You will speak of how you're loving yourself,
And how you hate me.
I will speak of how I loved you,
And how I'll always hate myself.
You will speak of how I took everything from you,
I'll explain how hard I tried never to take anything from you.
You will speak of how there's so many men who are better and will give you the world,
I'll accept that I'm not the best, and all I owned was this one room in this building in this city in this country in this world.
There will have been so many who owned everything I didn't,
And they could spoil you with their wealth,
Yet even amongst my poverty,
I was always willing to give everything I had to you.
And although I knew it wasn't enough to fix  everything,
I wished it would've counted as much as it cost me.
You will speak of how I was nothing and you're better off now.
I will speak of how you were everything and I wish you had stayed.

I wrote no poems,
then I wrote them all at once,
falling into the satisfaction
diving into the acceptance
that he is all I could ever want
all I could ever need
all I had never dared ask for,
My heart was quiet,
then it shouted and sang all at once
it asked to be with him
it asked to deserve him
it promised to treasure him,
and all at once
quickly
deeply
I was encased
in unwavering loyalty and adoration
and I would not
deny it.

I can't breath
too close to me
beauty it hurts
it hurls the oxygen
I can't breath
too close to me
everything I'll never be
ice cold babe
devour the weak
you are made of stars
I am made of dust
irrelevancy
suffocating
lock the door
in the morning I'll freeze
CryoBabes don't talk
to Povys like me

I've dirtied these palms
Mistakes from before
I've killed off my demons
They all ran like the wind
I've buried myself in bodies
Hoping to find something again
I've never been so lost
Such a gallery of faces,
none of them mean anything

I poured myself into vases
As if by doing so I could
Keep alive these fragile beautiful things

You
You drive me nuts
All I can do is think of you
And how you so easily control me

I pride myself on being independent
But all you do is look at me
And craving your control
I become yours

Craving your hand on my throat
Your marks on my body
The immobility from your control
Your body pressed against me

I must feel your bite on my skin
You pulling my hair
Your hands roaming my body
Your breath on my chest

I must hear you say "mine"
The quit sound of undoing my bra
Your sigh of approval as you look at me
Your breathing next to my ear

I must see you smile at me
The pride in your face for having me
The relaxed version of you
The controlling you

You make me crazy
But I'm addicted
I must have more
You

Eyes closed as I lay,
I wish you were here to stay
yet fear envelopes my aching chest
and I worry that I'll never
rest beside you.
So I lie awake and count the breaths I take,
each one feeling wasted as
the only piece of you that lingers
is your
absence.