Alone,
I'm on my own.....

Thoughts,
Flooding through my mind,
Telling me I’m running out of time,
If I’m going to commit this crime,
I gotta do it while I’m in my prime,
So could someone please define,
What it means to be divine.

Was I not enough for you?
I told you I was in love,
But you flew away like a dove.

Darkness,
There is nothing to see,
Pitch Black,
Only darkness surrounds me.

Coldness,
There is nothing to keep me warm,
Really cold,
Coldness surrounds me like a swarm.

No Cure,
There is nothing to help me,
It's a disease I can't get rid of,
And it's killing me.

Growth,
I had a hard time to do.

Change,
I never thought could be so hard.

I was a bad teen to my parents,
Getting in trouble,
Not caring what happened to them.

Hanging with the wrong crowd,
Smoking and taking bad things.

But then I changed my life around,
I went from being on the dark path,
To going to a military school and graduating with the second highest rank.

But then I came back to the same **** I was trying to avoid,
Sister doing drugs,
Mother verbally abusive,
And father that just don’t give a ****.

But I don’t let that bring me down,
I got new friends,
Ones that care about me.

Never again will I,
Look at you,

Never again will I,
Talk to you,

Never again will I,
Love you.

I never thought that I would be there by your side,
You took my heart and made me fall out of the sky.
You told me you loved me and I thought you were right,
You gave me your heart and then you were mine,
But you took it back and gave it to some other guy.

I found about this, and found out it was my friend,
You told me you never wanted to hurt me,
But didn’t realize that you broke my beat.
My heart was fine, till you shot it, then it died,
Then I found someone who truly wanted to be mine.

You never were mine, because you told me fat lies,
It hurt me, I hope you do realize,
That if it wasn’t for me, you would never be with that guy,
I hope you realize my parents really liked you,
Because we’ve been through so much till it died.

I used to see a spark in your eye,
Everyday when you saw me,
It would light up like the night sky,
Until you saw that Atrocious guy.

I hope you realize that I noticed this,
The way you would pull him to the side,
You tried to be sneaky, but I am that guy,
Who notices when his girl turns sly.

She’s falling out of control,
Her life line cut,
People calling her a ****,
Just because she ****** up,
And we got a breakup,
Now everyone is calling her up,
To see if they can bump up.

Promise you love me,
I Promise I love you,
Promise you care,
I Promise I care,
Promise you will always be there,
I Promise I will always be there,
THEN WHERE ARE YOU??!!

You came at me,
I said “Do it I ******* dare you, you *******.¨

You said something that didn’t make sense,
Everything that comes out of your mouth doesn’t make sense.

You try to be intimidating and fight me,
But you forget I’m stronger and have more strategy.

I’ve survived more things than you,
You haven’t even lived life yet.

I was addicted to Acid,
Do you even know how it feels to have something control you?

Have you ever felt like you could leave this world,
And leave all your problems here?

But always come back,
And have to deal with the same ****?

Acid became a part of me,
And I loved it!

But I changed my life around,
And now I’m bigger and stronger than I ever was.

So tell me,
Do you really want to test my patience?

I’ll knock you on your ***,
Just to show you I’m not playing around.

So do it,
I dare you.

Come at me and find out what will happen,
But you can’t blame me for what will happen to you.

Because you asked for it,
It’s your fault that your on your ***.

We were great together close to perfect.
But back then i didn't deserve you, I do now but you with him so my past is trying to reflect.
Trying to drag me down to my old ways.
Replaying memories of those old days.
All those thoughts just lead me back to you.
I'm still trying to grasp how fast everything we had went to fade.
Sure for now I'll take the "L."
Somewhere down the road I'll take the win even if it has to be my last will.
Whether I get you back or I don't.
I'm barely afloat.
This depression is wrappin' around me so this fake smile I'm wearin' fits as good a coat.
Now I'm at the point I'm done with tryin'.
I'm lovin' you but Im hatin' you so Im cryin'.
It's been over a year tryna get you back or replace you.
Some just like you but not the same outer case as you.
Inside you is what I'm talkin' bout.
I loved your outside too but searchin' for a girl like you causin' me to live in a drought.
I know with out a doubt.
That I'm done fightin' with my heart and my mind.
Angle on my left shoulder wit' the Demon on the right.
Tellin' me not to give up fightin' for you but also tellin' me to forget about you but 11 months ago I couldn't decide on which side.
But now I can.
Ima stand.
No not for you.
Worry bout me and who I wanna be.
You can't drive me insane anymore.
My brain you can't claim anymore.
Get the **** up outta my head.
So bad I wish I was dead.
Im ******' fed up.
These thoughts ******' wit' me reminding me how much you were of a set up.
Get out my head.
With all the ******* you said.
Just wanna go to bed.
*******.
You wasted my time.
The way I see it wit' how much I loved you was a ******' crime.
I got my eyes set on someone else.
I got my bets on someone else.
****.
I've known her longer than I've known you.
Be with her is what I wanna do.
So **** the "L" I was takin.
And all the **** you were sayin'.
The line you have crossed.
The **** was barely even a loss.
I got the win now.
I won't sin now.
I am no longer a joke

