My lovely poets (:
I’ve deleted some short poems & merged them to 1 post.
They are not recent , all from the past.
I’m also Publishing Draft writings that I did not post on the certain date . All new poems will have a 2018 Tag
If you see any duplicates please tell me !!

If I can’t set free
Our love will leave
Like my life
Addiction ruined everything
I’m aware
That everything I love
turns to dirt
took my spirit & happiness
Drained out my life
Replacing it with emptiness

I’m so tired of trying
Of running & hiding
From the urges to Get High
Believing to feel like the 1st Time
I’m Tired Of Fighting
Battling and dying all times
I’m sick of working so hard
To fall back each time
I’m tired of accepting
But yet denying
I feel sad sober
I feel numb High
Both ways I’m hating my life
It’s the Of Relapse
That I’m losing more hope
Breathing .
I hate that I’m weak.
I’m not strong and Can’t think
I hate that I don’t View things Easy


I love my love
My love is him

Sober / Down / High
I write to express
I type when I like.
There is no preferable time
Random thoughts
I jot to look back
This helps to solve my Issues
Venting / stories/ poems
This helps me capture a problem
I study my sorrows
Helps prevent future failures

Should I just go.
Pack my bags & Prepare my cloths.
I’m in denial.
I know the truth but don’t accept it
I don’t want to admit
It’s the only thing , the bestest.
I’m going to be honest
I don’t want to leave this ...
Yes it’s hurting .
But I’m hurting both ways
Clean or Gone.

Sleep, eat . Repeat
Couple days sober
On my lows but now I’ve rised
Sleep , eat  . Repeat
Hibernation had me weak
Didn’t feel like getting out
Not even search for things

Hello sunshine.
Nice to wake by the rays .
Hope I remain on settled days
Hello Light,
So long in darkness I’ve forgotten
How it’s feels like.
Clarity feels nice


I’m far from perfect
That’s for certain .
When I’m stressed &
Self control is Sprained
I Aim to hold stronger
It’s hard to stay sober
When all I do is dwell
Cry , self hate
Drown myself in tears .
When will this be over ?
When will I find an exist

Il be happy
My days are ******
I’m always sobbing , whining
Il be happy
Hoping bright
For a future where I belong and treated lovely
As for now il keep my self open
Loving my family
Knowing someday il have a second that Arnt disrespectful
Where I am welcomed
Adored and all adventure
Il be happy
Waiting patiently
As for now

I Don’t Care no more
**** the soul, who
Only causes more.
Forever wonder, forever cold
Alone I stay , lifes matterless
Gave up so much
For nothing in return
Besides a broken heart &
Aching bones

I feel so sad.
I Want Sobriety,
My minds fighting badly
It hurts so bad knowing I Don’t Want this but I’m here wanting.
I’m not feeling anything To say
I want to numb this .
It’s just an urge at the moment
To feel it in me .
A crave my mind & body
Are feining ..
I hurt when I’m on it.
Though my heart tears apart
I can’t get it through my head
At the end il be depressed In regret
I’m so saddened.
I’m sorry I’m sorry
God help me get through this

Let’s Be True.
You’ve never been fine with the way I move .
There’s always a problem
With The way I am
There is always an issue you point out you can’t stand.
Let’s be True
You don’t like who I am.
You Absolutely hate
the way I think & things i do.
You make it clear every day.
There has never been a day where I can feel like I did good.
Let’s be true
My appearance was the 1st
Thing bothering you .
I won’t repeat every perfection you wished on a female
I won’t repeat the desirable women that you’d only make your girl.
Let’s be true .
All you do is tell me my mistakes
What you think isn’t ok , how it should be changed.
Let’s be true
It hurts to say that all I hear is
so much “ I don’t likes” from my
So Called dear.
I’m called Stupid, lazy & Dumb.
This is my truth
All Years with you all I’ve done Was make you Made . Over the way I am
All years with you I’ve been scolded
All years you put me down
I get on your nerves & get you frustrated.
You can’t stand who I am
Everything I Say or do bothers you
It’s So sad
6Years together
You’ve NEVER Told me things
I do that are great.
You’ve never put me up
Always motivated me down
That’s the truth
You hate every aspect
So much it affects your days entirely.
How saddened
That even your negative actions
You put on me to.

