So why didn't you just stop -
Sit down on a bench and feel
The pain that you sent into the world
And left like handprints where you flung out your arms?

I can't slow you down in my mind.
I see blurred edges, I see scraps
Hurled all around me in the air,
Gusts where you've been.

What does it look like at the eye of the storm?
I asked you to look, once,
But you had grit in your eyes.

Little friend,
I want to build from words a pair of hands
To send them through the miles of night
And lift you somewhere safe

You belong in a raft full of blankets
Hanging among the stars
The milky moon ripples on the surface of the midnight blue
You hear her sighing as she drifts to sleep

Keep this cloak of stars around your shoulders
Little bear and the sea goat and the winged horse
They soothe your worries as they brush your cheeks

Little friend, be soft till morning
And when you fall back into the onslaught
Carry this night, infinity of space and time
To temper the unrelenting light

The truth is, I am not much at all
I love the light refracted
Through the hanging glass.
The avocado plant
Dancing on the windowsill,
The mustard walls.

The tension in my shoulders,
I love that too.
The mahogany table,
Him at the piano.

I reflect it all
I am a node where all this meets.
Little piano tones
Little knots in the stomach.

In the long, dark times before the start
I waited in the moonflower garden.
The vines grew strong, with pointed leaves
Toxic nightshade, witches w**d

I took them and wound them around my body,
Tight like linen cloth.
Through paralysis my bound eyes saw
Petals unfurl like napkins, new moon
Glowing ghostly white
Too pale to exist in daylight but

In the stillness of surrender,
Where I could not speak, nor move, I saw
Nightmares bloom as wisdom

I am the brimming skin of a bubble
Stretched taut and quivering
With a pressure from within me or outside

An abundance that must fill me or pour out -
One of the two

In this moment of hovering on the spot
Memories roll on the skin of my mind
Like logs on a sheet

Before drenching, before drinking up

For four minutes exactly I hold my mind here
ONE-breath-TWO-breath-THREE

Then it's
Sliding down the stairs
Feeling, burying itself into the stairs
Deeper
Tasting the earth
Eating the earth
Delivering my contents to the earth

I am water spreading out
Dissolving, reforming, amassing,
Crashing against your rocks
You rise and fall, break over me

Shower and fill me
Contain me and exhaust me

I want to learn how to pray.
A simple mind
trusting in a single light
that you can't see with open eyes

I am led in myriad directions by flashes in the haze
Paths lit up for a second
Pale lights illuminating so many words

Where is the single light?
Where is the ground?

I am a hazy figure reaching through walls
I float over the earth and I cannot plunge my fingers into wet soil.
My thoughts are abstract,
I cannot reach into the soil and grasp specifics.

A single light in a single moment, illuminating one place,
And my hands gripping earth

A word that shoots into the heart and rocks you, reverberates in your ribcage

A light that shines not on the path ahead but bursts from my heart to show me I can walk

You see yourself lit up and it illuminates everything.
I have to trust that you can see me,
When I can't see myself and I can't see you.

I have to trust that you are there shooting sounds into my heart,
And I will try to listen.