I love it
I hate it
I enjoy it
I loathe it
I give it my all
Sometimes I don't wanna give at all

It warms my heart
It breaks my heart
It brings me joy
It brings me pain
It strengthens me
It weakens me
I'm great at it
Sometimes I don't know how it should be done

It is fun
It is boring
Days are incredible
Nights are hell
I appreciate it
Sometimes I wish it'd never happened at all

As I lie in bed I stare
At the picture on the wall
It's not a picture of you
But it's a You picture

Every time I look at it
I see you
I see your efforts
To make it look like that
I see your thoughts of me
To make it for me
I see your attention to detail
To make it perfect for me
I see the sacrifices
You made to make me happy
I see the love
Pictured all over

I see me in the picture
The way you made it to resonate
With my feelings and emotions
The way you made it to exhibit
What was going in my mind
The way you made it to reveal
My fears and hesitations
The way you made it to unearth
Ideas I didn't know I had
The way you made it to convey
My dreams and fantasies
The way you made me be in view
Of myself
From a perspective I didn't know existed

It's not a picture of me
But it's My picture

I saw it when you said nothing
I saw it when you said something
I saw it when you shrugged it off
When you didn't wanna talk about it
When you said you didn't know
You didn't know how you felt
When you said that all that mattered
Was. Us. Now.

I saw it when you couldn't define us
I saw it when you refused to define us
I saw it when you wouldn't define us
When you dodged all questions
Questions to establish my place
My place in your messy life
A life you shrugged off upon

I saw it when you didn't want to accept
I saw it when you refused responsibility
I saw it when you assumed I knew
Assumed I knew what you wanted
Yet you didn't know it yet
You couldn't pin point it exactly
Because you didn't want to

I saw it when you didn't choose me
I saw it when you gave excuses
I saw it when you said you cared
Yet you wouldn't choose me
When you chose to look away
When you were taking steps back
When in actions you were away
Yet in words you said you were here

I had always known
That you would choose me not
But I hang on
Hoping for more
Wanting more
But wasting so much more

Sometimes I feel like
The universe is conspiring
To make me suffer

Sometimes I feel like
You came to teach me a lesson
But seems I'm a slow learner

Sometimes I feel like
You came to unteach me selfishness
That class is proving to be a hard one

Sometimes I feel like
You were meant to teach me patience
Which is not going so well

Sometimes I feel like
You were supposed to teach me pain
That actually is making real progress

Sometimes I feel like
You came to teach me self control
Happening rather slowly though

Sometimes I feel like
I am supposed to be drawing my strength from you
Maybe that'll happen someday

Sometimes I feel like
I'm supposed to be gaining
But all I feel is loss

Maybe my pain is my gain
And my strength is my weakness
But how do I really feel?

Today I was mad
Today I was alone
Today I felt ignored

Then I reached out
Out of myself and looked at others
That's when I got the check

The reality that I was selfish
The reality that you needed me
More than I needed you

I asked God for you
That you may see outside your darkness
That you may experience
That you who you think you lost

You ask how I am
I want to tell you Not fine
Then you'll ask What's up
Not because you wanna know
But because it's routine
And if you wanna know
It's because you are curious
Yes, you don't care at all

I want to tell you what's happening
But then you'll judge first
Or probably not pay attention
To you it's the flow of conversation
Not one you want to have
You'd rather it stopped at a fake 'I'm fine'
And when you do pay attention
It's because you want a story
To use at your next gossip session

You want to know
For the mere purpose of knowing
It wouldn't make a difference
If I was fine or not
Neither would it matter
If I lied about how I'm feeling
Why do you want to be my friend
If you don't want to be my friend?