Let’s me True .
Only I have been put through the toughest times
Only I have felt sadder that I’ve felt like dying
Only I have felt true betrayal
It’s the truth
Only I’ve gone through hell being with you.
Only my reasons are worth feeling a tear .
Everything Hurting I’ve said or done towards you.
Have only been Times you broken my heart over & over

I’m so saddened dear.
I feel it’s not love you have for me.
Maybe it’s the control & power you had on me.
It’s the truth, my love for you has always been Real.
Yes I’ve left you , I dissed you
But what did you do ?
Is it fair for me to keep
Loving you after all pain you’ve caused.
Would you leave me if I were you?
You immediately would.
No question or doubts
With the smallest concern
You’d walk out.

I write to express
To vent
To get things out my head
I write to relive myself
To feel a pinch of ok.
What I write is not Always heart meaning .
Not every word is 100% meaningful.
I write in the moment.
What I felt last week
Out boredom
I Put random thoughts.
Past thoughts That I just want to let out .
Not everything is current
Not all poems are Official Feelings
I’m used to misery .
So Sad **** it what
il mostly wrote out .
I’m rarely happy, have no motivation
So il rarely write about joy.
My ways are prayed to change
I’m awaiting for hope to someday pass my way.
Untill then
******* and nonsense is what il be talking

I’m struggling life.
I remind That High I can escape
Im saying alright, Just 1 **** 1 line.
Getting anxious to buy
Desperate to make the pain fly
I’m ready to forget
Expecting to feel amazing.
I’m now high on methx
It did nothing but self center itself
I’m wanting more , Stay Stuck ingesting/inhaling more.
I’m stressing trying to get good.
While my High is wasting on attempting to feel it more .
Paranoia comes around the door.
Now I try to feel lit but not get burnt
At the end of it all
I never reached what I wanted
So I crave it again & tell myself this time I can go as planning .
Then I come down & feel regret.
I feel so ashamed , So Drained.
Only then is when I see the reality of what it does to me.
I see the truth and how much more I’m struggling .
Only then is when I want to quit.
I feel the pain of this ****.
I hug myself tightly wanting to sleep. Stop the hallucinating & feelings of being seen.
I cry and hurt for change.
This drug does nothing but damage my brain.
But only then is when I become desperate for help ..
After Awhile of Keeping Away
My Need For a life jacket fades away...
I’m struggling life.
My Addiction To Drugs is Getting annoying.
I hate that I can’t just get right.
I hate that I can Change so easy how people view it in there eyes ..
I truly don’t want this life Nomore
But I end up finding myself urging to getting that fix I desire to quit.
Im Tired & Sick . Yet I can’t let it go
I can’t quit even though I See all it’s ruining . Idk why.
I’m an addict
I hopeless drug addict
who can’t let go.
Who can’t move on
Who cry’s to stop , who promises to Drop all things involved.
But at the end , I go back.
Knowing it’s only giving me pain

I NEED TO STOP LYING
I’m aware of what’s right.
I know how to achieve sobriety
My mind purposely blinds me
I know there’s more to life than just sadness.
I’m aware that I can try but refuse
It’s true, it’s a lot to do to stop use.
I need to work on everything that makes me feel I’m no use.
It will be a lot to conquer
It will take so much to change my views.
I’ve been depressed for so long
Drugs been the only thing that’s made me belong ,
I know I can change, Be very great
It will just take lots of work to reach the gates.
I will struggle & experience pain.
Confront reality & deal with the things that make me unhappy
I NEED TO STOP LYING TO MYSELF
My addict Mind is lovely
It really makes me focus on things that really hurt me.
It Centers negativity, shining light on everything saddening.
When I Attempt To Be Good
It tells me how fast I’m achieving?
I look at time & it’s been hours of thinking .
I can’t figure nothing to solve my insecurities .
Can’t find a reason for motivation
Can’t find a cure for the heartbreaks & mistakes.
So it reminds me.
Drugs been the fastest & only medicine.
Only on one do I feel life’s worthliving.
I don’t need nothing or nobody as long as I’m lit.
I NEED TO STOP BEING IN DENIAL AND STRAIGHTEN THE **** UP
I’m tired of it all
Conflicts about living
clean or on drugs
I’m tired of Being high & Feeling nothing but numb.
I’m tired of the drugs controlling my emotions & Thoughts.
I’m tired of the drugs being so Great  that I never want to get off.
I’m tired of the way it’s causing more harm making me believe everything’s fine.
I’m tired of the way it’s the only thing damaging. Making sobriety seem so Devastating.
I’m tired of drugs making me feel it’s better to not deal with crisis.
Only high is life great.
No tears , no misery or Losses
No challenges, no dealing with ****
I’m tired of the drugs making me feel Using is the best thing.
Making my life seem easy by not worrying about anything
IM TIRED OF THE WAY CRYSTAL **** MANIPULATES MY ****** BRAIN
On **** I never struggle .
Being high avoid the problems making life so nice
While sober I deal with troubles.
Being clean I feel the sorrow.
I struggle to fix the issues & if I fail , I feel much worse.
Using **** fulfills my needs.
When lonely , on **** I don’t feel alone. I don’t even notice.
When I’m lonely , I feel what alone is. I cry and Feel so much sadness
When I’m high
I never struggle , Don’t ever stress & continue on my day .
When I’m sober ,
If i struggle, I deal with troubles
Which will leave me Either happy or add to my problems.
No more comparisons , it’s clear
The use of Drugs keep you away from pain, you never encounter bad situations or experience ****** days
While sober you face many things
You Feel many ways & always come across struggles and pain. That you either work it out or live depressed
I HAVE THE CHANCE RIGHT NOW
I CAN SEE THE TRUTH I JUST NEED GO STOP BEING IN DENIAL
I NEED TO ADMIT RIGHT NOS
BEFORE MY DRUG ADDICT MIND TAKES POWER

