I'm forever chained to my own self which feels like a dark cave
My heart feels so strained As well as my brain
My clarity has been drained
Will I ever stop choking on my thoughts
I wanna blow my ******* brains and get out before I turn into level infinity insane
I can barely walk without my tummy turning into knots  
My stomach is full with my thoughts
My heart is beating but I can’t hear it over my internal screaming
Losing sleep thinking about if my life has meaning
I don’t wanna go back to reality *** my reality is not pleasing it’s just a lot of ******* and people talking with such lack of meaning
Like shut up I am screaming
I know you can’t hear the demons
But look past my eyes and and see me dreaming
Dreaming of such a happy little sober life
I know if I blink twice it will happen right?
Or will the fight just cause me to lose my battle tonight?
My heart feels so strained as well as my brain
My clarity has been drained
Wanna dip out my brain and stop this ******* pain I can’t deal anymore Heart feels so sore
Body feels so sick
Please ******* you evil little ***** tryna target at my mind all of you stole my shine
I used to feel so bright  
I used to love to write
But my energy has been turned off like a light
barley sleep at night
But when I close my eyes I see loud sounds pounding in my foggy sight
Never dreamed of wanting to die but tonight it got too much and my feelings welled up inside causing me to pick up the pad and write
I don’t know what will happen to me
But i guess we’ll see I’ll just keep writing poetry

I unlocked the door to the other world
I swallowed the key for a few hours then I projected it back up into my hand
Back into the muted land
I miss all the colors and all the sounds
Everything was better
So much more clearer and the world felt less round
The trees were glowing with breathtaking sound
It was still so scary and eerie and made me feel dreary but not as dreary as here
I need to find the key again
The key to my sanity
The key to my invisibility
The key to my mind where I could see all the stars align
Everything was melting and flying
My mind was at peace for such a short time
I do not want to be HERE I would rather die than to not live in that sound mind
My key... I will find the.

I feel like I’m immortal and all alone
Everything is stripping my soul
From the food I eat to what I wear
There will never be anything that makes me feel complete and self aware
Don’t hand me a tissue it will **** the trees
Let me dry my eyes with your flesh under the wet soaked moon light
Don’t give me a reason to stay because you to will soon fade away
When the sun rises tomorrow please dry my residue up because one day you to will get through this pain
Close the fridge door and don’t let out the cold air because it will only bring you despair
I know the trees are hollow and the sun is bright and it doesn’t make sense that they to need daylight
Why can’t the moon make the flowers grow?
Why can’t snow water the plants and why can’t the rain be dry?
Why can’t the summertime be Icy and chilly? And why cannot I be alright?

“Poem for Paul”

He carries a revolver in his hand
He tells me he hopes he’s going to the promise land
Playing Russian roulette wishing for death
He carried that revolver for around for 12 hours never feeling safe or sound
His soul weeped and his heart cried
He so badly just wanted the pain to step outside
He smoked and he drank to feel more than just pain
He said his heart was broken and it could never be replaced and his sins couldn’t be washed away
He said his soul was like black tar ******
And after those words I knew I would never see him again
I knew the old us was the end us
But my heart still beats for him and I wish I could comfort him
His soul was purer than he thought
He used to talk me out of my suicidal thoughts
Losing him would be like losing my other half
I would be dark and cold submerged in a bath
His voice is so sad and his eyes are so black
I wish he wasn’t being attacked
I just wish I could win his soul back.