Sometimes inspiration is free
Other-times it costs you the world
In our abandon we seek
Divinity, eternity
And often the meaning
Of our words
Eludes even us
Are we an author?
A seeker?
A valiant warrior
Braving the darkness
Seeking for such elusiveness
It sets the mind free
Within that darkness
Lies the eternal
A place without form
A castle, a dungeon
And for the unwise
A prison without end
And only those
Well acquainted
With their own madness
May tread its murky waters
To pluck that fruit
Whose shape is an omnipresent
Kaleidoscope of meanings
And to solidify its form
And cast it onto sprawling page
This is our work
Our bottomless pit
Our greatest weakness
And our ultimate triumph.

-----

Reformatted version:

Sometimes inspiration is free
other-times it costs you the world
In our abandon we seek
Divinity, eternity
And often the meaning of our words
eludes even us
Are we an author?
A seeker?
A valiant warrior braving the darkness
seeking for such elusiveness
It sets the mind free
within that darkness lies the eternal
a place without form
a castle, a dungeon
and for the unwise, a prison without end
And only those well acquainted
with their own madness
may tread its murky waters
To pluck that fruit
whose shape is an omnipresent kaleidoscope of meanings
and to solidify its form
and cast it onto sprawling page
This is our work
our bottomless pit
our greatest weakness
and our ultimate triumph.

Seething beauty
is a lost flower

is a haunting memory
reminding me of my foolish mistakes

a wind crashing against my lonely tower
forcing ink from every crack and crevice
like sulking tears
amassing briefly, before falling to the earth.

if only, if just, for a..
but it was all, no more than a fleeting moment.

and I crumble in impatience, like a child,
unable to build a brighter future

from the ashes of this burnt down garden..

that once flourished,

at the sight of
at the scent of
at the thought of

you.

What does it mean to exist? How absurd this experience!
If life leads me in any direction; it is a pursuit to understand
How beautiful, maddening; that this life shrines through the darkness
lighting up the universe in all it's infinite diversity.

This moment spirals through time, winding; un-winding and falling to ashes,
it's like a beautiful song, a symphony so complex just to hear it's faint echo
is to stare god in the eyes; it is a dance; and I've been dancing forever
seeing just how far ahead I can run; before I catch me.

You see I want to capture the truth; and bottle it for my pleasure;
like holding a flame in a jar; just to say I found you; and I'll never let you go.

The trouble in capturing something so beautiful; is the moment it's no longer free
it ceases to be beautiful; ceases to be it'self, like a butterfly that's lost it's wings.

But I feel drawn, compelled, like a ghost being beckoned by a distant voice;
and I must find the other side of this tug; this pull.

I imagine a truth so complete, that I could die in that instant forever fulfilled;
and I must have it, even if doing so causes my complete annihilation.

For I will have seen the mind of god.

The amplitude of all things to come
are born of sound-waves, as they penetrate every fibre
every neuron, the synapse reconfigure
and fire synchronized with the external world

An electromagnetic pulse is born and dances in solitude
condensed solitude.. like a star burning brightly in an empty sky.

Oh to know.. how much we've grown.. we've come so far,
and as we encroach upon the infinite void,
my eyes shalnt lose their wonder..

the spark of a tear sets in motion, an implosion of will
and the sky is set ablaze in ways beyond imagination
a transmission to all those who are able to see.

Oh to know.. how much we've grown.. we've come so far,
and as we encroach upon the infinite void,
my eyes shalnt lose their wonder..

I say to you, open your mind to all things before you,
for within this infinite view, lies a beautiful freedom.

I'm a drama
queen
one with the utmost tastes
and forlorned lusts
an animal by any other name
a hair, a haunt, a thimble
a willaby
a tuts
tut tut
tuts

I wonder how I've ended back up in this position
dependant on not just a chemical or two, but
dependant on the love of a person
You see, I was not born a human, nor have I lived as one,

I'm used to the beauty of the darkness, for in dark places
beautiful flowers grow, but it takes eyes
shadowed in darkness for decades to see them
and to pluck them, one needs a still heart
that no longer beats with the rhythm of a living being

that darkness has shaped my world, shaped my mind
yet in her voice, her words, and her love
I've found myself slipping from that place
being pulled into one in which I do not know how to live
Here there is light, and sights to be seen
with eyes practiced to the sun

I used to believe the universe whispered to me
and maybe it still does, it's just that it's been so long
since I've listened, that its song is distant
raw, and uncaring

You see the universe is lonely,
that's why it turned into you, and into me,
to be embraced with it's own warmth
to embrace itself in its own desire,
what a simple thing we endeavor, is it not?

By becoming creatures bounded in time, and space,
we've forgotten our true self and along with it
the wellspring of love that created us,
now we seek it, although in lesser forms,
experiencing it with only a few
and the upper casts of beings know this,

Somewhere deep in our subconscious we also understand, and we know that we've forgotten it.

It's just that demons have embraced darkness, and a total absence of love, while we try to fill ourselves with small glimmers plucked from flowers that grow in the sun.

Demons, on the other hand, pluck flowers that grow only in the darkness, and those flowers have power over mortals, they will call to thee and under their spell, you will dream dreams meant for only devas, asuras, demons, and spirits.

This nectar is not meant for humans, yet in our arrogance, we reach for their stock and supply,
and with it we compose beautiful songs and paint beautiful shapes, we piece together majestic art and music that can open the mind, bend it, twist it, and mold it in ways from which it can never retreat.