I’m weeping.
Something in me is pinching
As if it’s trying to grab attention
Or is it making me question?
Who am I right now.
Am I acting different?
Mean & attacking ?
Is my Hate inflicting?
I don’t know what I feel but I know it’s not something real ..
It’s not what I am
It’s hate speaking out my hands
It’s the rage of the memories that haunt me everyday.
Forgive it baby it’s my Addict ways

If you leave him, He won’t hurt.
Remember those times he made you tear ?
How you were Alone In the darkness suffering dearly ?
While he cared not one bit about the sadness your having.
How he made you upset & didn’t give a **** ?
Remember being in your room .
Looking at the window hoping he’d apologize, come back to comfort.
You’d stare and stare but not one time did he come through ..
Remember Sitting on your bed.
Hearing music & cheering coming from the outdoors.
Hearing laughter & jokes Passing Through black screen ?
Remember how Depressed you ****** felt.
How he hurt you & left you dying
How he Didn’t even care about the heartaches he kept causing.
Remember how it wasn’t just 1 time.
It was every time you’d fight.
Alone in your room you cried
While he Forget by buzzing Down and having a good time with the ******* & Friends?
How’d you tell him he made you feel so sad.
Hoping he’d come around, you’d hear his car leave instead?
Remember how In every conflict you were the only one to be left unhappy.
After a fight you’d go home and over think .
While he went out to parties & Drink
If you leave, he’d just go back to being him.
The same person he was.
**** has never changed with him.
I’m always suffering while he goes out to enjoy the night.
He will always end up not giving a ****.
While You drown in the hurtful things that went on.
So baby girl Don’t worry.
If you leave , don’t feel sorry.
Don’t look back at him or feel bad for what’s happening.
If he cries or looks broken
Don’t turn back , just like he didn’t.
Because like always He goes to his parties and Talks about bitchs, fast cars and money .
He’s always shown how much he really cares About you .
Never once has he corrected his wrong , he’s the fault & still plays the victim .
Never once did he Feel the pain that I felt and Still left with.
So don’t worry baby.
If you leave , he’d be grateful & still live on free. Only more better , since your no longer there.
He can now enjoy the life of the dearest **** boy he longed for .
To be honest, that’s what Crushes me .
Knowing when I leave he’d go back to the things that damaged me.
To the things that left me scars & worthless memories.
To go back to the person who broke my heart.
All those reasons are what lead me to finally realize I was to good of a girl. I’m too good to be his.
I’m too special for anyone
Because I have morals and Stay faithful & loyal

I’m feeling positive
Will my thoughts carry on?
Am I feeling guilty right now
Because the drugs wearing off ?
Am I committed to change
The one I feel so enlightened by
The fact I just accepted what I’ve been denying for so long ?
Is this all really real.
Or am I saying this because I’m coming down.
It’s happened before ,
Started feeling low and I begged the lord to help out this hole.
I cried telling him to rescue me
Im Sick Of dope I want real hope
Why has it been false before
Where I’ve been tired & Bowed my self to change For once.
Why do I only feel the need to seek help when I’m reaching peak of it’s wearing down .
It’s sad to know that I’ve promised but still broke ...
I Say i Want change & never return
But after some time, returns the hurt..
Then I forget about the words I spoke .

