Anthea

Anthea Oct 2019

I'm always holding my breath
Waiting for the other shoe to drop
Waiting for the water to swallow me whole
Waiting for everything
To blow up in my face
This will all blow up in my face

And then it doesn't

I can't let go
I can't allow myself to feel secure
To be happy
To let him cradle my heart
In his hands
I'm afraid he will crush it
Or drop it into the ocean
To fill up with water like a sponge
And drown

#love #fear #anxiety #romance

Anthea Oct 2019

I am Free

For the first time since my eyes first fell upon his lips
I did not crave them
Glazing over the contours of his cheeks
Left me unmoved
I think it's finally over;
The torture of his unreturned glance
I am free

#unrequited #love #romance #freedom

Anthea Oct 2019

Waves

Affirmed with my mouth
I drown
The current is coming
And it's trying to pull me under
But I've grown afraid of the water
And I never learned to swim
Kicking
Screaming
Fighting
To stay afloat
I cannot let this ocean pull me inside
Not yet
It's not safe
But this riptide is ******* me in
And I'm trying to swim against it
Before my lungs take in more of the waves

#love #romance #fear

Anthea Apr 2019

Blackberry Bush

Wrong time
You mentioned her after dinner
Wrong place
The warmth of a June day in New York City
A day late
He blushes but it isn't for me to see
A dollar short
And I haven't seen him since
I cant handle the disappointment of his blackberry eyes
So I don't dare look

#love #unrequited #sadness #pain

Anthea Apr 2019

Not Every Bud Blooms

I wish I could see the future
To know if you were meant for me
So I could have a dream to look forward to
And ease this onset of anxiety
I wish I could read your heart
Like a glowing crystal ball
To know how you truly felt
And if you did care for me after all
I wish I could read the skyline
The subconscious of your mind
To know if there is something between us
In any other time
Dwelling
I'm left with enormous thirst
Like a half bloomed flower
Waiting for it's moment to burst
But not every bud blooms
And not every future is certain
And while you are lost in another flower field
I am waiting beyond a clouded curtain
Watching
Waiting to feel your feet on my path
Waiting for you to visit
Will you pluck me in your wrath?
Or plant yourself in the space next to mine

Not every bud blooms
But this bud could bloom in time...

#unrequited #love #romance #sadness #unrest #rejection

Anthea Apr 2019

March

The weather is sweet today
64 degrees
Blush colored sky promises sun again tomorrow
Today's breeze is the first breath I've taken all year
And my lungs are atrophied

#anxiety #stress #depression

Anthea Apr 2019

Wait

I'm anxious
That you'll stop needing me
The bricks between us keep getting taller
And harder for me to hurdle
I'm always the one scaling the wall
Pick axing through the center
So I can grab your hand
And yell wait!
I'm uneasy
That you'll stop wanting me
The miles between us keep getting longer
And harder for me to walk
I'm always the one running the path
Hijacking cars and speeding
So I can miss your hand
And yell wait!
I'm stressed
That you'll move on without me
The calendar keeps flipping
Years and years go by
I'm always the one trying to catch up to you
Running out of breath
So I can see the back of your head
And yell wait!

But you don't hear me...

#sadness #friendship #relationships #love