your sadness is showing,
put it away.
no one wants to see
your depression today.

it's not time for that,
some might say,
its so unbecoming
to act that way.

your anxiety is showing,
tuck it in.
the world shows no interest
in what's under your skin.

take a deep breath,
that's where you begin,
or, that's what they say
with a pat and a grin.

your illness is showing,
keep it away.
no one is interested
in that anyway.

but by letting it fester,
and by letting it stay,
it might make me
disappear some day.

Gray should be fluid
Gray should be flexible
Gray should float back and forth
Freely
Mixing in wherever
But when gray is not black
And gray is not white
It is not a combination at all
Gray is just gray
And no one likes gray

sometimes, i think of you
& my heart breaks again
but usually, as my day goes on
i feel amazing without you weighing me down

As I stare into the mirror
My insides deflate
Is that really me
Staring back

All these critiques
Echoing in my head

This is too big
That is too small
My hair so frizzy
My body so fat

Look into my eyes
The window to the soul

Lost in the dark
Pleading for help
Falling on deaf ears
So much has changed

Last time I explored
I didn't need this flashlight

Too bad I forgot
That the escape isn't easy
It isn't quick
And it isn't forgotten

Seared into my memory
Imprinted onto my brain

Pounding to be let out
But my foot is stuck
I take the tumble
Such a familiar state welcomes me

There are some things I can hide
And others that seep through the cracks

Most things I'm unaware of
Oblivious to my own self
Until I take that tumble
Every once in a while

But I never get out in time
To avoid the pain