Never
Have I ever
Been able to devote myself to only one thing.
There are too many songs to sing.
Give me your heavy metal
Serenade me with your acoustic guitar.
I’m not an expert on anything,
Not even love.

They call me promiscuous,
Usually with harsher words than that.
I won’t apologize
For going to bed with whomever my heart or body desires.
Unless I break your heart.
How else will I discover that
Some nights I want to be chained to the bed,
And other nights be melted ice cream,
Just aching for a spoon?

You call me selfish,
But really it is anything but that.
All I want to do is spread my love,
Far and wide
And why does only one person deserve that?

I’m afraid I’m spreading myself too thin.
Sometimes
I notice my ribcage
Protruding a little too noticeably from my skin.
I’m hungry,
But I have never been able to decide what I want off of the menu.
It’s a Libra gift and a curse.

There are some who have that inner peace
Though everything around them is just
Tearing up, falling apart, crumbling down

But sometimes, their hearts are tossed about
Like it was caught in a raging storm
With no evident reason
Nothing but blind
Teared up emotion

Have you ever tried running away,
From Yourself?
Like your being, wants to run
Away from this body that restrains it
Like a time out,
Like I want a little space
A little time away
From all physical constraints

Well, you can’t
But you can run
Run until you’re ready

To face yourself
Stop splitting your mind
Take up your burdens
Calm your heart


But yet

You paint your screams across pages
With paint, words, motions
They’re all the same
But of what?
Agony? Frustration? Anguish?

You’re laughing through tears
Confused? Battered? Restless?
Your mind’s a mess
And you grip onto your sanity
Laughing hysterically

But at the end of it all
You take a step back
Yet you don’t quite realize

Some things are an illusion
Especially feelings, emotions
They tend to take over you quite a bit
They overwhelm you

And you,
You’re holding yourself together
Like you’re gonna burst any moment
Into confetti
Just a bunch of paper flying around

But that’s alright
It’s just your mind messing up with you

And one day you get over it
You’re just done with it
But yet, it’s part of you
That you’re laughing at

Just a stepping stone
Just to find yourself
Home. And stronger.

All I want is
Some place to store my memories
Somewhere outside my brain
Where it consumes memory space and emotions
By the zillions
All I've learnt is
That things are temporary
Not because of a fire
But because pictures taken off the wall
Too many times
Don't stick anymore

Usually I store my memories
In another person
That's why I talk fast
I want to get it all out
Before I leave again
And start over

Another city
Another school
Another set of classmates
Another life

I've given up on sticking my pictures up anymore
Not that I've tried really

But I want to have
My children
Stick their memories up the wall
And I could have a share
Of Mine.

With nature, comes beauty
That many would seek,
Of bears and lions
And amber trees,

Of streams so shallow
Where ants could swim,
They dance on pebbles,
Joined limb to limb.

And once in a while,
A Nightingale sings
On an oak tree so high
Where angels could live.

The secrets of nature
That one would seek,
The beauty, the love
That lies within.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never go home again.
My room will sit unused,
A capsule frozen in time,
A snapshot of how I was.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my dog again.
She will sit at the front door
Waiting for me and wondering,
Why I never came home.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never graduate from high school.
My yearbooks will sit stacked
Stopped short of their goal,
Missing years that should have been.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my mom again.
She will sit distraught,
Planning a funeral
For a child taken from her.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my friends again.
They'll sit together, missing me.
One empty seat among them,
A constant reminder of their loss.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my little sister again.
She will sit through high school
Knowing I can't guide her through,
That she has to figure it out alone.

If I die in a school shooting
My school will be stained.
Pools of students lives will sit,
Blood tattoos on the brick structures,
Marks of death ground into it.

If I die in a school shooting
Everyone will wear black.
They'll send their thoughts and prayers
To a town marred by death,
Forever to be the home of a shooting.

If I die in a school shooting
Will the world change?
Or will I become one of hundreds  
Of kids who have to die?
What will it take?

If things continue this way
Children will have to live in fear.
They'll look over their shoulders
Always worried and wondering,
If they'll die in a school shooting.