Remember how weekends felt in 2017.  
Road trips that flew by as if we tricked the road, staring at pictures we’d already seen.
Back when three hours was to much time & 200 miles was to much space.
The people in the stands looked much different when he imagined this part of the race.
It all blends, stress, bounce castles, loud music, and stitches.
Memories feel the same whether we’re picturing the home runs or the misses.
When we’re reminiscing it’s much less about how we arrived where.
It’s more about who is here now & who was there.
Back when he was only making 80k but constant hotels felt like no expense.
look back at the memories & there’s sense when the feeling hasn’t been back since.
Seeing the news shared before i even had the chance to tweet.
Back when I didn’t appreciate where I was you were more proud than me.
I hope you’re still proud of me even It’s someone else.
I took the life I was supposed to give to you & gave It to myself.

The best moments in life were the ones that unexpectedly produced smiles.

I used to struggle with faith through uncertainty, but now I love his style.

Who knows what comes with each minute but Lord knows what comes every year.

I gaze over my path to see evidence of life being an adventure everywhere.

We have a tendency to miss the impactful turns when we try to steer.

Is this because our greatest breakthroughs are usually on the other side of fear?

Nonetheless I’ve decided to stop forecasting knowing my job is to simply take the next step.

Putting my hand back in the cookie jar believing the best ones are still left.

Calm down, calm down, your voice is raised but it cant get any louder than your beauty.

Calm down, calm down. Drive safe, drive safe, even when done having your fun & you leave I won't hate you, I won't ever see those flaws you see.

Wake up, wake up, no rush for me to wake up, your eyes hold the view of a sunrise that assures you the stories in the bible are true.

I know, I know, it's hard to have an undecided major, to not know where your focus is and on the other side all I'm studying is you.

So true, so true, our angels aren't always with us.

Sometimes, sometimes, it's just a temporary eutopia to answer prayers, It's just a vacation God gives us.

Just please, just please, be clear, be forward, be true.

Remember, remember, I remember your brain's scrambled, your heart hurts, just remember mine does sometimes too.

In my mind rests so many words of repent, of remorse and regret that never went through.

Times where it's been just Me for you, & I wish I could've explained how terrorized I am by the idea of living with another someone to lose.

Traumatic memories can lead to irrational caution, repellant actions that seemingly can't be prevented or contained.

Flashes of past nightmares during my happiest days, guess the losses of my Dad, brother, and cousin led me to push away sunshine filled companionship for lonesome walks in the rain.

My impulsive actions are precaution of loss, can't allow another person to mean so much to me, cause I don't think I can withstand another cut to my core that deep, it's still sore.

So because of that I feel less and fear Lord. Give myself excuses like "her parents made more." "What would she even look my way for?" Victim of my own my mind, holding my inner gentlemen captive to free an ******* and I push away the same girls I used to pray for.

Even though Bella's fingers fitted in between mines as if that's what they were made for.

I know there's no way to take away the pain I've inflicted just like I still feel the pain of my own losses.

Mature enough now to realize my methods were addled by fear & emotion, & if I knew where you were Kennedy I'd tell you how sorry I am, realizing that it was selfish of me to vacate unannounced just to be cautious.

Tears always consume me thinking about the well being of Imani & if it's my fault. Blunts darken your bright soul, stress has dampened your smile & I'm so sorry my behavior made me inconsiderable to come dry tears.

I'd tell Ariel she made me forget my fears, that everyday I counted the piercings in your ears, that my reaction was pure caution after discovering you had kissed him, & I felt a pain as if I had held you in your bed for years.

I'd apologize to Rachel just because, just for the mix up in a terrible time for her. Id tell Amanda that I forgive her for playing with my mind, for saying she wasn't ready to move on & then kissing him in a club. Guess she'd say I got attached to quick in attempt to sucker me.

