My mind is lofty
wound up in the sound
of joys heaven sent
a recompence of dancing in the clouds

I've come and gone
and all those marooned feelings that arise
seem ethereal as the winter moon
reflected in the summers tide.

In that endless night
we heed; cold and bitterness
unto the morning light
Sightless vision binds our eyes
madness disembarks into our lives
A cold dark prison earned
is the bittersweet sentence served
A life stolen and a life lived in hush
tis golden silence upon that burning bush

Trembling utterances on the grave
it's the human heart that we poets save
In this final night and in that coming day
let all that you dream become what may
for once the fires lit, the dream is here to stay.

Some nightmares find you
while you are sleeping
Others apprehend you
in the midday sun

Some nightmares seize you
and pull you into the darkness
from where you stand
in the midday sun

Those are the type of nightmares
that freeze my blood
Those are the types of midday dreams
where everything is nothing
and nothing is as it seems
Those are the type of nightmare
that drives me to my knees in prayer
beside myself in fear of the midday sun

A mind fractured
and cast away into the sun
There they appear; those apprehensions
legions of haunting apparitions
with malevolent intentions
those which freeze me in solitude
in the heat of the afternoon sun

I am screaming
I am clawing
Am I screaming?
Am I clawing?
Who is that pounding!
Who is that pounding at my walls?!

That is my monster
that which fosters
occupancy in my thoughts

A nightmare
This is what pursues me
That is what moves me
and keeps me awake
screaming at myself
at the top of my lungs
in the heat of the midday sun.

I am the lightning
I bring the rain
I am your sorrow
I am your pain
I am far away
but I'm right here

Sometimes inspiration is free
Other-times it costs you the world
In our abandon we seek
Divinity, eternity
And often the meaning
Of our words
Eludes even us
Are we an author?
A seeker?
A valiant warrior
Braving the darkness
Seeking for such elusiveness
It sets the mind free
Within that darkness
Lies the eternal
A place without form
A castle, a dungeon
And for the unwise
A prison without end
And only those
Well acquainted
With their own madness
May tread its murky waters
To pluck that fruit
Whose shape is an omnipresent
Kaleidoscope of meanings
And to solidify its form
And cast it onto sprawling page
This is our work
Our bottomless pit
Our greatest weakness
And our ultimate triumph.

-----

Reformatted version:

Sometimes inspiration is free
other-times it costs you the world
In our abandon we seek
Divinity, eternity
And often the meaning of our words
eludes even us
Are we an author?
A seeker?
A valiant warrior braving the darkness
seeking for such elusiveness
It sets the mind free
within that darkness lies the eternal
a place without form
a castle, a dungeon
and for the unwise, a prison without end
And only those well acquainted
with their own madness
may tread its murky waters
To pluck that fruit
whose shape is an omnipresent kaleidoscope of meanings
and to solidify its form
and cast it onto sprawling page
This is our work
our bottomless pit
our greatest weakness
and our ultimate triumph.

What becomes of me
when nothing remains
my god
it's happening again
close your eyes

I stumble over myself
in the darkness of mind
and I perceive myself
as I am, as I am not

I am he
he is they
they are we
and I am nothing
but the sum of my parts

Ideas take shape
they form,
they split
and I am overcome
I am --
countless parts
moving in unison

I am he
he is they
they are we
we are she
she is I
and I am no longer--
alone in the dark.

A small bit of hope
found in the most awkward
of ways
I'm contented
in my contempt
beside myself in asides
and I fan the flames of beauty
sometimes the words hang loosely
they appear thinly veiled in my mind
and yet, I question just whom writes the words
I feel that I've never written
a single poem in my life
I wonder just from whom
all the beautiful words flow
perhaps talent, or skill, or luck
or maybe just maybe, a spirit
who is all too happy
to use these idle hands.
Today the words won't come, easily
And, well, sometimes
I throw up my hands in defeat
because this poem is really terrible.

I'm a drama
queen
one with the utmost tastes
and forlorned lusts
an animal by any other name
a hair, a haunt, a thimble
a willaby
a tuts
tut tut
tuts

Confronted by a towering wall
spanning miles above me..
..I..

Get a grip! says one of my men.
it shan't be long now-
attach the hooks and wires,
and climb-!

