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Mar 10 · 58
My Story, Your Story.
Stephan Mar 10
My story starts the same as all stories
With the birth of a child
The embodiment of innocence
Quick to laugh with no malice in my heart
An easy smile and a twinkle in my eyes
Since I wasn't born or raised in a tower
Since I wasn't locked away from the world
I looked, I saw and I changed.

The twinkle dimmed down
As I became a shadow of who I was
The smiles became fewer and far between
As my identity slipped away, replaced by masks
Masks forced onto me so I can fit in
To make my place in society I had to make personas
Different people living in the same body
So many that I lost the original and it is for the best
The small child I was wouldn't survive in this world
So I immerse myself in my act and keep up the faces
I switch through them daily, all for acceptance
Acceptance from a people who like me live behind masks
Weaved according to the people they want to be
Identities put together from subtly imitating others
It may be something small like the handwriting or speech pattern
Or the way of walking or even the accent
It is done subconsciously and we give it no thought
As we assemble different traits to create our person
We paint our image to resemble that of another
Who himself is painted according to another
A vicious cycle of mimickery and falsehood
Just another day under the Sun.

My heart is now an empty husk of broken pieces
A collection of shattered parts
Stuck together by the force of my will
I was told it would never lead me astray
And I followed it to my doom
I grew to hopes of true love
And dreams of being a knight in shining armor
So I was quick to give my heart
And I paid for my ignorance
With restless nights and dull days
With sweat, tears and pain
I got my due
So I did what anyone would do
I changed
Gone was the big heart full of illusions
In its place a stone wall
Raised from the bricks you threw at me
I took the ache and used it to cloud my face with indifference
As a last resort and as my final defense
Behind which lies a shell
And now I ask myself why I didn't follow the code
A code instilled in every boy and man
You see, I was raised in a happy home
I saw the look in my parents eyes and I believed
But as I grew I was told emotions are weakness
And love is non-existent
That a man's tears should never fall
So never give them a chance to
And that life may leave but pride is all
And this was the code
Yet I still believed
I stripped down of it all
Even the pride that I struggle to keep
And I look back on it as I weep
I guess heartless would have been the better way to be.

My laughter disappeared as the smile left my face
My joy turned to cynicism
I speak in harsh tones due to the snark in my voice
I became a resentful creature
And I blame the world for my waste.

