It’s amazing how quickly I can shift
My moods are always wild
Absolutely no consistency
Just two days ago
I had the best day I’ve had in months
Maybe even all year
And now
I sit here
Pathetic
Disgusting
Solitary
And I can’t tell
If I feel nothing
Or if I’m in intense pain
I want to drown
I want to hurt
I want to laugh
Idk
I’m just..... wrong.....

She's only 14
Her whole life's ahead of her
Yet she feels like she's 30
And her life's about to end
Wanting it so badly
Her heart is hurting
Feeling the road has end

Tomorrow she's got school
Second to last of the year
Yet
Can she even last a minute?
She wonders
She ponders
She cries
Feeling her whole world
Took a hit from an avalanche
Of everything

What a loss it would be
What a loss

A waste of time
A waste of space
How could one so terrible
Be any good?

She's only 14
But
She's gotten drunk
She's overdosed
She's cut
She's tried to die
So many **** times
She's changed for everyone
She's almost ran away
Tried once
Didn't get far
When she got back
Nobody noticed
She could have been touched
She doesn't know!
She was asleep
**** it
She was asleep!

How can she
Be any good
When she's done these things?
How can she
Be any good
When she's reminded at least 5 times a day
That she's a tool
That she's hideous
That she's a mistake
That she's annoying
That nobody gives a ****
If she lives or dies
Hell
They told her
"Why do you bother?"

She's only 14...
Only 14...

- Jay M
June 9th, 2019

Push me
Slap me
Kick me
Throw me out
Punch me
Scratch me
Beat me
Stone me
Hang me
Frame me
Torture me
Make me bleed
**** me
But still
I will always
Always
Love you...

No matter the pain
You put me through
For some reason
I won't stop
Loving you
Defending you
With all my might
With every fiber
Of my being
I will fight for you
Until I am so broken
I know not a single reason
But to fight

Even so
Is this good?
Am I still me?
Or am I a machine?
For I have no feelings
I am numb
Only wanting to stay
And fight
For the ones close to me
Yet I feel nothing
But boundless pain...

So tell me;
What is my fate?

- Jay M
June 9th, 2019

In this moment so long
There is a figure
Standing
Alone in their sorrow
Wailing out their soulful cries
Wishing so strongly
To have said a proper farewell

Peace, peace
The blind wish
A divine, indeed
Yet so temporary
It only lasts for a moment
Before chaos breaks
With the turn of the tide

Hear me, oh sorry one
I hear your cries
To the fates each night
"Grant me love, to last forever!"
You cry
I hear
Longing to hold you
Alas, I cannot
For we are worlds apart
I cannot mend your broken heart
Even with the most infallible thread
It cannot be tended
Without collapse

Hear me, oh anxious one
I hear your cries
To the stars above
"Send me a sign,"
You plead
"So that I may know what to do."
You wish to know
I hear it
Your soul
Alas, I cannot help
Unless you allow me
Within those walls of stone

- Jay M
June 9th, 2019