As I stumble towards the wall
something arches fourth
from my stomach
some kind of muck or mire
comes rushing forward
and my mind disappears

Awakened by the foul stench
of burning sulfur and coal
I open my eyes, groggily
and though blurry and strained
I perceive small little hooven feet
dancing about me

Yet no fear is within me
my aversions long gone
for this sight is one
I have grown accustomed to
I live among them
pray among them
I search my soul
which is littered with
legions of these horned monsters
each having various faces
are they me?
are we you?
are we sane?

I hardly care anymore
the clutter strewn about
is what remains of my
sanity
the cobwebs attest
to just how long
I've treaded hereabouts
I'm tired...
I say good Sirs, and Madams
I am so very tired.

Shall we fetch you a cup of tea, sir?
No, get me that bottle over yonder
Yes, Sir-!
Mam, the bottle appears to be empty
Empty you say-?!
I swat away the pest
and hunt for something by which
I can use to dim the light of my vision
stampedes of friends bring me many more gifts
illusions, fantasies, various pains, and love letters
each smiling with crooked menacing teeth
they appear gifts in hand, and up to evil no doubt

Sir, shan't you take your morning brew?
Madam, I have taken it, and I am indeed due for more

With cup in hand, I ask of my friends
to lay me down and help me to sleep
using their tiny hands and arms
they pull shut my eyelids,
and as I begin to lose my vision
I perceive in the distant clouds
the saddened face of someone I once knew
frowning
as the face disappears into the moisturous clouds
I faintly remember I had something to do
or maybe somewhere to be?
However for now
I think I shall enjoy various brews and cups laden with
miseries
and I shall share them with my horned and bedeviled friends
because my body, mind, and soul
has come to very much resemble them
or perhaps they me?

Cheers.

I'm lifeless

Running out of time
Inbetween wanting and desiring nothing
Things are never easy, it comes and goes
They say life is priceless,
doesn't mean much to me
I look in the mirror and only see hate
there's nothing inside me worth wanting
nothing out here worth touching
just can't shrug off my tears
cause I've lived this life
beneath a mountain of fear

I'm nothing, nobody, and I just can't keep up
with everything everyone wants, always been a ******
I'm diseased, plagued by failed wantings
every moment passes with a bit too much haste
this life will be nothing if not in vain
I seek remedy to rivers overflowed in pain

and in the end, will I get anything I've wanted?
can't stand to live without my emotions being blunted
so I hide away in days best left unsaid,
and forgive me cause' all I'm saying is nothing worth reading,
and the entirety of whats to come,
doesn't deserve repeating.

I wonder how I've ended back up in this position
dependant on not just a chemical or two, but
dependant on the love of a person
You see, I was not born a human, nor have I lived as one,

I'm used to the beauty of the darkness, for in dark places
beautiful flowers grow, but it takes eyes
shadowed in darkness for decades to see them
and to pluck them, one needs a still heart
that no longer beats with the rhythm of a living being

that darkness has shaped my world, shaped my mind
yet in her voice, her words, and her love
I've found myself slipping from that place
being pulled into one in which I do not know how to live
Here there is light, and sights to be seen
with eyes practiced to the sun

I used to believe the universe whispered to me
and maybe it still does, it's just that it's been so long
since I've listened, that its song is distant
raw, and uncaring

You see the universe is lonely,
that's why it turned into you, and into me,
to be embraced with it's own warmth
to embrace itself in its own desire,
what a simple thing we endeavor, is it not?

By becoming creatures bounded in time, and space,
we've forgotten our true self and along with it
the wellspring of love that created us,
now we seek it, although in lesser forms,
experiencing it with only a few
and the upper casts of beings know this,

Somewhere deep in our subconscious we also understand, and we know that we've forgotten it.

It's just that demons have embraced darkness, and a total absence of love, while we try to fill ourselves with small glimmers plucked from flowers that grow in the sun.

Demons, on the other hand, pluck flowers that grow only in the darkness, and those flowers have power over mortals, they will call to thee and under their spell, you will dream dreams meant for only devas, asuras, demons, and spirits.

This nectar is not meant for humans, yet in our arrogance, we reach for their stock and supply,
and with it we compose beautiful songs and paint beautiful shapes, we piece together majestic art and music that can open the mind, bend it, twist it, and mold it in ways from which it can never retreat.