I don’t seek drugs no more.
Get up then fall harshly below
Then all again, till I stop feeling
Till I lose focus
of the reality i torment.
I don’t seek a love no more.
Fall In love then get my heartbroken
Forgive , then get hurt again .
Untill I find dope to stop it.
It’s time to confront and deal with the problems that been ******* with  me for so long .
Move on from the bonds to begin a journey I’ve been lusting on
It’s time for growth & a new beginning Were I Don’t always dwell and live life much better.

I’m laughing softy
with a tear falling gently..
I’m laughing at the fact I was blinded 2 times.
Complaining about my life when the problems were in Front Of my eyes
Searching for the day the rain will stop pouring . Hoping I can stop the thunder from roaring
How dumb have I been.
I looked to far
The answer was close to my walls

Tears Rushing Down my cheeks
Another broken promise.
Will I change ? Im always failing
Then guarantee sobriety.
Why does this attract me.
All bad Excites me.
All wrong feels good to me.
I live for dark lonely nights
Than bright sunny mornings.
It’s easier to feel sad than happy.
Happiness is a rare feel to me .
All positive is hard  , negativity comes freely .
I’m quicker to think of unfortunate times and Cry Quick.
It takes longer to Be fortunate.
To find things to be grateful for .
Who am I right now.
I don’t know , I’m confused on what it is I really want.
Out Of Sobriety, Addict & Numb
Which of the 3 Is honest?
Who should I trust ?
Who’s bei real ?
Do I Want To Be Sober ? Do I want to use drugs ? Do I want to feel numb & escape my problems?
All have good effects
As come with consequences
I’m undecided on which what’s best

The Feeling
It’s Back.
My Feet Are urging
To Go Grab A sack
Temptations Are floating
Every thought is Convincing me
I must hold tight
This Ride costs my life
What to do.
Your scared? I’m frightened too.
I don’t know where to turn.
It’s the same roll , I hate to fold.
It’s too much , happening too long  
I hate living this, 6yrs no difference
What’s to change ?
I cry long for sobriety.
I’m holding strong to not fall again
What am I saving being sane ?
I’m at risk
Trying to save myself from The recent relapse..
I’m walking on strings ,
Pulling my self Back.

Be aware
I’m not scared like I used to be.
To lose  you, see you walk out.
Watch you leave & end us.
I have drugs.
To replace you,
Forget who you were
Erases our memories & best times.
Be aware
If you do me *****, I don’t care.
Drugs will always be there .
Il depend to forever not feel..
If you leave me, I won’t cry.
I have lines to get me past times.
So please know , I’m not scared.
To be left ,

Hey listen lover.
I’m confusing, contradicting &
A liar.
My lies can’t run much farther
Soon enough il Speak.
You’ll turn weak & Wonder .
Question our love and debate wether it’s worth living further..
It’s no shock to hear me say
“I’ve used.”
It’s A shock to know it all along just hoping your doubts weren’t true.
Hey listen lover
You’ve known this for awhile
I struggle with addiction & have never truly recovered .
I’m suffering daily & I can’t come across a reason to really say
“ I don’t need this. I can do it. I can handle my problems & life’s struggled
Sorry baby
Leave me and find some one truly amazing

I’m here.
I just shed a tear.
Il Be Fine
It was caused by a line
I’m still lying
I know deep in me I won’t be fine.
—
I say I’m Tired
The Addict life i Want to retire
I say I hate this
I write about regret everyday
I cry & Type I’m Helpless
Of how fed up I’m with
this dope ****.
I Confirm it’s not true happiness
I don’t feel good , I feel worse
And say I don’t truly love it.
I Clarify I don’t have fun nor do I enjoy it.
Rewrite about the way it’s not fantastic, I don’t feel Great.
I’m an addict.
I use drugs to run from **** & deal with nothing .
I don’t pop pills to have fun like raves & parties.
I don’t do lines to spend Good vibes
with Friends..
——
I Repeat it’s not enjoyable
How I want to travel back & never encounter.
Why am I always contradicting then ?