With every touch she still resists
because of that one last kiss
she prays for the pain to go away
but others think it should stay
people say she's not grateful
but the truth is she's thankful
she puts a mask on her face
for she thinks is would be a ****** case
she doesn't know what to think
cause with every thought she'll sink
the negative thoughts flood through her head
so all she wants to do is stay in bed
they say she looks like a ****
but she still doesn't cut
she doesn't wanna deal with it anymore
but it got deep into her core
she always gets teased
and all she wants is peace

When will I learn,
And start to discern,
What would happen if I yearn,
To turn,
Into a Mimosa pudica fern,
So I can burn.

You talk to me like there’s still a we,
You ended it and said I’m a pesky bee,
So why are you still ******* at me,
Your being a sand flea,
Hopping around me at the sea,
So please just let me be,
Before you make it a dead sea.

I’m going crazy,
My mind is all hazy,
Should I go lazy,
Or go into a frenzy?

I hate it,
When someone looks at me,
and tells me that since i dont know alot of trucks,
that I'm not a man.
You know what *******!

Just because I don't know as much about trucks than you,
doesn't mean I'm not a man,
You just proved to me that you are not a man.

I worked my *** off to better myself as a human being,
I learned from my mistakes,
I been in this world longer than you,
and I have seen **** that you probably won't even see in your life.

So you might want to learn that from me,
Next time you say that to someone,
They might lose their temper like I almost did,
and they just might hurt you.

So you are very lucky today,
I'm not going to let this weigh me down today,
Or anyday.

I look in the mirror,
All I see is fear,
And tears,
Rolling down my face.

I pull over and park in the barrow pit,
Cursing myself for letting you quit,
You left our love in the dust,
For you it’s been covered up,

But for me I still see,
You giggling,
Because I said something,
You probably don’t remember that night,
But baby I can’t keep it off my mind,
You’ve been in my dreams,

I get out of my truck,
And turn the radio all the way up,
I thought we were in love,
But you just cut me up,
I was so torn up,
I saw you the other day,
And you looked just the same,

I just wish I could say,
Baby just stay,
But when love was in the air,
I thought you were being fair,
But you were never there,

I sat on my tailgate,
Wondering why I’m up this late,
Scrolling through all the pictures we took,
I delete them all,
It’s time for me to get over you,

I jump back in the driver's seat,
Slam the stick into 1st,
And I forget about you.

Ok so I'm a recovery addict have been for a year and three months, Well that was the case before last Saturday, I ****** up, was messing around with a "friend" of mine and we got high af and then we messed around with each other if you get the jist.
I just feel like **** knowing I let myself down and all my loved ones. But I'm not going to let that bother me. Im gon fight it and push myself to do better and beat my record. Any support from you guys would be amazing. Love all you guys

Last day of school,
A lot of people thinks I’m cool,
I’m just a fool.

No matter how hard I try,
Or how many times I cry,
I always want to die.

Got in a fight with my dad on Saturday,
He yelled and said "I don't love you anymore!"
"Never did, Never will!"
I snapped,
The day was just great,
Up until he started to diss me and my biological mother,
He knows not to do that,
But he did it anyways,
So I told him to *******,
That ya'll aren't my family,
And I walked off our property,
I walked 8 miles and I was in town,
When to a friends,
And smoked joints, and bowls,
Cant tell ya how many because it went to my brain,
Can't they see I'm struggling?
And that when they tell me I'm worthless,
Or that my mother was a ****?
**** she had a loving husband!
She loved my sister and I!
She didn't want to give us up,
So when people tell me that I'm lucky,
Ha their ******* funny,
Lucky for what!!??

Yo, Ashilee she brings the heat,
Sometimes she makes eat her sweets,
Even though she did retreat,
I don't wanna repeat,
I love her so dearly,
Sincerely,
I whisper in her ear,
We're going to be together for years,
I hope she can hear,
The pounding of my heart,
Cuz she's my lost part,
I don't want another broken heart,
You promised me you wont leave,
Because our love is already weaved,
We're dope,
But not doped out,
I ain't no boy,
Who treats girls like they're a toy,
I'm a man,
The man for you.

