Forgetting you means survival when
I care means nothing cause
Your actions mean I'm not good enough or
Maybe they mean she's easier but
not talking doesn't help
you define best friend or
future or
3 am phone calls
So why don't you just talk
and mean what you say

River boats float along,
up and down
from side to side,
Putney to
Rotherhithe

all this
stems from the Thames
the arterial tree

for the sailor in me the Thames will do
on a flat bottomed barge
muddling through to
St Katherine's and Tobacco dock, to
Tower bridge and make a stop

Ferries and Wherries and
waterways
days on the Thames

making friends
with the mudlarks, the spivs
the preachers, the sharks
all parts of the stem
a branch of the tree

life is for me from
the Thames to the sea.

The sad thing about writing your poems on the internet
Is that you can't hear my tone
Like... Seriously, I would have so many likes if you could just hear the drama in my voice
If you feel my emotion through my sound waves

The sad thing about NOT writing your poems on the Internet
Is that without this, I have no voice
The emotion felt when reading my poem
Is not something I don't portray In the physical world
...Not that anyone would care if I did

I cry and they call my tears fake and unnecessary
I smile and they say my happiness is undeserved and childish

In the end online poetry is my voice
though it deprives me of my tone

The girl that's heart is broken
Isn't the girl she used to be
She's bitter and bruised
Her hearts like a puzzle
And He took half the pieces
She has to live without out them
As she learns how to live without him

I just wish that you could have known, how badly it was that I needed you to make me feel special.
Like I was worth a little time focused on me, like I was worth rushing home to.
Just to be a shoulder to cry on, to be the protector.
Where we wouldn’t have to do anything,
I wish you could have wanted to be there for me, known how hurt I am inside and how little I feel.
I wish I still meant something to someone,
Like I belonged somewhere.
Like I wasn’t just the last thing on the list to cross off.
Cause I don’t want to not matter anymore.
I wish you could have seen that I needed you to need me.
I needed to be loved, and just be acknowledged, for someone to understand that I feel like I have no meaning anymore.
Not a single reason to exist.

I wish I didn’t know that you would walk out the the door, and just make some crack about me.
I wish my life wasn’t just this, being alone, thinking about all the memories in my head.
I wish I wasn’t just a joke to everyone.
I wish you still thought the world of me, and you can say you do,
But you don’t, you can’t and behave like this.

You cant take one hour away from your phone, or a day away from your life.
To be there for me.
I said I would try, but it hurts cause you are still going on your path,
that is so far from the one I need to regain my life.
It hurts a lot that youre not here, especially today.
Cause today is the anniversary of the worst day of my life,
And the most traumatic too.
You didn’t even think about that, or what that is doing to me.
You didn’t care when you walked out the door that I felt like this.
You still went and made that crack to your new friends.
You still left and I still wont really cross your mind.
I really needed to though,
Cause now I think I know for sure.

That I will never be what I once was to you.
We will never get that back,
That you are already gone.
You can say it is for money, you can say it is for me.
But the truth is, if it was for me,
You would’ve seen the thing I needed was just time and love,
With no judgments.
No sighs, no insults, no little digs about the time you had made for me,
or the potential money lost.
Cause we need money yes,
But what is money gonna do when I have totally lost who I am?

Will you be there for me at all when I just stare off into space,
because I feel that I am closer to that than anything right now.