Some days it's harder than others.
Because  in the dreams I refuse to wake from,
I've found my twin flame.
To light my wick and free me from
the darkness, I've been trapped in.

While I weigh the cost of giving up on you.
I feel the weight of the world,
rolling off my shoulders.
Like the water running free in the great waterfall.
I too, am free.
Free of you.

Back into exile.
The Hermit walks alone.
Mile after mile.
Day after day.

Regret eases with the passing of time.
But it doesn't erase the shame.
Sometimes you'll get caught in orbit flying too close to the sun.

Trying all I can.
Even if life has a different plan.
It will have to take me,
kicking and screaming at the top of my lungs

Going nuclear for good measure.
If I go down.
I'm taking this ship down with me.

Watching the profound sorrow
of villains running the show.
A final whimper of hope.
A somber salutations to the death of freedom.

Taking more than your fair share.
It's not like you even care.

Because you're dressed to the nine.
Ready to galavant and have a good time.

Honey, Ms.Piggy ain't got **** on you.
Color me crazy.
I'm seeing double.

When I'm trying not to be petty.
As my heart hemorrhages at the
thought of true love.

Seeing your happiness is just a
knife in the back.
But it's comforting to know,
I was your stepping stones.

Even if I never feel again.
At least,
I can say I felt.

But why do I have to
pretend being happy..
For the greater comfort
of everyone around me. .

The great lie.
The one I've been telling myself
for ages.
My silent prison.
My own personal hell.

Swimming upstream
against the current
Of a bad dream.

Reality isn't set in stone.
It's more or less a tone.
A calm flicker of light.
In the fight of your life,
are you winning?

I should be happy for you
but I'm not.
I should congratulate you
but I won't.
I should let go of you
but I can't.

I guess, I'm just petty.

What's it feel like?
To have the wonder of love,
shine a light.
On your haunted heart.
Wouldn't it be wonderful?
To feel so alive and full.

Your call is demonic.
Like sulfur.
Serenading my nostrils to a high unspoken.
As your little white lies dance around me like a pole,
I realize, I'm the fool.

Waiting ever so patiently;
to come out of my she'll.
One wing out of the cocoon.
And I'm ready to fly.
Or at least try.

I always thought you'd be near.
To catch me when I fall.
But you weren't there at all.

I'll wear my scarlet letter
with no shame.
My new given name.
With no one left to blame
but myself.

Some scars are easier to hide.
But both still feel the same.

Just lay me down
In your bed of lies.
Look me deep into my bedroom eyes
and off the lights.
So I can wear my disguise.

The truth never comes out in the dark.
That's why we've chosen to be blind.
We're content,
paying no mind.

And we're not okay.
Okay?

Even if you don't exist.
The idea of you,
has kept me going.

Even if it's lackadaisical
with a heavy helping of delusion.
It's better than nothing.

If only you could love me.
The way,
I would love you.
I wouldn't be sitting here
surrounded by flower petals and false hope.
Alone in my thoughts, I've found the garden to be the loneliest of places.

I've carried your worry
for so long.
I'm starving for ambivalence.

In a dog eat dog world.
There are no winners.

Only cannibals.

My mind is a tornado.
Whipping through my thoughts,
on an endless loop.

Distorting memory and fantasy and blending them together.
In a warm drink of fuckery.

I'm smiling right through you.
With a thousand yard stare.
I'm doing fine.
Just a little manic.

Casually accepting
we're living in a dystopian nightmare.
We've been training for this moment.

Years of all this
chaos and fuckery has aged us.

When will we wake up
from this fever dream?
And at what cost?

There's no coming back from the cliff we've been pushed off.

We are the hive mind.
A collective of self depravity.
Wrapped up in Pandora's box.

Like ants climbing into their hill
Descending deeper and deeper into the hell they've created.

Are we any different?

Compliments are just friendly reminders; that the mirror and our thought are both compulsive liars.
Sent from the depths of hell
to drag us back down with them.
We're smiling through our tears.
But for what?
At least we're okay, right?
I don't know who's real anymore.

I've dined with snakes of all kinds.
Your cobra doesn't scare me.
Fangs and all.
My stance unshaken.
By your taunts, your threats.
A snapshot of your desperation.
A glimpse at your quest for control.
The epitome of lost causes.
Failure of the heart to produce an ounce of love.
There's no saving you.
And I'm sorry.

Freedom is just a word most of us can't afford. .
It really only happens when you have a fat stack.
These days freedom is taking whatever you want and ******* over, everybody else.
In whatever position you'd like.

The only winner in life's trials are the ones brave enough to shout their dissent.

Control is merely a word to be taken in context.
If you could smell the desperation in the air.
You'd notice pleasant notes of petchulance and defeat.
Guising as false bravado our enemy lies like a motorboat whipping through the swamp he never drained.

Love's just the lightening in a bottle.
The wonderful electricity that powers our beating hearts.

Life could be so wonderful, if you'd quit breaking my circuit.

