You should ask my lover if I am a good person
He'll tell you all about the girl he fell in love with
He'll tell you how through his eyes she was perfect
And all of her mental disorders became nothing

But what is happening to me?
I started to let go of myself
I started to not care about anything anymore
You might think he left but all he told me was "I can handle it"

And what did I do?
I left him because of the circumstances we were in
Because my parents hate him and seeing him was too hard
I no longer saw light at the end of the tunnel
Nor with him, nor with myself

I am such  a bad person
I drive those who are good to me away
And I attract those who are bad to me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

You know, I get this image of us dancing together in serenity
In a place where we are no longer bothered by the circumstances
It's not fair that I don't get to choose anything anymore
As I write in tears I remember what we used to be
And how we never got our last first dance

All the ones I
Love the most have

Someone they love
More than me.

The truth of it is
Beautiful;

That lonely knowing
Sets me free.

The legless fly,
The voiceless sing.

There's love in every
Living thing.

And in that love
I bask and laugh,

Composing my own
Epitaph:

All gods are real, and
Therefore none, and

Hell hath merely
Room for one.

All the ones I love
The most

May barely know a
Man from ghost.

I love their rains, their
Suns and soils,

Their loving others form
The spoils that go

To me right where I
Stand to see:

I need not even
Me.

I set up a place
to mourn,
like a Mother & her dead,
a deep & sacred peaceful bed,
she sleeps & she weeps,
beneath,
a vigilia soaking moon,
a flickering flame
of love snuffed out way too soon,
& boy that thing can really croon,

Death of a friendship,
& maybe romance,
gone in the wind,
we hadn't a chance,
or a last dance,
a last shooting star
came in cutting in deep
left a painful, poignant scar,
dug it down just a little bit too far,
put it on the shelf and put it in a jar,

You're shining,
& I'm the one who's endlessly whining,
because your light,
your light is ever shining so very bright,
shining, shining, shining,
a heart is ever-pining

Cuz' I sit 'neath the florescent light
that took my sweet & needed sight,
exposed to your external radiation,
composed in your internal frustration,
imposed by your nocturnal causation
& endless is the aggravation,

Wanting to glow & wanting to go,
wish that I didn't ever know,
that florescent ink, I stare & blink
Never stop to wonder & think,

Hey I'm burned, I'm blinded
you think I would be reminded,
you know I never really learned,
such star crossed lovers
never under starlit skies
& star kissed covers,
over me they hover,
hover

I got a million reasons to let you go
& ya you know,
ya know,
I should run for the hills
take some kinda pills,
lose every bit of  my will,
I should just.....

walk away,

No I should never let you leave early
or stay, but anyway,

you come,
in lucent technology,
appear on the screen,
I think hold on, this must be a dream,
your not exactly what you might seem,

I know it's my voice, so yeah it's my choice,
& in its sound I do rejoice,

but I missed,
I missed,
as I kissed that passing tear,
but I've lived to fight another year,
as it travels here no more,
no, no more,
instead she's the one,
knocking,
waiting  at your door
your door, your door,

hey knock, knock, knock,
tick tock tick tock I hear the clock,
ohhhhhh...oh, oh,
hey boy is anyone with you
tonight?

Cherie Nolan© 2016