Sweetness,
I hold your hips
Your eyes dilate
Alluringly
Like an eclipse
Sweetness,
Let’s saunter
Let’s dance to an apocalypse
Apocalyptic
Same as my heart is
Sweetness,
Let’s share the sins
Rain n’ bows
Soft skins

I can only feel
Cold as clay
I can only see
In black and gray
My thoughts are like a hallway
A melancholic, dark way
So don’t tell me to stay
Don’t force me
To disobey

I ask myself
Why we are all the same
The universe feels simulated  
Like an advanced video game
Lost in being
What should I gain?
Is this real?
Am I sane?
“End it, Deem. You’ll find out” Said the thoughts inside my brain
I’m no curious
But very anxious
It drives me insane
Till I ***** all of my ambitions
And praying
Those intuitions
Fade
Once again

Oh the day I celebrate your funeral‬
‪Or the day you celebrate mine‬
I’ll be the one who laughs
When others whine
Your words
Weakened me
More than my spine
Oh father, to see you dead
I’ll surely
Shine

Obnoxious people
Loud voices
My head is numb
With lots of choices
I zone out
Hearing white noises
Should I leave now?
Or forever?

Don’t remind me that I’m not alone
It’s killing me knowing that if I left
It will hurt you badly my dear
It’s killing me slowly
Knowing you will not handle it my dear
Please hate me
Release me from this loving burden
Set me free from this life that I’m not able to live
Please stop
Stop trying to make me happy
Stop forcing me to pretend that you did
I can’t be
I’m not okay
You aren’t too
My heart aches for you
For your potential
I don’t know how I can thank you enough
I’m ashamed
For wanting to take my own life
I feel heavier every step I take
Knowing you would be the one
I break