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Feb 2020
Why are you leaving?
you could stay here with me
and with her.
She’s the reason you’d stay
and yet you’re going off to Texas in August
and you’ll be even more distant
then you already are.
She’ll break up with you the day you leave
and I’ll be here to put you back together
like I have been the past four times

Why are you doing this?
You’re going to die out there
I know you’ve been training for years
but I don’t know how to train myself
to stop the tears
when the next war starts
and you’re there
in the middle of the battlefield.
You’re supposed to have a family with her,
so why are you risking everything?

Why do you insist on
laughing in the face of death?
You’re insane, or maybe just depressed.
Either way, you’re going to get killed
and when I see you in hell
I’m going to **** you again
for being such an idiot
and breaking the promise you made me.
if I have to suffer through watching you
get broken by her over and over
the least you could do
is keep your promise
and stay alive for me.

You know I’ll miss you.
Your stupid hair, your sad eyes,
your dumb smile that makes me melt,
your awful contagious laugh,
all the teasing and jokes
that make me want to walk away,
but you always pull me back in
saying “c’mon, you know you love me.”
And every time you’re right.
If only you loved me the way you love her.

You say you did.
You loved me.
But somewhere along the way,
when I was picking up
the pieces of your heart,
when you said you’d wait for me,
someone took the piece of you
that loved me
and threw it away.

Poems are personal so maybe
it was a mistake to give you this,
but seeing you in my dreams
alongside everyone that will
fight with you when the time comes......
I couldn’t keep it in.
I had to tell you.
I love you.
And you promised that
you would stay alive,
even if you had to take me with you.
I wish you still meant that

But maybe that message
was meant for her.
The one you’re always with.
The one who keeps breaking you.
The one that’s going to leave you again,
like she has so many times before.

If you didn’t just get the wrong number
or somehow got our names mixed up,
then I want you to know
I’ll still travel the world with you.
I’ll stay with you wherever you’re stationed
and pray to God that you come home.
Because all I want
is for you to stay alive.

So please
stay alive,
for me?
i tried so hard to make you care about me. you told me to throw this away. ***** you.
Written by
Kai  Non-binary/Drowning in thought
(Non-binary/Drowning in thought)   
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