He moved on
fast
faster
than he could have imagined
He only needed enough time
to mourn
the lost year,
effort, and
emotion.
To kick himself
for being in fear,
for being used.
Such a fool.
Betrayal was the end
of everything real.
When she's gone
she's gone.
When he's done
he's done.
No time to feel.

And even after everything
he confessed,
his story told,
his weakness laid bare,
salt was poured in the wounds
again and again.
The gasoline on his heart
was set to a match.
Stones dropped
in the pit of his stomach.
His mouth sewn shut.
His anxiety
an iron maiden.

He came to the realization
far too late
he would still never be
good enough
or enough
for those he loved.
Always missing something
they were looking for.
A means to an end
not an end in himself.
A stepping stone,
a wrung,
an asset.
Used again  
used for love,
all used up.
Hung from the tree
he grew to trust.
A cycle that turns him
back to dust.

Always an option,
nothing more.
Always on call,
but gets a closed door.
No one hears,
bleeding out on the floor.
Always cautious,
around their chaos.
Smiles all day,
inside he feels lost.
Death sounds nice,
despite the cost.
Sounds better than this,
  mind's fire and frost.

Mens mental health month
came and went without a word
swept under the rug.

Sol beats down on my body
all day.
The wind howls,
the sweat drips,
the sand sticks
to everything
A dizzying clear sky
no clouds
no cover
no respite.
And on the inside
my mind is ablaze
punishing me
as the cogs and the gears grind and nash.
Thoughts that feel like
self immolation
cling to me.
There is no water that
can quench the flames.
The only way out is to suffocate.
**** the brain.

You are all I want
Forever and always yours
Till death do us part