In the midst of company
We will be sitting
Half listening half talking
Not concentrating
Not giving it our all

We want to give the most
Utmost attention to devices
Devices that give us joy
While stealing our humanity
Stealing our reality
Replacing it with fake
A fake we immediately embrace
Making it our reality

We are busy creating
Versions of ourselves
Personas created in devices
Behind camera lenses
Infront of photo softwares
Through internet connections

Without our devices
We barely survive
We are addicted
Without knowledge
Of our deep rooted addiction

We are dependent
Not just on power
But power in our hands
Giving us ability
To be anything
To be everything
Everything we are not
Slowly losing ourselves
To a life of want and need

Needing that fix
Infront of a bright screen
Like morning coffee
We open our eyes to screens
Like a nightly novena
We close our eyes to screens

I'm going to dream about you
I'm going to put you at the centre
Of fantasies that may never come true
I'm going to mould you
Into that which I would want to have
I'm going to give you all the love, and care
That I would want to give
I'm going to put you
Exactly where I would want you to be
But I won't tell you about it
No, I'm not going to take that chance
This, will only exist in my head

I used to think about you, alot
Then life changed
I realised it didn't matter at all
Because what I thought
Wasn't going to change a thing
You were determined to leave
Without a thought about those you left
As if you never mattered
But maybe that's what you thought
That you didn't matter
Or maybe I failed to show
That maybe you couldn't see
Or didn't want to see
That I didn't just care
But cared a great deal

I guess you assumed life would move on
Yeah, it did
But not as usual
You said it wasn't the life you wanted
But I didn't want you out of my life either
How can I learn to create
And make more true friends
If the only one that made it make sense
Applied the assumption
That everyone leaves
On himself?

I told you to stay away
I told you to block me
I told you not to pick my calls
I told you not to call
I told you not to text
Because I knew you wouldn't if I didn't
At least not for a long while

Our friendship then was toxic
It always becomes
When one friend crushes on the other
And the other doesn't feel a thing
Am glad you didn't feel
Am glad you didn't reciprocate
Am glad I had to get over it
Because I couldn't have gotten this tough
And be able to love this truly

It was difficult
But I'm glad it happened
It was a dark tunnel
One that I had to go through
To get an amazing new light
An incredible fresh start
To love right
To be loved as I should be
To be appreciated for loving
Exactly how it should be

I don't want to leave
But staying hurts

I don't want to admit it
But denying it also hurts

I don't want to face it
But ignoring it is hard

I don't want to think about it
But avoiding it is difficult

I don't want to feel it
But can you really get rid of feelings?

I thought I understood it
That I could grasp it but i didn't
Not really
Only the smudgeness of it
The pink slippered
All containered
Semi precious
Eagerness of it

I didn't realize it would sometimes be more than whole
That the wholeness was a rather luxurious idea
Because it's the haves the have you and have
Didn't know, don't know about the in betweens of it
The gory bits of you
The gory bits of me

I kept asking about her
And he kept telling
I do not know why I wanted to know
Given that he chose her over me
The illusion of love
Or perhaps the thought of it
Was what I had

I guess I thought I was better
Or would be a better mother
But the image of their life
Scarred deeply
Not that I wanted us to marry
Just that I wasn't his choice
I can't even stand living with him
Yet it hurt that he didn't choose me

Yes, he had been lying all along
That he didn't care about her
That he didn't love her
That he didn't want her
That he worried about his reputation
That he actually cared about how I felt
That it hurt him that he made me suffer
No, it didn't

The act was so well crafted
That I even believed he was the victim
Even when the actions didn't match the words
But choices tell alot about a person
Yes, I was foolish
Only now do I realize
That the blindfold can be so thick
That you don't see your own hurt
That you can care about someone too much
That you forget to care about yourself
So blind that you don't see past the words

Will you remember
Or will you forget
The first time you saw me?
The first time you held me?
The first time you were attracted to me?
The first time you cared for me?
The exact moment you fell in love?
The first time you kissed me?
The first time you spent time with me?
Our first time out together?
The fisrt time you didn't wanna let go?
The first time you couldn't resist
The urge to call?
The first time I was on your mind
For the whole day?
The first time you couldn't wait
To see my pretty face?

Will you remember
Or will you forget
The first time you didn't miss me?
The first time you hated my calls
The first time you didn't wanna talk to me?
The first time you stopped caring?
The first time you couldn't stand me?
The first time you lost interest?
The first time you let go?
The exact moment you lost the love?

Will you forget?
Or will you remember?