But I'm proud of that due to my often and recent inability to attach at all, & I regret the day  Abbie looked me in my eyes only to see I couldn't say I loved her too, that no matter how many times she lifted me to my feet I couldn't force my heart to give her that luxury.

Every night when my spirits are low & my eyes close to watch horrors,  I just feel the tears in my soul filling up from the hearts I've broken because mines lay in fractions.

So to them all, the Angels sent to me as I stumble through hell looking for the next hand to guide me, my deepest apologies for the ache, for time lost, & any unjustified distraction.

The universe is an endless menu where very few order what their hearts desire.

You have to get close to the source, current transducers measure by touching the wire.

No narcotics are needed to get the jolt.

If it’s not a law of physics, it’s made up and you can choose to revolt.

Why seek truth? Believe in utility.

My dreams coming true is less about my abilities and more about my ability,

To believe the finish line is my destination, that her hand is mine.

The universe only serves those who get in line, then leave the line, because we choose our time.

We are but fractions of God and so with you I feel closer to whole.

I distant the cold the closer the hold.

One hundred voices together sounds closer to him.

There's one letter in I, four letters in them.

I try my best not to let things bother me.
But unavoidable irritation is those women anyone could have if they struck a lottery.
State, Scratch off, or Draft day, doesn't matter.
Materialistic & status driven women whom the true values in life don't seem to flatter.
You can stay down but she  needs a come up.
& if you ever drown she won't be there when you come up.
There's so many problems there and I'm here to provide the sum.
The minute your dollars multiply, divide from her & add in a woman that values you or you'll be left looking dumb.
Life is full of open and closed doors,
Sometimes you have wait longer for the lord to open yours.
Marriage is about ups and downs & how could that ever work with a woman who won't ride to the lowest floor?

So bright, consuming all my nights.
She's enchanting like Rosellas when they fly.
Eye to eye, a blue that makes you want to dive.
So beautiful like sapphires in her eyes.
A wild torch, couldn't contain it if I tried.
Gorgeous pain, uncontrollably smiling while I cried.
I say I don't love her & never have I agonized so much inside as I lied.
Such a portrait can not be earthly, Lord tell me have I died?

I’m repulsed by a life of being on time, that’s not something to be.

I know thanks to gravity you’ll one day see the time on me.

We’ve left schools but timelines have us competing still.

One comparison leads to the next, there’s always someone ahead so hence you’re completely still.

The present demands 100% of you or It will find someone else to consume.

In my isolation people always ask me “when will regular life resume?”

They miss the point, we manage focus not time.

They hustle to get through their line, I remove things and people from mine.

The things in your life considered important should only take one sentence to read.

We don’t get time by accomplishing more, just cut out everything you don’t need.

Last night I heard the Devil talking in my head.

He said it's an emergency.
Said he had some words for me.
He told me when the wicked speak, it's his breath that projects their frosty voices.
That everytime I've lost someone, he was the advisory behind their fatal choices.
He told me he generously opens wallets, doors, legs, we shouldn't go through.
That we do exactly what he desires us to do.
& Everytime we set that fire to our souls,
He gets high off the smoke.
Maybe you don't believe in God & you're reading this thinking, man he's so dumb.
& although I respect anyone's beliefs, can you just answer me this, where else would the evil come from?
A child doesn't seek to cause pain, to deceive, lie, or steal, they learn it from us after awhile.
& if there's no Devil, no origin of evil, how'd it get here? Who taught the first child?
These questions deteriate my mind. So maybe it's me, Being a good person is out of style, I'm the only one that seems to have the nerve.
Funny, we say we Love God but we lie more than truth. Hurt more than heal. Steal more than give. If we're doing all the things the Devil wants us to do, then who do we really serve?

My cousin has threw his life away, I whept heavily because maybe it's partly my fault, & although I said for him to do better, my voice was soft as powder.

The Devil doesn't whisper, he doesn't stop speaking, & we must yell our love to the ones we love because right now he's talking louder.