If you ask me,
How many times have I shed tears,
I’ll tell you,
Only a few,
Throughout the years,
But that doesn’t mean I’m heartless,
I have a heart,
But it’s torn apart.

Sometimes I feel like no one cares... They never listen to me. People walk by me on the streets and give me a look of disgust. Just because I wear chains, bulky rings, leather jacket and a flat bill. IN THE SUMMER!!!!  The lease I can do is help take it to your car. That is who I am. I've been through things most people do not go through everyday. I'm a disgrace to my family, they do not understand why I am like this.

Sometimes I feel like no one appreciates me... The other day at work, I got called up to the registers to help an older lady with her grocery. The moment she saw me she said that she can handle it. My coworker just gave me a sad smile. I WORK MY *** OFF TO KEEP THOSE **** SHELVES FULL OF PRODUCTS RUNNING BACK AND FORTH EVERY ******* DAY!!!!!! At the end of the day I am so stressed and exhausted that once I step foot in my room, I fall to the ground and curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out. I am 17 years old and I am already getting joint pain everywhere. I just want to end it all right here right now. I have school, work and not to mention the hell I have to go back home to.


PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP ME

Death,
It follows me around,
So I wear it as a crown,
Killing those who don't bow down,
They know me as Killer Clown,
In all towns.

I was a bad kid,
never realized it,
until I did,
only wanted to get a hit,
so I treated everyone like ****,
thought I could handle it,
started out with little bits,
but it evolved into chunks,
so I became a punk,
one day I woke up,
I was locked in a trunk,
looking back I should've been shook up,
instead I thought about hitting up,
my "friends" let me out,
told me I fell asleep,
and couldn't get me in the back seat,
apparently I got in a fight,
can't remember what happened,
wait maybe I might...
he hit me with his left,
I came back with my right,
I broke his nose,
suddenly there were his bros,
surrounding him to make sure he was ok,
but I didn't stay,
this was just one of many,
but I'm not gonna get into any,
people who didn't know me thought I was an angel,
but I was the devil,
I stole and lied to the ones I loved,
my parents called the cops,
and took me to the top,
told me I could go to jail,
not post bail.
gave me a warning,
and called them in the morning,
talked for a little bit,
I felt like ****,
this went on for four years,
now it brings me to tears,
every time I see the ones I hurt,
I wish I could take away their pain,
put it on a train,
tell them its ok,
But the past is the past,
I cant focus on that,
I set my eyes ahead,
thanking God I'm not dead.

I said never again,
you hurt me so many times.

But we started talking,
and you stole my heart again...

We went to Albion Idaho,
to the Haunted Mansion,
you were so clingy to me,
And I loved it.

A clown jumped out,
you screamed,
and you buried your head in the crook of my arm.

A guy came up and showed you a big glass box,
he said look at my spider,
I said **** that **** I'm out,
and when I moved you kept looking.

Then he moved and the glass box split in two,
it happened so fast,
a face shot out and you screamed.

You turned around thinking I was there,
But I wasn't,
You turned around looking wildly,
I shouted your name,
"Ashilee!!"
You saw me and ran to me.

You ran into me and we both went down,
I was holding you and we started laughing,
We got up and left.

The ride home was amazing,
laughing about what happened in every house,

Jezz I missed you Ashilee,
We took a long break from each other,
And the time frame made us love each other more.
I am so happy that you are with me right now,
I'm ready to make more memories.

Punching holes through the wall,
Christmas break was like a brawl,
Swearing,
Crying,
Fighting,
People tell me to stay strong,
How can I when everything I do is wrong,
My parents say it's all my fault,
That I'm the reason why we're falling apart,
And they wonder why I'm this way,
I'm sick and tired of coming home,
Having to deal with the same **** everyday,
So I drink some Brandy,
And some Gemma di Luna,
Locked in my room,
Waiting for my life to go !!BOOM!!

My Hunger,
My Cravings,
I'm trying my best,
But the after effects,
Are hurting me,
My mind is thinking on its own,
I don't have control,
Of my own life anymore,
I try but I fail,
Every withdrawal,
Is making me fall.

I'm ****** up,
Hated,
On Pro B,
Faded,
My life,
Dated.

Smoking bud,
It warms my blood,
Even though it makes me a dud,
I turn into a stud.