I made assumptions
Assumptions about you
They weren't true
You weren't capable
Being that person
That you portrayed

You wanted us
Thinking that you
Were this person
That you project
That you paint
To be seen

You have created
A public persona
To hide you
Behind those walls
That you raised
To extreme heights
To prevent anyone
From jumping over

Like predicted values
Of resulting attempts
Hurt and anguish
Befalls attempted climbers
Disappointment and brokenness
For making effort
Few steps up

Like movie roles
You have created
Extremely convincing characters
For all situations

Like double agents
You have managed
To be anyone
Anyone but you
Throwing us away
Away from yours
Your real scent
Away from you
Your real life.

I know you have questions
But I'm not proud of their true answers
So no, I will not answer
I know you think I'm being rude
I'm probably being rude
And selfish
But don't we all have those moments?
When we want to tuck the truths in our heads?
When we don't want to admit how we really feel?
When we don't want to say what we really want?
When we don't want to tell what really happened?

Do you know
How much you are loved?
I would say to the moon and back
But that's a little too cliche
Truth is
It's hard to define how much
Because love for you increases daily
With the little things you do
And the more love you show

The truth is that it hurts
Everytime I want to reach out but can't
Everytime I reach out and you're not available
Everytime I want your attention but you are busy
Everytime you say you will call and you never do
Maybe it's time
To wake up and smell the coffee
That maybe I'm becoming too attached
Or perhaps too needy
I've probably created expectations
Yet I told myself I wouldn't
Maybe I'm losing my friend
Maybe you are losing my friendship
Yet I said I'd never leave
Or maybe my mind is too idle
I don't want to lose you, my friend
Neither do I want you to lose my friendship
But this is indeed
The truth

Days fade into nights
Weeks into months
Months into a year
My heart breaks
Tears run down
There's no evidence
There's no hope

You wiggle and wiggle
Kicking and waving
Rolling and turning
You struggle to keep them closed
It is simple, but hard to you
My heart breaks
Tears run down
Cause I struggle with it too

I sit watching you
Thinking
Imagining
Dreaming
Hoping
For a change in this life
A future to be proud of
With evidence and exhibits
Of our struggles and efforts
And memories of the pain
To put smiles on our faces

I wanna be the woman who calls
Not because I'm expected to
But because I want to
The one who remembers the details
Of the things you say
Of the events and activities
The one who remembers the dates
Not because I'm expected to
But because I was listening
The one who looks closely
At you and yours
At your feelings and emotions
The one who catches your discomfort
Way before you speak of it
The one who catches your joy
Just before it launches
The one who listens to what you don't say
The one who knows when you don't wanna speak
The one who knows when to listen and not talk
The one who knows when to support
When to critique and when to criticize
The one who does it all with love

You hear sadness in my voice
And you ask if I'm okay
You know I'm not okay
Since you pride yourself
With knowing me so well
You ask again if I'm really okay
Waiting. Expecting. Wanting.
To hear the lie come out my mouth
With the specific words 'I'm okay '
You know I'm not
But you still ask

Tell me dear, Do you really care?
Do you really wanna know?
Does it even matter?
About how exactly I feel?
Would you rather I lie?
It doesn't, does it?

Truth is, you don't want to
To know what lies in my heart
To take your time and concern
To deal with my inner issues
To really be my friend
To do the work that is
You say you care
But you really don't

If someone took
A picture of us right now
They would see you
Without knowing it's you

They wouldn't know
That this glow in my face
Comes from my love for you
They wouldn't know
That this lovely fitting T-shirt
Comes from your closet

They would not know
That this candy he ***** on
Was bought with your money
They would not know
That the comfy diaper he has on
Was bought with your love

They wouldn't know
That the love we are sharing
Expands with the thought of you
They wouldn't know
That the prospect of a future
Expands with knowing you are in it

They would never know
That I'm happier because of you
That he's happier because of you

They would be taking a picture
A complete reflection of you
And they wouldn't have a clue
Of how incredible a mirror you are

It is surprising
How I'm currently helping you
When I'm constantly hating you
Giving you a scarce resource
That I want to use myself
Yet I'm sharing this with you

You bring out my irritant self
Not sure what it is you did
But everytime I see you
On my door
Or even in my line of vision
I'm always willing for you
To go away
And never come back

Sadly
You are always coming back
Maybe because you work next door
Always hovering around me
Needing my help
One way or another
Yet never appreciating the help