Theres no words
After each breath I take
What can I possibly say ?
The mistake was already made.
Again of course
After how many times of saying I’m sane?
How il Be Sober for real.
Make a big change.
There’s no words .
After each breath I take
What can I possibly say ?
“I’m sorry I promise to not fail again”
I’ve said That a thousand times
Il keep saying it again
Il lie every second
Till i convince you il be fine
I don’t know what to say
I Can’t Apologize
I’m speechless.,

It hurts to lie .
To front as if im alright.
Within skin layer
I’m faker than fake.
I’m sorry baby.
To have lied once more ...
To fool your vulnerable heart.
It hurts to lie.
Pretend like everything’s ok.
My entire life is a lie .
I’m on drugs and I’m still crying.

It’s not want anyone wants.
It’s not a situation that’s common in talks.
Nobody wants to deal with a
Drug addict.
Talk , speak or be near a ******.
They are viewed as trash .
Not ever knowing they don’t truly want to be lost on drugs.
Nobody cares about Addicts.
Such a bad label it’s a rare topic.
They have no importance besides viewed as ***** , thief’s & lazy.
Which is why I tell you baby,
You don’t need to deal with me.
I can imagine the confusion.
The disgust & Unhappiness.
What you go through just wishing I can let go.
I can imagine the headaches.
The stress & frustration when you find out I used again.
My addiction interferes with our relationship.
It Plays many roles and always the blame to my actions.
Why I tell you baby ,
If I’m too much for your life?
Leave .. i Don’t Want you being miserable with me.
Go find a normal girl .
No issues , no history.
A fresh start hunny ...
That’d be so ****** up.
If you agree with my advice..
If you really feel like being with me is too much for your life.
If you feel I’ve put you Through a lot.
If you truly believe you have it rough when it comes to me.
If you have thought to back up
Leave me for someone Els ..
I’d go crazy ...............
What I went through as a friend since the start , will never compare to the complicated life you think you have with me ..

I don’t feel bad at the thought.
I don’t feel bad at the start..
I don’t feel bad Through Out The time. I’m not bothered or saddened
I start to feel bad When something’s amusing & I can’t giggle.
I start to feel bad when im At a fun setting and I can’t enjoy it.
I start to feel bad when people around me are having fun and I can’t feel nothing.
I don’t feel Disappointed when I’m buying it.
I feel guilty when I’ve consumed because I’m tired of this ****.
I feel weak when I’m high on ****
I feel pathetic because I can’t solve my things.
I’m a Coward Fo
Doing Drugs.
I’m a fool for Avoiding my consequences.
I’m so stupid for letting this get to me.
I get so upset at relapsing yet all I want to do is dose up again.
I hate to want it, I’m angered That’s my surroundings

While I’m around
You don’t need anyone.
By your side
You’ll never fear anything
You need love ?
Il give you much more.
Want a friend?
This here is everything
Aslong as you keep me with you
You’ll never be lonely
You’ll never cry
You’ll never feel pain
You won’t ever need to stress or worry.
Aslong As you keep me with you
You’ll never hurt.
You’ll never feel any type of disappointment.
I’m Your Lucky stone.
Together? We’ll experience better things.
Keep me around, il better you every time.
Imagine me as you wish.
Il grant you every wish
You need something? Il give you better.  Keep me with you darling let’s adventure

Hey Pretty lady.
Are you feeling ok ?
I see a frown forming down
Do you need my help today?
You know where to find me
You know I solve everything.
Take a little ride with me
Il take away your sadness .
Come here pretty lady
Let me be your company tonight
I promise I will make everything alright.
May I take you out ?
Just how you are.
I’m here to impress you , no need to look nice.
Come here pretty lady
Let me be yours tonight
We’ll have a good time
Just you and I.
I promise I’m nice.
All make your tears turn to ice.
No more droopy Eyes.
Let me brighten you pretty lady
Inside and out
I have the power
To make you feel New ..
I’m better than a friend.
Come take my hand ,
Il give you everything pretty lady

When we argue and ignore each other. I always say dream about the life we could of had If I wasn’t an addict & you we were A faithful person. Knowing myself, I strongly believe I could have made you the happiest person alive. With My actions And Sweetness .
I daydream Of our life without negativity.
I always vision you happy & smiling.
I always fantasize of a life With You That I cannot live in the real world.
I truly love you. I always have.
I don’t understand how you can doubt that.