Alright, alright...

Let's me be honest when I call myself out for being a narcissist.

Because I am a narcissist when it comes to things like music, or poetry, or worldview.

In short, I'm pretty terrible.

But in my narcissism, there is a bit of a God complex.

Feeling like I am invincible and unshakable. Like no one is above me and like nobody can possibly be in my way.

Like I am in control of everything.

Like God.

But definitely not like God.

I try to pull myself away from that kind of thinking because it dehumanizes me. It makes me something I don't want people to see.

It doesn't matter if I enjoy the insanity while it overtakes my body because eventually I will come to realize that this is not the life I want.

That I am better than this.

I mean...

Am I not better?

I don't know.

God?

Can you tell me?

Joseph is a gifted mind, given a coat by his father, and visions by God.

After getting out of prison, Joseph is brought before the Pharaoh , as the Pharaoh believes that Joseph is a "dream interpreter".

Joseph explains that he does not interpret dreams, he just tells what he sees in his visions, and that the visions are from God.

Pharaoh continues on to tell the 2 dreams he's had constantly:

One of 7 good ears of corn eaten up by 7 bad ears. And the next of 7 healthy cows being swallowed up by 7 sickly cows.

Pharaoh has had so many of his royal interpreters try to decipher his dreams and none of them could do it. So when he heard about Joseph, he found himself all out of options.

And Joseph delivers with this interpretation.

The 7 good ears of corn and healthy cows represent 7 years of feast, 7 years of plenty. And the 7 bad ears and sickly cows represent the 7 years of famine that will follow after. And Egypt may not survive if nothing is done.

So what can be done?

Joseph comes up with this plan:

During the years of plenty, take all the grain that Egypt has and store 1/5 of it underground. And then during the years of famine, give the 1/5 back to the people.

The plan saved Egypt from starvation and Joseph was made second in command to Pharaoh, and he continued to lead Egypt to great success.

This concept of "storing the fifth" can be applied to happiness as well.

When things go wrong, or the world is completely against you, find something you know makes you happy...

And store it somewhere you can find it later.

A good movie, your favourite comfort food, a conversation with an old friend. Something that calms you down and brings you back home.

And right now, I may not be in the middle of a 7 year famine, but I am working through a starvation of my own. So I am picking up the nearest shovel and I am digging for my stored fifth.

Problem is...

I still have no idea where it is.

Throughout our lives we develop our personality and our complicated states of mind.

And yet we still end up believing in our personal causes like it's world law. And sure, that may the most narcissistic thing I can think of right now, but it's my life is it not?

And yes, a lot of what I just said doesn't make complete sense.

So...

Just bare with me.
I just went through hell.
And it takes the bravest and best of us to come back from that.

You may not know what happened to me, so I'll pick apart my psyche so that maybe I can understand what happened to me.

So here we go.

Stick around if you want the details.

I wish people could hear music the same way I do. I almost feel bad that people can't tap into my brain and hear the musical pulled apart into sections.

Melody
Harmony
Each instrument going separately and yet all of the pieces coming together to create this...

Masterpiece.

I've tried to explain it to people.

And no matter how hard I try, nobody will ever truly understand it. And that's okay.

Hey listen, I’m not here to criticize you for spending 10 hours on YouTube or Facebook or Tumblr or whatever. I think we’re all at least a little bit guilty of going overtime online. And it’s not like that's entirely a bad thing. But sometimes we get stuck with things we don’t really need.

And I’m not asking you to abandon the internet for a day of anything. And it’s not like I have a whole lot of influence. I am just writing on a page from a person you don’t know. But still, you gotta wonder where you’ve been when you get lost online. Trust me, I’ve been there. Sometimes, we need to wake up and remember to live life again. Not because we should, but because we can. Because you’re more than you realize.  

So don’t get lost if you don’t have to. Not just on the internet, but anywhere. Remind yourself of where you’re going, and make it there. So now it’s up to you, what you decide to do is out of my control. All I can do is wish you good luck. Thanks for finding my letter.

~Letter Writer