We create,
Things that even devas desire,

We create,
Things that even demons devour,

But to us humans these things are toxic, they are too much, and we become lost to them.
Such that we call madness is a consequence of reaching too deeply into the well of knowledge with an unbalanced, ignorant, distracted, and frail mind, and in doing so, we forsake everything for the pitifullest glimpse of eternity.

In that place; only gods and asuras may roam freely; humans, on the other hand, are far too greedy,
far too curious, far too ignorant, and far too dangerous to possess such knowledge.

We should stick to light plucked from flowers growing in the sun,
because those flowers which grow in the darkness will only lead to our damnation, the conclusion of our race, and the manifestation of something far more terrible than any of our myths ever suggested.

What becomes of me
when nothing remains
my god
it's happening again
close your eyes

I stumble over myself
in the darkness of mind
and I perceive myself
as I am, as I am not

I am he
he is they
they are we
and I am nothing
but the sum of my parts

Ideas take shape
they form,
they split
and I am overcome
I am --
countless parts
moving in unison

I am he
he is they
they are we
we are she
she is I
and I am no longer--
alone in the dark.

Hey..
Hey!

Do my words make me?
Do they mistake me? Do they create me?
I hold on to all that I am
All that I feel
All that I feel I need to say

Is who I am determined by
who I choose to be?
or do the memories I hold make me?
Make me!
Make me!
Oh my god why has my life forsaken me?
Betrayed me? Set me up and played me!
Let my progress take me, shake me!
and push me to places where I am welcome unwelcomed

Stained in all that I do, All that I am
Who I am!

Who am I?
Who am I?

Who am I...

I'm tired..
Need a long sleep
a few thousand years should do,
Sheepish lazy breed
Finniky writer
overdue on life
can't keep up
my head swims in drought
a wasteland..
smack dab in the center of an oasis.

How many days has it been?
Since all this started?
When did life become so hollow again?
Was it the drugs? The loss? My actions; I can no longer defend..

So hollow, Follow the rules but break them in silence..
Caught red-handed with a needle in my arm,
Surrounded by thugs with blank expressions
So zen; I'm a menace to myself, step off the path
into a place where I suffer alone; it's easier that way,
at least, that's what I tell myself, that's what I say.

With no one to hurt, or to hurt me, I break all the rules
and grin a melancholy grin, hoping for a stray bullet
to end it all. I can't do this again
was everything I struggled against in vain?

With a star in my sky, and a path to follow,
I hesitate to explain myself, I'm just so lonely
A giant phony, With no one there to catch my tears
So I go on living my life muddled in fear
It's not the first time, so just stay clear.

One of these days, I'll reach back to all the hands
Offering me a place to rest my head, so solemn is my mind
even surrounded by friends, I find myself totally alone
everyone eventually hits rock bottom..

So hollow, Follow the rules but break them in silence..
Caught red-handed with a needle in my arm,
Surrounded by thugs with blank expressions
So zen; I'm a menace to myself, step off the path
into a place where I suffer alone; it's easier that way.
at least, that's what I tell myself, that's what I say.

I just want to get out of here, I stare at myself in the mirror
and see that I can't find even a semblance of the man
I once was; where did he go? Did I grow out of it?
I'm no longer myself, and it really couldn't be any clearer.

There are
So many things
Broken.

Chipped paint
on weathered windows,
overlooking sullen grey sky
look inside
now choose,

Face it,
or Hide.

If you faced it, what's left to fear?

the searing sound of harmony
seeping through madness in trembling tears
ringing false scents of roses
like men ****** to breathing jaded air
and everything that's been has crowded thoughts
of plagued mindsets beset to foreign dances
I see I, and all that I've been..

I see I, dancing
through blackened flames
I see I and I've seen you..

And now that I've seen you..
what is there left to fear?

Gorgeous rhythms and soothing shadows
haunt words yet to be said through the
pale light of a thousand years

I've never been all that I could dream
Now everything I can say is as a boat
lost at sea, sailing into darkness
never to be seen
to never have been conceived
in this world that's nothing more
than a hallow sleepy dream.

Can you see? the constant dreams
stay reminiscent of happier tomorrow's
set me free, so distance is a flying vision
in a world torn of multicolored hypocrisies
incisions of a reality that refuses to see
that I, refuse to be -
and now i find, this place has cut my wing's
I feel, So far away, will you stay??
or will i fade? cut my cord so i fall
and now i cant feel a thing..

as i go, you all look, so far away
and I glide on broken wings, from this place
as this vision fades, I can only see -

you're face.....

but now i'm on my way
and i refuse to see
another day, as I..

Fall from grace

The only thing that shines anymore
is the way the world stops and everything comes to a hazzy crawl
when I take this poison everything that spins in circles
just doesn't hurt so much anymore,
all my friends are inside my head, and the world
just keeps getting further away, I don't mind this little cell I'm in,
at least not today.

When I find a way to escape from this mess, I just may
find myself without much of a mind anymore anyway,
I've never found the thing I've been searching for,
only found my mind in pieces and i'm still looking for the cure

I feel stuck
Somewhere in between one place and another
Like time means nothing...
And everything I've found is hidden from me
Vanished
Incomplete
A realm soaked in misery
She whispers in my ear, I say finish me..

..A picture in hindsight
Too many memories..

First one, I cry
By the end.. Everything is just
A picture in the mind's eye

Why Pry?
Good god, we all lie
Lay me down
and Kiss me Goodbye..