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I challenge myself,
To do what?
Write of course!
But you already write,
No no not that often.
Not like I would like to...

But that changes...

Now
What is my life?
A rollercoaster of ups and downs,
A climb up a hill,
Only for gravity to pull me down,
Why does it feel this way?

Does the universe hate me?
Whenever I get happy,
I mean consistently happy,
Why does something crumble?
Starts as a small break,
Sometimes,
Others are a siege upon my world,
A battle I'm unprepared for.

Then tell me,
Tell me what to do,
I wish to be happy,
I wish to smile,
Without fear of sadness.
How much more payback,
Do you require?

May I ask one thing then?
There is something,
Or someone,
I wish to find a piece of happiness,
With them.
May I have that as,
An untainted happiness,
My constant smile,
The only rollercoaster,
That never falls.
Idk I feel lost
i don't feel like,
Writing,
Emotions...
how about
instead
i
Explore?
YOU!

hmm...
with YOUR Permission
continue but be Warned...
May i Explore YOU?
to me YOU are a
Unique, Beautiful, Lovely Being
no matter how Similar we are
we are Different,
i LOVE that.
isn't that Interesting?
well to me yea

back to Exploration
May i Explore YOUR Being?
YOUR Cute Eyes
stealing my gaze,
forced to pay Attention,
trapped to Learn Everything about YOU.

All YOUR Different Looks,
Happy, Sad, Scared, Strong, Weak,
May i Explore YOU?
One-Of-My Rules is i Trust Everyone
unless Shown-Otherwise,
i mean i want Everyone to
Smile!

i don't know where to go from here,
Honest but i Feel i will have more.
YOU will know when i return
i will always ask you for Permission.
there's more of YOU to Explore
i hope i have caught YOUR Gaze!
i guess i capitalized All the words Important to me
Why does it cry out,
Asking for me to find it.

Instructing me to just listen,
Telling me false tales,
Lies hidden under "promises".

What do I do?
Well I'll tell you one thing,
I won't look for you,
I've been there,
Searching for just that one thing,
A temptation strong,
Yet with a weak hold up on me,
Is it the interest keeping me.

Me,
Am I the reason you keep returning,
I wish for you to disappear,
But what if,
It's because of me?

You only respond,
When I call,
Well I don't even have really call,
A craving,
We will call it,
But why for you?

Or better,
Why do you respond,
When I ask to feel,
Why is it you that answers,
As if I specifically wanted you,
What happened to have it be you,

I feel that real question should be,
Why do I cry out?
What do you do
When you're a bother
Nothing for anyone to enjoy
Something everyone can point out
They don't care for
It affects them


Is it how I look
The way I talk
Oh how about my ideas
My dress probably
Maybe the one thing to bother everyone
My smile

I should hide it once again
Only show it to the person who draws it out
Since it's unwelcome
It'll become a legend
Does it exist
What is the real smile
I have fakes to give
I can't just get rid of it
But the real one
Can be cloaked
Hidden amongst the clones
In order to spread some smile
It's the least I can do

As a bother to everyone
That's what I seem to be
I guess I'll be that way
I won't fully go blank as long as I

Remember the good
Everyone has a thing
But your good out ways the bad
Remember the good
Overcome the bad
Don't be consumed
Don't lose the smile
Remember the good
You are a fool to lose yourself
For no real reason
You forget the good?
No
You must fight it and
Remember
The
Good
This is it,
Punishment.

Yea, yea, yeah,
It was understandable,
At first,
You were young,
Love was new,
Well unfamiliar love,
Or attraction,
That's a better word,
All you knew was looks,
Short kings don't go far,
No one wants a twig,
All you had was looks,
A cute face,
A nice voice,
Nice teeth,
Until 5th grade...

When you lost the gates,
The world free to explore,
The world inside your mouth,
A free pass,
Eh I just won't smile.
How long without smiling,
It's fine you have a smirk,
One you can easily change,
Flirty,
Doubt,
No worries you found something,
Wrestling,
Well there was that temporary pause,
In highschool my sophomore year...

When I dislocated my shoulder,
Giving me another worry,
Without a smile,
Now without an arm,
Crazy!
Eh just another change,
Slowly losing confidence,
Yet forcing a change...

That leads us to now,
As an adult,
The man formed from it all,
The trauma,
The lost confidence,
It all formed an odd one,
Someone who writes it all,
Because any sight of you,
Well a beauty,
But now things happen...

To where I react,
Oddly,
Feeling of a swollen tongue,
At the sight of a beauty,
Or whoever my mind seems so,
The sudden freezing of my eyes,
Lost thoughts,
Unable to approach,
The hardest feeling to fight,
Yet I have been unable to do so,
I can only do things,
All in passing,
Hopefully you catch on,
Please do...

A punishment!
The closest I can get,
Words amongst each other,
With you in mind,
You within the words...
I can say it now,
I officially feel it,
I am a coward.
No good reason either,
For am I not knowledgeable,
In how to approach a beautiful person?

Yet,
When I wanted to smile towards you,
My face could only freeze blankly,
If you saw or not wouldn't have mattered.
The only thing was for me to do it,
A physically attractive person,
Someone who,
(Mind my language tis the best I have),
Forced the back of my tongue to swell,
So that I may not breathe,
Not to produce a sound,
Not for thought to escape,
And apparently,
Not for any emotion to show.

A coward that is what I am,
Never able to fight the weakness,
Yes a weakness,
Yet one that holds me,
For whenever I see a beauty,
One that my mind goes...
Well,
Bonkers for physically,
But then I face this wall,
Maybe I'm allergic,
That's it!
Just because I freeze around,
Physically attractive people doesn't mean,
I'm a coward,
It means I'm allergic,
My reaction is my swelling tongue,
But with all these beauty's,
I may need a cure...
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