Our generation refuses to "catch feelings"
But we party to music about love

I never wanted to go to collage
that was your dream
I never wanted to be an officer
those were your footsteps
but you made me go
made me live in your shadow
I lived under your thumb
I lived in your wake
to scared to brave the waves
without your break
but being alone
living in my own light
while living out your dream for me
I found myself
I found my voice
to say enough
I didn't whisper it
I screamed it
from the top of Paine mountain
and I dropped out
and you dropped out of my life
no I wont have a degree
but better than a degree
you don't control me
it is my path to walk
I don't live for money
I don't live for success
I live for peace
not on earth
but within me
I have things that scream inside me
and only my dream will silence them
I swore in yesterday
I'm the armies now
you don't approve
oh well
I swore you off years ago
I'm on my own path now

I'm proud of me
What I do now you'll never get to see

If you stay in one place
with no burden on your shoulders
other than that of life
then you will live
slow and steady
some days hard
some days nice
no shame in that life

But if you travel
with a burden on your back
its weight
will draw you to others
they to will carry hardships
they wont share yours
but they will share theirs
and from their story
you can learn
you can learn much from them
the people who aren't scholars
they who aren't great men
who aren't great anything
who are the opposite
broken hurt and beaten
they who are bruised
though they aren't noble
they are wise
in only the way that a broken man can be wise

It is from them
more so than from books
that you can learn about the journey
that we call life

I keep a list one by one writing a name
I cant remember that nights dame

Over and over again
I find a new stranger to commit a  mortal sin

One night cant fix a heart
One night with a stranger won't un-tear me apart

A name I forgot hours ago
Won't fix anything I still have torment to undergo

Yet time and time again
Here I am ready to commit a mortal sin

No
You say "you don't know her
She's brilliant
she's understanding
She's the best person I've ever met
she's my hopes
my dreams
(gone)"
A fantastic character

I hate to always be the bearer of truth,
But, I've read her cover to cover
She's shallow and superficial
She puts up a facade of a unique individual and yet she's just within the boundary of normalcy.

I've examined all of her (superfluous) pages of work
And they only skim the surface of humanities skin
Circling around the moles and scars that pucker truth-
Brail for the the blind

I've dug deep within her words and read between each space bar
And there lies no feeling- no emotion...
Sheer unintended apathy

Still-With many attempts:
She doesn't capture the essence of regret or sorrow
She merely spits at its feet
And it shows
Because the pain she displays vanishes
From her readers
From the pages
From the words
From the letters
From the simple spaces
From the idea itself

And yet this somehow captivates you
Yet unbeknownst to you- you are not regret, nor are you sorrow,
You are simply embodying what she barely grasps in hopes to find what lies beneath for yourself

But you're burrowing into someone who hasn't yet lived or loved-
Who can't describe the burning bubbles that pop in your eyes from the tears of contempt
Who can't fathom deflation of breath in your shallowing lungs, nor the dam constricting your veins' blood at loss

She can't break down completely with you dangling along
So
She
Keeps you just within reach to describe something she encounters
Something she caused
Something she can never embody  because  her "emotions" are a half lie:A secure defense
For power over others

I'm not sure when
I fell asleep,
but suddenly
I had fallen
into night's
embrace

Can you hear me?
can you hear me in
the blue of slumber
where I'm not even
aware
I'm
reaching out for
you

I want to know
you love me
just like I
want to know
the moment where
my mind
succumbs
to quiet and
lets my tired
body sleep

I need you so much
I almost
cannot
sleep.