We create,
Things that even devas desire,

We create,
Things that even demons devour,

But to us humans these things are toxic, they are too much, and we become lost to them.
Such that we call madness is a consequence of reaching too deeply into the well of knowledge with an unbalanced, ignorant, distracted, and frail mind, and in doing so, we forsake everything for the pitifullest glimpse of eternity.

In that place; only gods and asuras may roam freely; humans, on the other hand, are far too greedy,
far too curious, far too ignorant, and far too dangerous to possess such knowledge.

We should stick to light plucked from flowers growing in the sun,
because those flowers which grow in the darkness will only lead to our damnation, the conclusion of our race, and the manifestation of something far more terrible than any of our myths ever suggested.

How many days has it been?
Since all this started?
When did life become so hollow again?
Was it the drugs? The loss? My actions; I can no longer defend..

So hollow, Follow the rules but break them in silence..
Caught red-handed with a needle in my arm,
Surrounded by thugs with blank expressions
So zen; I'm a menace to myself, step off the path
into a place where I suffer alone; it's easier that way,
at least, that's what I tell myself, that's what I say.

With no one to hurt, or to hurt me, I break all the rules
and grin a melancholy grin, hoping for a stray bullet
to end it all. I can't do this again
was everything I struggled against in vain?

With a star in my sky, and a path to follow,
I hesitate to explain myself, I'm just so lonely
A giant phony, With no one there to catch my tears
So I go on living my life muddled in fear
It's not the first time, so just stay clear.

One of these days, I'll reach back to all the hands
Offering me a place to rest my head, so solemn is my mind
even surrounded by friends, I find myself totally alone
everyone eventually hits rock bottom..

So hollow, Follow the rules but break them in silence..
Caught red-handed with a needle in my arm,
Surrounded by thugs with blank expressions
So zen; I'm a menace to myself, step off the path
into a place where I suffer alone; it's easier that way.
at least, that's what I tell myself, that's what I say.

I just want to get out of here, I stare at myself in the mirror
and see that I can't find even a semblance of the man
I once was; where did he go? Did I grow out of it?
I'm no longer myself, and it really couldn't be any clearer.

Why am I so scared of losing something that isn't mine?
I mean what time is it anyway? Think I forgot something,
or maybe someone...?

I've been lost in drink, and tears, and pills with various shapes
why do I always pick the ones I can't have?
What a life joke is sometimes!
Listen -- pain will always come in various huh? and sizes..
and what of my fate? To suffer? to wither?!
Always, always.. just lost in a daze...
or is this all just a phase?

I can't remember right now, the hours getting late
and i'm buying a stairw.. wait, what was I saying?
ne-way, whatever, I dunno but It makes me wonder. :)

I hate being like this, but I can't give it up,
cause' ya know, they say drugs ****; but baby,
I'll tell ya somethin' thrilling
the largest cause of death.. I mean really..
is just being born, and well ya' know, maybe.
but **** it, someone once said come as you are
revetahw, lets not talk falsely now
I'm lost, minds ****** and fried,
and I've eaten far too many pain killers.

Everyone who's ever loved me
has abandoned me one way or another
and soon left me alone, drowning
in my own little sea of shame
and with no one there to save me
I became tired of playing games
where I'm the one left wanting
left desiring
left...

And when you speak my name
all that will come out of your mouth
is shame.

I tried to be everything they wanted me to be,
see I gave it my all, now it's falling apart
and in my head I simply long to be free
What is free anyway? See?
See?
See...

I've never known,
Never had enough to lose to care,
and never cared enough to lose what I had,
now it's really enough,

Enough..
Enough...
Enough....

Please,
Please take me away

On your tiny little raft floating at sea.
Untie the rope from the dock and let it drift
and carry me with the winds, and when I land
in lands so far away from myself that I can no longer
find a mirror or thing that evokes a memory,
Maybe I can finally say, I'm free,

Hey, hey, hey hey hey!

I'm finally gonna be free...

