break it, always hide it from those who would disapprove, so I learned to suffered in silence.

I • Internally a growl would emit, I reveled in the power I would get from it. To know I was structured, I wasnt a jumbled mess. Like the mass jiggling, clingling to this withering carcass.

N • Never could the fat girl come back out. carve her, choke her, starve her till she lost the will to shout. Shout for help, shout for freedom, shout for love in this life. Useless, everybody knows only fit people have that right.

N • Nobody would believe if I told a soul my struggle. "You are huge, big blue
whale how can someone like you have a disorder?

Y• Yell, scream "I WANT TO BE ME"
But I can't because of our society
deeming people like me are wrong,
why should my weight define wether or not I belong?

But because it does I hate myself.
I live this life with a wish to die,
all because my body is not
S•K•I•N•N•Y

When my stomach is rumbling,
I skip another meal,
and my clothes get looser,
but my skin clings
tighter to my skeleton.
This is when I can honestly say
I feel truly beautiful.