**I hear him.

It's hard accepting the way the hands on a clock touches others.
While I was chasing my dreams to spoil them, I lost both my grandmothers.
Is there a such thing as wasted time?
The best things in life are usually at the end of of a line.
We cherish it because we'd have to wait again to do it twice.
Maybe that's why God put heaven at the end of life.
I want kids, but I hold off hoping my numbers could be bolder.
Then every time I see my mom, I remember she's getting older.
I put my faith in you, I put my faith in a tick.
Then you and the time disappeared, why do we trust things we can't predict?
What are we waiting for? We all have a day they're wearing black.
Sometimes I stare at clocks & wonder if time is staring back.
We were born into this measurement and forced to adopt.
all of our tears dropping on glass & hands, standing on clocks.

Depression is the quietest burglar,
you don't ever hear him breaking in.
We've become so acquainted
He comes over and rings the bell
& ironically I happily let him in.

Bridges burn and hearts left behind on those bridges burn eternally causing a droughtful soul.
It's a realm where tears can't fall with out freezing & frost covers messages for help, such a doubtful cold.
We enter a drought and what a drought that is.
When you thought she was the one, when you though you were his.
Maybe God showed favor to me because he knows just how badly my scarrs have ached for no reason.
I sent prayers up not asking for much, just some help maybe, instead he sent me an angel to help me fight my demons.
Happened so swiftly, I can't even replay it, she descended down in a sizzling flash.
Because I fear she could be gone just as fast I take pictures every time she's around just to make the visual last.
None the less one of my greatest blessings came after my darkest night & im here to tell you it won't always be bad like you might think.
You're in that drought with your eyes wide open, stop looking. Sometimes the blessings just appear once you decide to blink.

Every day when I stare into those eyes that capture my soul & silence my worries I wonder just what might be on your mind?
If I were somehow able to get pass that heavily secured guard you have around your heart what would I find?
Do you see the future flashes of me holding you so tight i don't have the room to stray, so close that to let you go would mean to let go of my self?
Do you see those same fall sundays in sweats grocery shopping & I'm just happy being dragged around like your puppet just to pick items off of really high shelves?
Have you ever wondered like I do what it might be like if we were to kiss, and kiss again until we could no longer feel our lips but instead our soul passionately clinching each other ?
I lay every night and wonder if you see the things I dream about, concerts where you stare at lights and i stare at you or lake days where I hold you tight while your teeth shutter.
When we're around them, when we're at pool parties and I have to act like I don't love you, like I don't hate guys hitting on you, can you see the desire to be yours in my eyes?
When I look at you and walk away, when i hug you and let go quickly, when I call you my friend, can you tell that these actions are all lies?
I guess I have so many questions that I'm bringing, but it seems it does matter if I'm sleeping or I'm drinking, whether I'm sweating my energy out on a track or singing, everyday, all day, I just can't but wonder what you're thinking?

They say once you stop looking
what you were looking for appears.
So I wonder if I shut my eyes,
will you materialize here?

I think it means something when you crave to speak to someone when the world is silent, When the stars are bright & there isn't much to do.

I think it means something that you own my thoughts, that to hug you feels like holding my dreams, that I wake up to many notifications & I just hope one of them is from you.

I think it means something that I can see how special you are, that I can see your unparalleled beauty exudes much deeper than just physical attraction.