We're all just torturing ourselves
for greater social gratification.
For people I do not know or even care about.
Feeling worthless is a popular trend.
And I am exhausted.
I don't want to be social anymore.

I'm playing with your mind games.
But I'm losing every time.
You act like such a monster.
I just want to call you mine.

My love for you is fleeting.
Like sand flowing
to the other side of the hour glass.
Baby, our time's running out.

Better to be
dust in the wind.
Floating to new beginnings.
Than to be the ash that fills
the urns of our past lives.

Using God as an excuse
to stab your Brother in the back
Too cowardly to show your face.
And too stupid to see all the evil unfold.
Evil you supported. .
Thank you for ruining our country.

Mood disorders, the natural defense system.
Of the abundantly emotional.

When did having feelings become such a bad thing?
In a world fixated on bipolar memes and acute anxiety.

End the stigma.
Such a fancy phrase that when push comes to shove.
Most are the stigma posing as the advocate. .

You may laugh now.
But when you're midlife crisis
catches up with you.

How will you react?

Feeling worthless is a popular trend and I'm not even sure I want to sit at the community table.
Comparing apples to oranges gets really ******* old.
These days I'd rather just be alone.
Safe in my thoughts.
Reality is far more rosey over here.

I dont know who I'm supposed to be anymore.
Like the weather,
I'm indecisive and moody.
Looking for reasons to be gloomy.
You can catch me sulking.
In the sunlight.
Always wanting what I can't have.
I am only human.

I'm better off worse
than stuck with you.
My dreams placed you on a pedestal.
Now they're just nightmares of me running from you.
But isn't everything just wonderful when we're sulking under the same sunlight.

Warped projections.
Cracking masks show what lies beneath.
Deception.

Whilst we eat the cheese.
Placed so carefully in a trap.
Soon we'll be on our knees.
Begging for more.

Lies can bring comfort if that's all you've ever know.

I'll be rocking out in obscurity.
After all, eccentric
is just the polite way
to call somebody crazy.
Ambivalence is man's best friend.
Because nothing really matters.

I'm gathering my thoughts.
Like leaves.
To be raked up and cast away.
Just as our dreams died before us.
In the end, do we even matter?

Try as you might.
But I've seen how this will play out for me.
So why would I fight?

To end up sitting in the dark.
Wondering what's more tragic.
A funeral for a dead man.
Or a clandestine ceremony for a living one.

Sometimes grey is no longer an applicable color.
Something's need closure.

I've got the Celiac.
It's making me a maniac.
I'm in a ******* mood.
Don't mess with my food.

You'll probably get assaulted

Well, I don't need no injections.
I take my meds on time.
I don't need no injections.
I haven't done no crime.

I'm just a little moody.
And that's okay with me.
I don't need no injections.
******* and let me be.

All my life's worth has already been determined.
By the scales, by the mirrors.
By the people and their words.
My thoughts, intrusive swords.
Weapons used against me
In my own mind.
Against my will.
I'm just fawning in the flames.
Like a deer in the headlights.
The lights are on but nobody's home.

I've been trying to understand this insanity.
But it's nothing but a losing game for me.
When white is black.
And black is white.
I'm forever searching for a shade of gray.

I'm just throwing pennies in a well.
Wishing to stay relevant.

Like one does when
keeping up with the Jones's.

Here to fight a losing battle
with the day before me.

Because the night marked me present.
And I'm still here.

Despite all opposition.

Courage is only fear ,
who's said it's prayers.
Incantations won't ulter this reality.

You can't negotiate your way
out of hell's emptiness.
Language knows no boundaries.

But Latin is more effective.
Despite our constant speaking in tongues.
This is exhausting.

Like a Venus retrograde.
I'm screaming on the edge of nothing.
Waiting for your echo,
to bounce back to me.

If time doesn't exist.
Then why does mine feel so wasted?
One day was a nice thought.

But I can't live in no man's shadow.
I cast a few of my own.

If my mind could
stop only for a moment.
To catch its breath.

I don't think this
would be so hard.
Breathing in water has never looked so fun.

But I digress.
For I am just at a crossroads waiting to get my guitar tuned.

In the wrong place.
At the right time.
The wheel of misfortune has changed its course.

Beauty isn't
something you see.
Solely in a mirror's reflection.

I think it's how
you make me feel.
I really never wanted to be here.
In the first place  

But its okay, when I'm with you.

Why waste my breathe.
When you can't listen to anybody else but yourself.

I'm not sorry for your lack of patience.
But I am sorry, you lost me.

Because when the roofs on fire
and my life is falling apart.
It's okay to be the fool.
Because he's walking off a cliff with a smile on his face.

So who's really living their best here?

I gazed into the abyss.
Only to see a demon,
staring back at me.

The ghost.
Of someone I was never meant to be.
In the first place.

But if only
for a moment of time.
You could take a walk inside my heart.
To gaze upon the feelings I've been conjuring up for you.