How I wish
I could tell you all my secrets
Lift the burden off my shoulders
But too many people
Have broken down the walls I've put up
Just to shatter my heart
Like they said they never would

If I wasn't so broken
Would we have worked?
Would you have been the one
To finally relieve me
Of all my scars?
Or would you have done the same?
Proving my judgement wrong,
Instilled illusions of love in my brain
Just to steal the pieces
Of whatever's left of my heart?

You tell me I have issues
I already know I do
But yelling at me to fix them
Is not how you mend broken things
But maybe I'm too far gone
To ever be put back together
Our possible forever
Vanishing into a **never

On your mark
Get set
Go!
One foot in front of the other
How many years could I stay in front
How long could I stay first
In this foot race with death
Chasing breathes
Wanting to slow down
But either way
It seemed death stayed ahead
Got a tattoo to remind myself
Death will always win
I'm just taking detours
Visiting villages of my memories
I'm racing through my own life
And these seven seconds
Brought more joy then all my life held
Through all the sorrow
I still saw smiling faces calling me
Into an oblivion
Waiting to face my guilt and shame

We fight them
Our broken homes
Our broken parents
Our brokeness
In the hope we'll find the love
We believe we don't deserve
We argue with them
Those sworn to protect us
We cuss them out of anger
We think they don't understand
But they know
Those shoes you wear now
Are merely hand me downs
We all walked through flames
Dancing on the edge of the abyss
Carve valleys into our wrists
Try to hide bandages under skirts
We doubt the love we are given
We hope for the best
Hating the reality
Escape on the buzz
Enjoy the fuzz of life
Distort our own reality
Thinking your pain
Wasn't another's at another time
In another life
Our own self esteem
Our greatest enemy
Our worst weakness
Our inner strength
Some let go on these monkey bars
Rusted edges digging too deep
In the right direction
You're never alone
You deserve more then what you think
So don't doubt the love
You never deserve
Know the love you are given

If you saw me
Dancing on the edge
Of the tallest building
Would you cry
Would you scream
Would you laugh
The thought of one slip
And I'll be no more than a puddle
Condensed tissue and bone
An image of hog feed
Laying in the street
Does it terrify you
Perhaps a thrill
A tingle up each leg
A chill down your spine
But maybe that pattern I make
Will write paragraphs
Using sidewalks as paper guides
Making my last thoughts of you
Explode on the asphalt
The way they ravage my cranium walls

Peering through the veil brightly
Shinning in the darkest of night

He dared to ***** out innocence
Stealing his secret delight

Standing with fist held tight in her soul torn discreetly
Would one day arise ever since soft yet sweetly

As she disclosed the open door truth stood rightly
Unleashing tears she held in years ever so, tightly

An Angel beyond the wisdom of the ages
Broke through, annihilation , several generations stuck in plastic cages.

Clarity gifted like providential timing.
An appointment made, freedom bells chiming.

There are dark times
In periods of our life
Where we don't want to be alive
And sometimes there's a sorrow
You just can't shake
Sometimes there's a doubt
That just won't fade
And you try your best to take
Each day as it comes
But you can't help contemplate
Your future and it seems
Like you aren't moving anywhere
Yeah that's the way it feels
Your body feels heavier
Your head feels full
And you can't process information
The way you used to
Negativity is your new vibe
You feel you'll never achieve
Anything within this life.

©2017 Written By Benji James

All I can do is
say the words
over and over
again to show
that the power
to keep fighting
is in me and
burning enough
to keep me warm
in this frozen world

You wrapped me up in crazy
And  stayed for quite a while
You tucked me into bedlam
And I slept on your beguile

The comfort was in knowing that
Your thoughts they made no sense
And I could not tell if we were present
or past tense

It was a sleepy fantasy
where it really didn't matter
If your thoughts transmitted energy
Or your brainwaves were ashatter

The chemistry I felt for you
Was such a mad desire
We could have burned out together
In an everlasting fire

As I curled around your sanity
And flirted with your brain  
For a while I was so happy
In the nightmare called insane