One two three
How many can I see
In the water, on the roads in the trees
Why is it none of them breathe
Why is it only some of them bleed
Everywhere I am they follow me
Everywhere my dead body
Bringing my broken fantasy
Into the cold light of reality
Reminding me that this won’t last for perpetuity
That I don’t have to suffer for eternity

self destructive,
I will destroy myself until nothing but a charred carcass is left.
When I stand back up again I burn myself to the ground in a calamitous blaze.
Taking actions that have strings attached, that are just waiting to go up in flames.
But I will keep on going until my fragile marred world built around me implodes.
The shattered shards of my world explode
They cut into my flesh rip it to shreds,
my blood flowing is the only reminder that I am not dead
That I am in fact human  
But I don't stop the flow,
it cascades down a formidable waterfall
my destruction is complete.
First of the mind then of the physical form,
For years pain held me deluded
Finally my inevitable cataclysmic end has concluded.

I can not be ok unless my world is crumbling apart.
I can only stretch my limbs around your calamity
tie them in a bow,
if my eucatastrophe catastrophically collapses.

The more my mind becomes at peace,
the more I stay awake at night staring out my window
into the ink shadow,
And tango with the shattered moonlight.

Nostalgia consumes
Slip and plummet into a cataclysmic monsune

So I welcome you,
I beg you, rip my heart to shreds
make my mind a mess.
Defile my body and brake my sprit, burn my tattered shreds
in the blazing fire of your hate.

Look at it insanity, everywhere, everything
I will drown in it, I will drown in the screams.
Humanity clings
But pain, the saviour the messiah
is the only thing that makes me feel okay
the only way I can tell fantasy from fiction
pain is the only thing that keeps my devils at bay.

I am the creator of my own catastrophe,
I am the designer of my own tragedy.
Agony.
I am both my antidote and poison, the repercussions of one are felt at magananimous magnitudes of the other.
A never ending cycle.
Estranged peace, unwonted quite. Lock myself in a small room let darkness take me,
insanity break me,
my demons create me,
the evils of the world dance in that room,
they dance with me.
This is my estranged peace,
this is my unwonted quite.

I smile,
a smile so out of place,
put on my mask to cover my face.
I gather my shreds and sow them into a terrorizingly beautiful quilt.
I can only be human if mayhem is raging
under the surface of the lie I built
bubbling over
pressure building
scales tipping.

There is something terribly irreparably broken.
There is a darkness that was terribly irreparably woken

I can only be ok if my world is crumbling apart.

Because something inside screams for chaos.

I can feel it coming back
The hollow cavity, once again
Has claimed residence in my chest
I can feel it suppressing each breath
It weighs me down, I am carrying lead
It poisons my blood stream
I try to scream
Nothing escapes because my lungs are filling
I can’t breathe
The viscous liquid is killing
The world has drowned
Or possibly
It was me

Like quicksand, the more I struggle
The more the sand buries me
Inch by inch
Gasping for breath the small sediments
sting my throat
there’s no way out
only down
only the ground
that fills my lungs
I can’t breathe
No more sound
The world has drowned
Or maybe
It was me

The grains of sand fly through the sky
The wind picks up
More and more sand flies
It whips my hair, it stings my eyes
The wind gains strength
Calamitous glory
The grains meld together
They move together
They pulsate and writhe
Seemingly devoid of time
They fall and rise
A sea of sand dunes takes the skies
I can’t breathe
There is no more air
The world has drowned
Or conceivably
It was me

It sounds different from the ocean
I can hear the movements of each grain
I can hear their commotion
The tide pulls my legs
The wind rips my hair
The waves crash down on my body
Thousands of tiny scratches cover me
Head to toe
My skin is sanded thin as paper
The current is swirling
The sound of sand rushes
Like the indistinct murmur of hushes
The wave rises
The wave rises
If a wave rises it must fall
The wave falls
I cant breathe
I am crumpled, a paper ball
The world has drowned
Or likely
It was me


The thinnest parts of me rip
I spill out into the sea of grains
Undefinable, my pain
Indescribable
I can no longer tell where I begin
And where the ocean ends
I can now see the way the sky bends
The water becomes salty from my tears
Or maybe the salty water is my tears
My fading gaze flickers to the horizon
It is just a straight line
The world has drowned
And certainly
It was me
but inconceivably
Its all just a straight line