I penned a pen bent out of my mind
asylum I seek, and of fetid dreams I reek
silence dreaded, but it seems it's all she can speak..

should have taken my time, but padded cells
they shook us to the core; in our loneliness
we held each other in embrace like no-one
has ever been held before; today I awoke
dizzy; confused, and admitted to another shore
one that swashes in pain; like an ocean of glass
and with each break, her memory shreds my heart like an open sore.

so I slowly begin to wash away the pain,
disaster being; my mind isn't even mine,
and it's always been that way;
even before I realized sanity was just a game
but in the grind of life,
it's a hellish reminder to not have been born very sane.

profusely I beg, and plead; but it's as plain as day,
she's never coming back; so slack, and bleed, and cut as we may;
administer the habitual as I plead and pray--
not to cut too deep; because this life
it's already taken most of me away.

If you faced it, what's left to fear?

the searing sound of harmony
seeping through madness in trembling tears
ringing false scents of roses
like men ****** to breathing jaded air
and everything that's been has crowded thoughts
of plagued mindsets beset to foreign dances
I see I, and all that I've been..

I see I, dancing
through blackened flames
I see I and I've seen you..

And now that I've seen you..
what is there left to fear?

Gorgeous rhythms and soothing shadows
haunt words yet to be said through the
pale light of a thousand years

I've never been all that I could dream
Now everything I can say is as a boat
lost at sea, sailing into darkness
never to be seen
to never have been conceived
in this world that's nothing more
than a hallow sleepy dream.

This life is never enough, were trained tough,
just tell me when, tell me when i've hurt enough..

in this life the people you love
they never feel the same, no they never feel the same..

im crazy, im pathetic, empathy driven irratic
its tragic, when i see your eyes, i gotta look away
from this feeling inside, like my heart drops and
blows the moment away

eyes like mirrors to blackened skies.. this reality,
it lies.. it lies and i've never felt this way
its a shame..

to play this game, live two steps behind
cram the pain inside, just to feel my heart
explode and watch as my dreams slowly die

and they die.. they die, they die..

now im slowing giving up inside...

please save me, just save me from this life

and tell me when i've hurt enough..

(inside..)

There are
So many things
Broken.

Chipped paint
on weathered windows,
overlooking sullen grey sky
look inside
now choose,

Face it,
or Hide.

Shadows Darken around me
Silence seeps from my mind
casting a shroud that none see
a sort of prison that only I feel,
and I'm so numb, feeling dumb.

Sort of glad to be here, it's surreal
a prism of light hidden for a time
sublime pleasure, and I feel it all
Just don't miss the vein, say again?

It will all be ok in the end....

I'm tired..
Need a long sleep
a few thousand years should do,
Sheepish lazy breed
Finniky writer
overdue on life
can't keep up
my head swims in drought
a wasteland..
smack dab in the center of an oasis.

What is there to believe?
Whats left? What's next?
Like a magician with a card up their sleeve
Everything that's important..
Ceases to matter to me.

So Fake; Make believe..

Pick a set of false memories
Make a book and read it thrice
Pick a destination and throw the dice

It's just, it's just this life...

I feel stuck
Somewhere in between one place and another
Like time means nothing...
And everything I've found is hidden from me
Vanished
Incomplete
A realm soaked in misery
She whispers in my ear, I say finish me..

..A picture in hindsight
Too many memories..

First one, I cry
By the end.. Everything is just
A picture in the mind's eye

Why Pry?
Good god, we all lie
Lay me down
and Kiss me Goodbye..

It's a funeral!

Not quite a funeral, but the ceremony
right before the big show

except the audience is empty,
and my thoughts are without purpose,
my existence without achievement.

let us give pause for the man with no future
for today is his funeral

let the trumpets play, and the blackness envelope
our minds as we say goodbye to a life that had
no hopes or dreams.

Because of the millions born,
there must be the broken ones, those without purpose
and without the love it takes to prosper.

so I say, let's have a funeral for them, and wish them goodbye
for our thoughts are better placed where we will find our own happiness
and where we can fulfill our own desires at the expense of our mothers glory

the precedence has been set, and now it is all we can see
let us consume, let us exhume all that glitters and glows
for god is waiting with open arms, and empty chests
awaiting our accumulated bounties!

when the time arrives for our funerals, let the world never forget
a fulfilled life has passed, and let us praise the ones
adept at these greedy systems, and at self fulfillment
those able to forsake the few who just cant make it
for they are but an eye sore, on the beauty of life
where all that extends before me is mine, and mine alone.