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Kai Mar 2020
He was a hurricane.
When we met, I dismissed the rain
as a pleasant spring shower.
Everyone saw the dark clouds,
but his eyes were so bright
I thought they were the sun

After we spoke I fell harder.
The wind was pulling me in
He was amazing.
I thought I was in love.
I was a fool to think I could fall
for something so destructive.
But I guess, at the time,
I just thought he was
helping the flowers grow
instead of ripping them up
by their roots.

I said yes when I entered
the eye of the storm.
Everything was so perfect.
he was everything I wanted:
kind, compassionate,
he said I was beautiful.
But beauty doesn’t last,
everything perfect gets a scratch,
and the sun went away
as the storm raged on.

He was a hurricane.
He said he would **** himself
when I needed to leave
so my anxiety would go back to normal.
I never liked the sound of thunder
and his voice boomed with every word.
he came to school with
bandages on his arms
and blamed it on me
because I had fallen asleep
and forgot my phone was on silent.

He was a hurricane.
I fought for my life
and he won.
When I got to heaven,
she was there.

She is heaven.
Her eyes hold the secrets of the universe.
Her hands fit perfectly in mine
and she lead me away from the storm.
She says she has been trying
since the beginning,
but he was like a car crash.
I couldn’t stop staring.

She is heaven.
Her laugh is filled with butterflies
and her smile is brighter than any star.
She says my name and I melt.
I have wanted to see heaven for so long,
but I couldn’t begin to fathom the beauty
I would see in front of me.

I knew about heaven.
I knew her energy couldn’t be matched.
I knew her happiness was short-lived,
when everyone wanted it to be forever.
I knew heaven was someone else’s hell.
I knew my heaven had been hurt.
I knew she had been through hurricanes.
But there is so much about heaven I never knew

I did not know how blissfully ignorant
my wonderful heaven could be.
Heaven has a short temper.
She’s sassy and sarcastic in the best way.
She can hold her own, but sometimes
she wants you to hold her
because being someone’s heaven is hard.
She told me I was her heaven.

I was her heaven after so many hurricanes

When he finally killed my spirits,
she brought them back.
He was a hurricane
that brought me straight to heaven,
and I couldn’t be happier.
finally found her, and now i want to lose her all over again
Kai Feb 2020
Why are you leaving?
you could stay here with me
and with her.
She’s the reason you’d stay
and yet you’re going off to Texas in August
and you’ll be even more distant
then you already are.
She’ll break up with you the day you leave
and I’ll be here to put you back together
like I have been the past four times

Why are you doing this?
You’re going to die out there
I know you’ve been training for years
but I don’t know how to train myself
to stop the tears
when the next war starts
and you’re there
in the middle of the battlefield.
You’re supposed to have a family with her,
so why are you risking everything?

Why do you insist on
laughing in the face of death?
You’re insane, or maybe just depressed.
Either way, you’re going to get killed
and when I see you in hell
I’m going to **** you again
for being such an idiot
and breaking the promise you made me.
if I have to suffer through watching you
get broken by her over and over
the least you could do
is keep your promise
and stay alive for me.

You know I’ll miss you.
Your stupid hair, your sad eyes,
your dumb smile that makes me melt,
your awful contagious laugh,
all the teasing and jokes
that make me want to walk away,
but you always pull me back in
saying “c’mon, you know you love me.”
And every time you’re right.
If only you loved me the way you love her.

You say you did.
You loved me.
But somewhere along the way,
when I was picking up
the pieces of your heart,
when you said you’d wait for me,
someone took the piece of you
that loved me
and threw it away.

Poems are personal so maybe
it was a mistake to give you this,
but seeing you in my dreams
alongside everyone that will
fight with you when the time comes......
I couldn’t keep it in.
I had to tell you.
I love you.
And you promised that
you would stay alive,
even if you had to take me with you.
I wish you still meant that

But maybe that message
was meant for her.
The one you’re always with.
The one who keeps breaking you.
The one that’s going to leave you again,
like she has so many times before.

If you didn’t just get the wrong number
or somehow got our names mixed up,
then I want you to know
I’ll still travel the world with you.
I’ll stay with you wherever you’re stationed
and pray to God that you come home.
Because all I want
is for you to stay alive.

So please
stay alive,
for me?
i tried so hard to make you care about me. you told me to throw this away. ***** you.
Kai Dec 2019
What am I to you but a body to control?
I am nothing.
I survive off of you alone
Without your thoughts I am dead.
Without your hands on me
To support my back I melt.
You hold my hips to
Keep my spine aligned.
You are my savior.

You are my protector
Except when you are too busy
To keep me on my feet.
Except when she is more important.
Except when it is not convenient.
That is when I am just another person
I am just another body,
Just another soul.
Just someone else to leave behind
Like the ****** wrappers in your car
After yet another girl loses her everything
To you.

But you remind me that I’m beautiful
After my shirt comes off and the sun goes down
People call it manipulation
I call it love.

You only tell me that you love me when
Your hand goes beneath the sheets
Or under my shirt
Or in my hair and around my throat
While we’re at church
I feel like a ****
But hey, at least you love me.

At least you love me
When it’s convenient
For you.
This was the last straw, Ashton. Jacob was right.
Kai Dec 2019
I can’t escape these thoughts
It’s like I’m drowning
In a sea of hatred, anger, anxiety,
And the fear of losing someone
Who meant so much to me.
The world was crashing around us
And I can’t do anything to save you
From the fires of hell
Coming to get you.

You say I’m clingy, needy, codependent.
But if you took two seconds
To look at what is
Happening around us,
You’d see that I’m not
Just your clingy ex-girlfriend,
I’m clinging onto dear life
Because ******* we’re
Only hanging on by a single thread.
You grabbed it before
I could even tell we were falling

You say that I use you but
How on earth could I use you
When I can’t tell what you’re thinking?
Manipulation. Mind tricks.
All impossible when the subject is
Stuck, accusing everyone of
The same **** joke.
Newsflash sweetheart,
The joke is over.
You took us, made us forget ourselves
And now nothing in the world makes sense

I can’t escape these thoughts
Because you’re drowning me
In a sea of your hatred
Your anger
Your anxiety
Your fear.

I’m drowning.
Kai Nov 2019
I am a fragile piece of pottery,
capable of holding anything you need from me.
You can fill me with water, wine, dirt, or dust,
and I will always treat it like gold.

You were a gun, I was your target practice.
You learned to tread carefully, knowing a single word
could shatter me.

You forgot to hold your tongue,
slowly stopped caring.
You knew I was fragile,
yet you fired with intent to break me.
You needed me shattered.

I was a fragile piece of pottery,
now only a pile of cracked clay.
You never cared to clean up the mess you made,
always blaming me for my brokenness.
Your bullets left holes in the museum walls,
and I was the one who paid for every fine.

When you left,
you took the roses
with you

And I finally saw
every red flag
I was warned of.

Kai Nov 2019
The sun and moon live in harmony,
One always depending on the other
Needing his light.
Although he is not appreciated as much as the sun,
The moon is reminded of his love.

Without the moon, the sun has no one to
share his light with.
No one to enjoy his conversations,
as the stars are too afraid to get too close.
He is anxiously waiting for every dusk and dawn,
Knowing these were the only times they had.

Without the sun, the moon would be forgotten,
No one to light the night, no one to guide the footsteps
Of Night Owls across the world.
He waits patiently for dusk and dawn,
Knowing he would get to meet the sun once again.

The sun and moon live in harmony.
Although everyone disapproves of their love,
They continue to exchange stolen kisses
At every dusk and dawn

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