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Snizzlefish Jun 2016
As I watch the sun go down over the pines.
I can't help but think how home smells like gin.
And how there's a certain irony to that.
How I want to drown myself in it.
And forget I ever left.
  Apr 2016 Snizzlefish
Aeerdna
I know it's hard to touch the clouds
when memories
hold you down
I know you cry a lot inside
when no one is
around
I know it is hard to wake up
sometimes
when breathing cuts so deep.

and the birds, they sing
but
you cannot hear
and the sun, it shines
but
you cannot see
and there's a lot of warmth around
but
you cannot feel.

I know it feels so hard
to live
with so many scars

but

light will shine and you will
see
and birds will sing and
you will hear

It's just a dark path
you have to walk
and I will be there
to walk along
don't hold your breath
don't give up yet
just
keep your hope
and you'll find one day
that you can fly again
for you deserve
the highest clouds
the purest air
the deepest love.

and I'll be here for you,
you, dear soul,
the sweetest lyric
of them all.
for lyric, <3

https://soundcloud.com/aeerdnaloony/for-you
Snizzlefish Apr 2016
You say you don't know what to do, what to say.
Your heart is too heavy, so it starts to pray.

He refuses to listen.
Your heart aches & your eyes glisten.
This man you call father,
Now can't be bothered.

You wish to speak.
But you are tired and he is weak.
You wish to be heard.
But his memory is foggy & his prospective has blurred.

You need answers to hard questions, such as: "You've hurt me & you don't know your family... Do you even care?"
But you're greeted by silence & a confused stare.
He then mumbles how "You've got it all wrong..."
He says you're ill-informed & goes on & on.

He is the father & you are the child,
Your claim is invalid & you remain unreconciled.
The long winded lecture then turns into some maintenance "project."
It always ends this way in retrospect.

You come back home.
And collapse into the couch with a groan.
Defeated, you speak quietly through your hands.
I wait patiently for you to start so I can understand.

"...I hope Your father never becomes like him--a man who strives to hold onto nothing but ego & wealth at the expense of his family. I hope that's something you never have to see."

He looks so deflated.
His heart is heavily weighted.
I suddenly notice he's got more laugh lines around his eyes, and how we have the same chin.
People often tell me we share the same grin.

His silent doubts & unanswered questions leave him falling apart.
My hero who always fixed my "ouchies" now sits with a bruised & heavy heart.
Because his dad never said "I love you" enough.
And I don't know what to say, because mine never stopped.
For all the kids who were left wondering, who turn into parents. People give & receive love differently, your child may not be fluent in how you choose to express it. Don't leave any doubt, words don't need translating. Tell them every day, until they get so sick of hearing it they just say "I know." I grew up knowing, I didn't realize how profound that was until I was older surrounded by broken adults who never knew.
Snizzlefish Mar 2016
I used to scroll through people's lives.
They all look so exciting.
And here I am.
Living quietly.
Content, but with nothing to show.

Now I'm posting my own happiness.
Trying to show proof of something that doesn't live here.
Now others scroll through me.
Subtext captioned, "Can I pull off the happy look? Are you envious yet?"

The sad part is we are all quietly falling apart.
You cannot document a soul,
You can only see where it's been.
You shouldn't be saying "55 weeks ago, I was happy."

That is not what a happy life is.
Happiness doesn't have time to document itself.
Happiness is candid.
It happens when you don't plan on it & rarely does someone capture it in a still.
It's hard to capture something that's always moving.
But I guarantee if it was captured, it wasn't by you.

It was captured happening to you.
You can't force it against its will.
Happiness comes fast & leaves quietly.
You can only invite it in.
Snizzlefish Feb 2016
In a shallow society it's hard to find depth.
Often we end up holding our breath for no reason.
We get comfortable wading.

And then we're caught unprepared.
Quickly we rise to the surface, coughing, breathing quickly in an environment with no added pressure.

On the surface everything is easy.
But you will never gain insight without looking down.
Shallow worries float, easily swayed--Wisdom sinks like an anchor.

Depth.
It's hard to find in a generation that measures it in oz.
I'm happy to say, my life will never fit inside a glass.

Sink into people.
Let others sink into you.
Pull me under, I beg you.
Rambling thoughts of a tired mind.
  Feb 2016 Snizzlefish
mike dm
i know
a soul
that has a poem
writing inside her.

among other things,
it has written me down, there,
on the backside of her third rib.

i, consumed
by a certain peculiar meanderlust,
curl up
along its
metamorphic edge:
riding those finishing strokes
that forever code your own typeface as such.
dm m
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