It took me seven years
to realise
the words in my mind
were too deep for
my mouth to dig up
I thought it was easier
to open my skin
and let the truth
pour down my arms

It took me seven years
to realise
nobody should be allowed
to touch parts
of your home
or hold pieces  
of your heart
that you don't yet understand

It took me seven years
to realise
I will wear these scars
forever
I'll carry them
through every smile
every kiss
every concerned gaze
I'll carry them
to my grave

It took me seven years
to realise
the pain carved
into the walls
of my castle
etchings of
attempting to disappear
are not a story of weakness
but a tale of
how I survived

No I am not
But I live
So I will be in time

It hurts to know
It hurts to see

That you have replaced me
That you have past me

I am happy for you, that you moved on
I am happy for you, that you have found someone new

I told my brother
I told my sister in law

That I am not well
That I am suicidal at times

It was a relieve to tell
It was painful to see

Silence fell when I told
His eyes turned into water when I told

A river of tears was streaming down
But it didn't weight him down

To tell me, to let me know, he is there for me
He loves me, he will be here with me

I am grateful that he is here
He wants me to be here

Time is all I needed I said
Time is the hardest thing to let pass by

I told myself I can do this
I told them I can do this

So I will do this, I will see it through
So I can do this, just because I said so

It's dark outside
Lanterns are lit
Light is glooming
Shadows are flickering

Night has just started
People went inside
To sit by the fireplace
Reading books, wachting movies

Rain is wettening the cobblestone streets
The could breeze is blowing through the trees
Time is sheared with loved ones
Quiet and comfy by the fire

Words popping up in my head
With no clear reason at all.
Putting them together
Sentences are made.
Thoughts flowing out
Ideas are written.
Words are created
plans are tolled.

I have a friend
she plucks poetry


from trees
and memory.

I look out for her,
listen out for her songs.

She is a poet
my sister

a songster

a person
I love.

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Wait
Check
Look;

When did relationships
Get defined
By a read receipt?
Will we
Now
Only measure intimacy
By a tweet?

What do we have left,
Why can’t we
Go back
To laughter
In a diner seat

you judged me
out of my own beauty
the same way you judged yourself
out of that dress