My feelings are stuck in my mind
If you have time to listen - be so kind.
You are unromantic is what they tell
But my heart knows no reasons why I fell.

You pass me by daily without a glance
A glimpse from you is one in a million chance.
My soul cries of craving for you - only you
Please Sir, hear my feelings oh so true!

Do not close the door of destiny on me
Open the ears of your heart and set me free.
I do not dare ask that you love me in return
Let me confess my emotions which brightly burn.

Love,
Your secret admirer

You bring out the fear in me, the unbearable panic in me
You bring out the weakness and the white flag
The constant feeling of worry and the need to be prepared
You bring out the negative in me, the what ifs and terrible endings
The constant anticipation of how to stop you from ruining me
You bring out the paralyzing fear in me that leaves me breathless
The tingles that spread through my hands, my arms and chest and into my stomach
slowly reaching my face, starting at my nose then spreading under my eyes
they start to twitch and my hands begin to cramp up towards my body
My muscles contracting and tightening within their free will
pretty soon my shoulders tighten up and my body is stiff and im unable to move
I can hardly breathe.....
My chest is tight and its hard to get a good breath.... I'm unable to talk..
All i can do is cry....
But this isn't the only thing you bring out in me.
You bring out the fighter in me, the side of me that doesn't want to give in. You bring out the strength that i must remind myself that i still have
You bring out the side of me that wants to understand you, that doesn't want to fear you
You bring out the DON'T STOP ******* FIGHTING in me
I wish to understand you, i know there is no getting rid of you
I want  to be able to live everyday normal..
I don't want to have that thought in the back of my mind "what if my anxiety picks up today"
I want to be happy and go on with my day and not even have to think about you.
I want to be better, i want to be strong, i want to be in control... but maybe that's it.. maybe your here to show me i cant always be in control?
Sometimes i cry because you bring out the confusion in me and the helplessness.. the fearful child that doesn't know what to do, sometimes i feel it would be easier to end it all... but i cant imagine leaving everyone i love behind... it just ***** that you bring out these thoughts and feelings.. sometimes i don't even know what I'm feeling.
I just want to be happy again

9:30 pm when my mom called me at work
Telling me to leave for a couple of weeks
My father had less than 5 days here on earth
Dying from pancreatic cancer...

I felt that the walls around me came closing in
I heard my spirit and soul got crushed into pieces
I felt the universe stopped for a couple of minutes
Yet I moved because my shift's till 10 o'clock...

I texted my buddies if they were free that night
I needed someone to lean on or cry on
I wanted someone to comfort me in any ways
None replied except "him"...

The one I secretly called my "Mr. Left" for years
Whom I confessed my love two years prior
Who didn't want my romantic feelings for him to grow
Who I stayed friends with despite his rejection...

"I'm at a nearby park just strolling," he texted me
My heart beat wildly with certain decisions to make
Should I go and accompany him around the city?
Should I accept the comfort he's going to offer me?

I closed the store and blinked back the tears
That starlit night I walked around the blocks in daze
Until I arrived at the park which he told me minutes ago
And then I stepped back and went inside a karaoke bar...

I sang in the darkness for two hours - completely alone
Pouring my grief, fears and heartbreak into nothingness
He never texted me again and I knew then that it ended
A Premonition of a dying friendship with him...

A person gets easily fall when he/she is vulnerable
My mother's words rang between the melodies
He was available that night yet I chose myself
To be with me, to be in touch with my own grief...

Soothing myself, "He would never understand anyway..."
Rationalizing, "I'd fall for him again if I did go..."
Better be alone and cry for many things in the night
Than to mistake his comfort as romantic love...