I think it means something that I can see what you have to offer & what you deserve. Stars sing about angels like you, poets they write about you at 5am & you deserve to be loved overwhelmingly beyond levels of satisfaction.

always send extra prayers to the people engulfed in struggles, people who's status doesn't show that they work so hard.
For I know so well the feeling of faith depleting struggles, pain that makes you interrogate life, & trials that make the weak plead there is no God.
Believe me when I say a life, a person, with more valuable things does not give that life more value than the one you posses.
I've laid in a house with two parents and 7 brothers where there weren't enough beds to rest, over time some died, some left, insurance money gets a bigger house & inside it seems like we have less.
For a home is not appraised by the value of the structure, but the Love inside.
So don't be in a rush to fit in with the rich kids. Not  to say they're all negative spirits but sometimes money can make people forget that true Friendship is the most expensive ride.
For the Bible says if it fails it wasn't Love & the evidence of false Love based on earthly standards is all around us, look at celebrity relationship perhaps.
Celebrities dating celebrities & rarely regular people. It never works because a false love relying on money, fame, and status as its base isn't true and is always sure to collapse.
Guess in life, or At least how I see it, when I'm struggling the people around me are so genuine & the more successful I become the more people want to take and no one wants to give.
In the beginning was flesh and elements, family and fellowship, status was non-existent and Love was the only currency we needed to live.

“Let me rescue you. I can see the truth. I can see right through the pain.”
The simple sight of you is soothing and that gift shouldn’t be hidden by tears running down your face.
To invest effort is to accept risk and even though your emotional stock has crashed your effort doesn’t go unnoticed.
You bought into a corporation that had no intention of reaching a partnership & you feel bad because you’re seemingly the only one that didn’t know this.
In agony you elude all conversation of investment because you simply desire to forget; you don’t want to hear that name no more.
You piece together astounding outfits to venture to bars and cloak the ache with a smile. You smile at me and hope I don’t witness liquor doesn’t numb the pain no more.
Shot. Shot. Shot. Emotional bullets are released to parallel the attempt of intoxicating wounds as you cry out for healing and memory absence.
As you scan social media it torments your mind & so everything good said about love gets your rejection whilst everything bad said gets your acceptance.
A tree never ceases to be a tree, the apple that plunges from it will always be an apple, cotton will always be cotton, regardless of the time or condition it will continue to be even and soft.
All that is beautiful in life is consistent, Love is the most beautiful and consistent existence in life, so how could Love ever be considered something that is on & off?
Sometimes we can become so devoured and muddled by what we want, we forget what we deserve resulting in us being hurt & that’s life, that okay to be.
“Take a look at me, I promise I will be, all the things that you wanted him to be.”

There is a belief we can’t buy peace of mind but hundreds of books in, you feel as if you’ve bought some.

Save more wheat than you’re milling, you will be ready if a drought comes.

Next sacrifice things furnished to be a furnace, you shall keep the house warm.

Don’t assess the bee by the honey, observe the health of thy swarm.

Brilliance is the life between the poems, the comma between the words.

A universe isn’t United, there’s space between the worlds.

I gave one world to her. I gave one to you.

Now I float amongst the stars not knowing what to do.

I can never see the gravity of my decisions until I’m floored.

I know how to walk in & I love to walk out, no wonder I’m adored.

It’s true we secrete a musk when we lack the necessary space from X’s.

but when you get in a luxury car be sure to appreciate the parts that made up that Lexus.

I’m rich. I’m single. Im brilliant.

Searching for the day, the space, any form of existence that doesn’t need to be resilient.

There’s nothing new in life, we simply expand on a sample.

The past is left in the past I just build on the examples.

When you’re alive, an EKG is bumpy, some people want your past to be so flat.

That’s like having a full resume then saying “oh yes I have experience, but I won’t be using any of that.”

The answer to every question has always been time.

on my timeline X comes before Y.

