i burned into myself a way to remember your laugh
flushed cheeks that raised flags red to your eyebrows
skimmed over in the heat of thinking "this is it"
and it was
nothing more than the sounds of joy for milliseconds
that echoed for years in one's head
it was like the sea had flooded my cranial cavity
i was drowning cerebrally

the monitor flickers
occasionally
like flashes of inspiration
or defeat

the keyboard and mouse
remain unmoved
like ruins

my mountain of a PC
lies dormant
awaiting some bubbling of activity
to stir itself awake

taken to typing poetry
on the phone
to detangle myself from
that cage i once called a home

this space
filled with placeholders
like mannequins
like first drafts
like sketches
.
that weightless non-committal
holding together of not
functional
being
.
there was no space for something substantial
no space for something
tangible
.