I have been in this state for quite some time
The state of not being able to feel a thing
No emotion whatsoever
Joy, glee, optimisim
Fear, anxiety, pessimism
None of those at all
To feel at least one of those would be a relief
One that can not be decribed
It just lets me know that I am still alive
However I have been void of everything
Tis utter hell to be honest
But alas she has brought it out
The one who I admire the most
My moon, my sky, my sun
Has finally made me feel something
She was able to make me feel again
Letting me know that I am not just some...
Emotionless fool
It is just too bad however
That the feeling was self hatred

You told me once
That you were scared
Scared of losing everything
But what wasn't said
Is that I am scared too
Scared of losing you
Because you are my everything

She told me that she loved me
And I told her I loved her too

At first I was overjoyed
But then I heard her voice

It came out different then before
As if though those three words

Were a chore

I am not sure what to believe
For I have loved her for three years now

I had dreamed of this day since I met her
But I never knew it would come

And now that the day is finally here
I don't believe her

I finally stepped inside and its beautiful
I do not feel anything anymore
Not pain, not sorrow, not grief
Not joy, nor happiness, nor love
And with each and every minute I am inside
I slowly am becoming a void myself
I want to make it easy on others
And just cut all of them off completely
But that would just leave a bad taste in their mouth
Especially this time of year
So can I even guarantee a 2019?

You point your hatred at me
Yet all I see is your eyes
You scream and shout and fight
Yet all I hear is your voice
You kick and scratch and punch
Yet all I feel is your love
You never do wrong in my eyes
Yet I was the one that messed up

Beautiful doesn't sound good enough in describing her
I try my hardest to get noticed
Yet I am always cast aside
Treated not like I am second or third or fourth
But rather like I am last
I know I should let her go
But I can't...
And that is what hurts me the most
For I feel the second I move on
She will finally realize where I was at
And maybe
Just maybe
She will want me too
I know that day will never come
But I can't help but hold on

On myself is all these burdens
Even breathing itself is becoming one
Can you imagine that?
Having trouble doing something that is natural

My I do not know why to continue
Why to fight
Why to live
But I know I must

Death is something I no longer fear
It is no longer something I pray to avoid
I know my time will come some day
So why must I prolong fate

Bed covered in my tears
Breathing sporadically
My time has finally come hasn't it?
No I keep going

I am On My Death Bed

Darkness completely envelops me
Yet I feel as if though this is where I belong
I try to fight, scream, shout anything to get out
But the more I fight the darker it gets
Should I just accept my fate
Or should I prolong my destiny
No matter what I do the outcome is the same
So why do I still play along?
I close my eyes for the last time
Because I know when I go in I can't come back
And all I hear
Is silence
But I am not scared no more
I do not feel pain no more
For once I do not feel anything
But the people...
The people around me
They all feel it even though I can't
So I keep fighting
Because I know the minute I stop
Not only does my world stop
But theirs does too