Slow down & Go. Caution & proceed. Yellow & Green. My spirit overwhelmed during a journey to a land secreted by amber & emerald, yet all I can remember of my experience is a soul searching blue.
For a night I gazed into eyes as sapphire as the deepest parts of the Aegean Sea, Eyes that dried tears i had not yet cried & put untested trust within me, a stare so true.
I stood next to her looking at a land i hadn't seen before, looking over its entirety from the top of a cliff I couldn't help but notice this artistic nature was no equal to the smile gleaming beside me.
I had run probably the most exciting race of my existence that day yet my heart had never paced faster. My palms dripped, my stomach spinning more than a laundromat, what's going on inside me?
Seems I've been waiting my whole life to meet a stranger, a stranger that felt so familiar, a touch that had the comfort of my childhood home, I latched on to a mysterious hand, a hand never held & soon the bizarre magic had begun.
When faced with things that are seemingly to good to be true wonder and curiosity can dissipate the mind. You're faced with a yellow light. I knew it to be impossible yet the moment stared me in the eyes, twas like looking at a full moon next to the noon sun.
I found myself Lost in eyes so bewitching I felt unworthy to stare into them. My mind was absent, my body was absent. All of me that is left is my heart & my lips; my heart dashing as I was gifted with a savory kiss.
I can still feel that breathe gliding across my skin sending chills to my core. With every touch I could feel my heart speed up, with every exhale she seemingly gave me my next inhale, gave me life, gave me breathe, kisses of Primatene mist.
My soul was dominated by a type of cancer, a chivalrous cancer, killing the emotionless existence of me & soon she claimed something I didn't even know I was offering.
My heart became her trophy as I slept a sleep as peaceful as an empty beach, a sleep periodically interrupted by passionate *** that sent me deeper into slumber & I knew the minute I left this land I would begin suffering.
I know now time is not a prerequisite of passion. Passion is not about how long the fire has been burning but rather how intense and consuming the flame is. In 10 hours an eternity flashed before my eyes, & I saw a person filled with emotion I've tried so hard to summon for my past.
Slow down & Go. Caution & Proceed. Yellow & Green. I entered this land yellow, & by the time I left I was fully green, as green as the dollar in my pocket, the salads she ate, and the gorgeous Nature surrounding this unfamiliar land. Sometimes you have to ignore the slow down signal & drive through the light full blast.

"Yellow & Green" -Dash Pinder

The thing about all facts are they’re bound to expire.

When you set a blaze your ego peace is found in the fire.

You can measure how strong a man is by how often he says “I don’t know.”

An open mind is like buying shoes for a child, you must leave room to grow.

I’m more intelligent than Einstein, I’m breathing today.

Yet, I’m cursed to be an idiot in the past, new answers will emerge as I decay.

And so the shrinking of my ego is my goal, seeking one subject where I have minimal peers.

Piling up “I don’t know” through the years, I’m only one man with just one idea.

Say you're on your way. The wait is unbearable.
Say you'll cherish me only. Say your heart is unshareble.
"Say you'll be mine.
Say we'll be fine.
Say we'll be together.
Selfish of me to ask since I'd be the reason we don't last forever."
I hear your voice in songs. A voice that's never blessed my ears.
I feel your hugs, mild hugs I've dreamed about throughout my coldest years.
Where are you? Please Send the location.
****** the keys to my heart, free my soul & and rescue me from this emotionless probation.
Have you been hurt like me? Is it weird The most beautiful things on you are your scars?
Could I grasp you admittedly close to my being as we lay on our band-aids & gaze up at stars?
In Dreams you're all I see. Fantasies of a we. Prematurely feeling something that has to be.
I've paid the price for happiness, I've handled the heaviest of baggages & I wait patiently for the day God ships & delivers you to me.

The only judge to success is if you can look in the mirror and see your honor.

Life is permanent but in your court you decide what you get to launder.

I don’t require a jury, I plead guilty of becoming prisoner to my imagination’s fluctuations.

I say my goals out loud and then get to the end of my sentences like punctuations.

My mom, Pops, the only people I talk to when I’m on trial.

Ive been the bar since a child, if I can’t go the distance I’ll challenge the legitimacy of a mile.

They made that **** up anyway, this is my world and I define far.

To turn my back on myself would be the only time I could be behind bars.

Still, I sacrificed my small freedoms today for immense freedom later.

You know how It goes, rocks are next to hard places, cut It all out and get paper.