My innocence dragged down to oblivion
By the weight of my sins
My mistakes hold me back like chains on my shins
I am shackled by regrets
They're the cuffs on my wrists
And when my time comes to be a father
I will bend my knees and look to the skies
And beg the Lord to have pity on my son
May he not suffer his wrath for the sins of his Dad
May he survive the ways of man
May he hold his head high and stand against the world
May he love, may he weep, may he laugh, may he live
May he find joy, may he beat sin
There is no atonement for me but there is a chance for him
And when I lay on my death bed I will spare a glance to the past
And grieve for the child I was and the man I have become
And when Death knocks on my door and whispers in my ear
"We are going to Hell; you're coming with me"
I will look into his eyes with a smile and ask
"When do we leave?"
Mar 9 · 79
Player Player
Stephan Mar 9
Player, player
Watch your game
An ace from the deck of hearts
A weaver of words
An enchanter and a charmer
A liar, a breaker and a faker
An atrocity for some
A role model for more
A flawed human for none
The views vary and intertwine
Like the guilt he carries from acting like a swine
Blends with the reason he won't leave it all behind
Is it because he is a heartless monster?
He enjoys breaking hearts as he pleases
He is a ******* who plays with the feelings of women
He is a macho who chases, charms, uses and dumps
He views women as an object for his carnal pleasure
He is as bad as they come and he doesn't care
He has no morals
He is a menace
Or is it because he doesn't know any better?
Is it because he was raised in a society which approved and encouraged him?
Was he born that way or was he nurtured by the same society that now condemns him
Is it because he was taught that emotions are weakn ess
And that in his search for validation he lost himself and became what he is
Is it because he was told that a man's tears should never flow
That he now fears putting himself in a position which would allow it
As he is a lone soul navigating through life
Do you blame him for doing what everyone else is doing
Do you blame him for trying to the fit in the patriarchal society he was born into
Or do you blame yourselves for allowing yet another man to be lead astray
For making him what he is today?
I am in no way excusing his actions because he is grown
And he knows what he is doing is wrong
But my question is this,
Is it because he doesn't care or he just doesn't know how to?
We are quick to judge but never admit our own faults
Where there are thieves, killers and rapists
There is also a society that set up the conditions that lead to their existence
There is a people that hush up and hide crimes against their own blood
All for the sake of keeping face
We downplay the pain and dismiss it as attention seeking
While we preach the gospel of heartlessness
And still we rush to judge the product of our teachings
Blame a man for his actions
But remember we grow into what we become
So yes, blame him for his actions but question the reasons
And try to understand the reasoning behind the reasons
You'll be surprised what you find.
So player player
Watch your game
You were not born, you were made
You're not the only one to blame
Mar 7 · 78
Stephan Mar 7
Dear demoiselle en détresse,
I’m sorry I’m not the prince charming you expected
Who would run after you as the clock hit midnight
Or fight my way through all perils to free you from your slumber with a kiss
I’m sorry I’m the one who would rather spend his evening in his room
Surrounded by books rather than waste the night away at a party
The one who’s idea of a perfect date is eating our way through a pizza
While talking about everything and nothing
Instead of a candlelight dinner making promises we both know we can’t keep
The one who ***** with the jocks
Reads with the nerds
Hangs with the stoners
Says hi to the outcasts
The one who belongs everywhere and nowhere at the same time
The loner
The one who would love you for the color of yours eyes over what catches the eye
The one who would love the words coming out of your lips over the sway of your hips
The one who would ask you about your favorite book instead of the number followers you have
I’m sorry I am the guy who would trick the dragon instead of fighting it
I’m sorry I ain’t the knight in shining armor
I’m just the guy telling him where to strike with his sword
And even if you look past that
I’m sorry I want a companion who would ride by my side
Not a trophy wife to hang and brag about
I’m sorry I always ***** my finger on the thorns of the roses
Which is why next time I’ll pray for a sunflower
Mar 7 · 239
To Love In Vain
Stephan Mar 7
It was a normal day when fate put you in my way
A gift or punishment, I'll never know
You were a revelation, a sight from heaven
At the time I had forgotten that the devil himself was an angel
And you were a perfect advocate with your skinny jeans, crop top and sneakers
So I fell hard and with no restraint
For your attention I'd endure every pain
For your love, I'd walk through the strain
I took it all in my stride all for hope
Hope that you would notice me
Hope that it would finally click that I'm the only one for you
I was wrong
Oh, how I was wrong
But like every man blinded by love and lust
From afar I could swear you knew
You knew just what to do to make me sink deeper
That extra sway in your hip when I was in the room
That mesmerized me so much I didn't notice it was for the man you'll leave with soon
That fleeting look you would throw my way
That drowned me so deep in those hazelnut eyes
I didn't see you were just looking at the mirror behind me
The way you'd brush against my arm in a crowd
Your perfume twisted, turned, tore, shred me and put me back together
But too late for me to realize you had just slipped
But how could I have noticed with the smile you leveled my way
Even now I still feel my heart pounding when I remember how you said my name
It was an innocent gesture
But for a drowning man your voice was the rope to shore
You were both my illness and my cure
I craved for you
I dreamt of you
I cried for you
I took humiliation after humiliation for you
I took you friend's jokes
I took the ribbing, I took the pokes
I took the taunts, I took the laughter
I took the leers, I took the sneers
I took the critics, I took the insults
They said I didn't deserve you
They said I never had a chance
But I brushed it all off
You know why?
Because they were only repeating why my heart told me every night
Because I knew
Lord knows I knew
I knew you were too good
I knew you were not meant for me
I knew you were never going to be mine
I knew I was just another random person in your life
But who would have blamed you for not noticing me
I was nothing big
I didn't catch the eye
I wasn't the star ball player
I wasn't the rich *******
I wasn't the celebrity
I was invisible
So I should have known something was wrong when you noticed
I should have questioned why you finally saw me
But hope is a tricky thing
And when it has planted its roots in your heart
It grows
And my hope grew indeed
Watered by your voice, your touch, your presence
In essence you were the fuel
You turned the flames in my heart into a blazing inferno
And under the shade of a palm tree when you touched your lips to mine
When you fulfilled my fantasy
I was too far gone
I was sold
And I paid for it
With my tears
With broken pieces of my heart
With the ache in my chest
With the sting in my eyes
I paid.

— The End —