Always wanting
Something I always give
Especially when I don't want to
Maybe I'm a nice person
Or I'm just a coward

People talk about you alot
I rarely pay attention
But when someone I respect
Talks trash about you
I gotta pay attention
And heed to every warning

You are a major gossip
Talking about everyone
Talking about everything
Never once saying anything nice
Never even paying
For my services rendered
I wonder why I entertain you
Maybe I'm a nice person
Or I'm just a coward

I tend to read too much into things
To see so much in a simple gesture
To overanalyze stuff
But this time I won't
I will wait for the words
And if they don't come
I will not go looking
I will not force them out
Because if they really are to come
They will

How relieving
To feel the effect
Of having held on
To the wrong person
Wear off slowly
With the action of letting go

It hasn't been easy
But it gets better by the day
As I resist the urge
To call you when I'm in town
These days the urge isn't there

I don't even think about it
Like I used to
I don't feel the pain
Like I used to
I don't yearn to know
Like I used to

I didn't know
That the choice I made
Would make all this difference
Turns out it's true
That time actually heals

You didn't choose me
And I chose to let you go

I know I broke up with you
But I miss you

Not the you I broke up with
The you I fell in love with
The you who made my days smiley

Not the you that made my heart ache
The you who lit up my face
The you who smiled when I called

Not the arrogant you who got comfortable
The you who strived to make us happy
The you who cared about me

Not him who was okay away from me
The you who thought of us all the time
The you who called just to hear my voice

I miss him
The one who is long gone
The one who loved me.

She does run a bit hot
In the crazy department
So I had to step out
To take some me time
While she gets her fire danger level
From catastrophic
To low moderate
But ****,
Her blaze
Is a glorious thing to behold

I love having firsts with you
It's not an achievement
It's a fulfilment

I love new adventures with you
They don't just fill me with joy
They fill me with life

I love making you happy
It doesn't just make me happier
It reminds me of how I should be loved

I love making you feel loved
Not because it's the best you've ever had
But it's a measure of how much
You should have been loved

You said never to say never
But I'm saying it's time
To say never to the option
To the impossible option
And explore the favourable options
And have a happily ever after  

Go for it.
But first say never to this.

I'm never going to forget
That I loved you
And you rejected me
Not once.
Not twice.

If you read their poetry
You will learn so much more
Than you would if you talked to them

Their thoughts and opinions
Their feelings and emotions
Their values and virtues

Because it's who they are
They are quiet souls
They are loud poets

I'm your weakness.
You're my kryptonite.

The same feeling that gives you that goofy smile
Is the same one that gives you that worried face

The same feeling that makes you happy
Is the same one that makes you sad

The same feeling that makes you do incredible things
Is the same one that makes you do dispeakable things

The same feeling makes you sleep well at night
The same one makes you not sleep at all

The feeling that motivates you
Also crushes your spirit

The same one filling you with tears of joy
Is the same one filling you with tears of sorrow

The same feeling giving you energy
Is the same one making you weak

I don't need you
To say you love me
I can hear it before you speak
I don't need you
To say you miss me
I can feel it in your words
I don't need you to say
You can't wait to see me
It's laced in the words you speak
I don't need you to say you care
It's evident in what you do for me
You don't need to say I'm special
It's evident in how you treat me

Yes, you don't have to say it
But I want you to keep saying it
Even more
Because it turns out
I'm in too deep

I long for those days
When you'd call three days later
And say "You have been silent"
Which was code for "I've missed you"
Because in those days
Three days was considered too long

It's 1am and I can't sleep
Insomnia has invaded
Not for the usual reasons today

It's care
I'm surprised by how much care there is
It is surprising how much care there can be

On this one night that he chose to let me
I couldn't have it
Funny how you can't have it when you want it most

How I would want to get some sleep
But how can you control
Something you have no control over?

I love how you hold on to me
To my clothes rather
Like I'm your only hope
Like I'm all you've got

I love how you follow me
Through the room with your eyes
As if you don't want to let me go
As if you want to go with me

I love how you loop around
To find where I'm at
When all you were doing in my arms
Was wail and wiggle

I love how you laugh at me
When you are on another's arms
As if admitting how you enjoy
Playing games with me

I love how look at me
Before you make a decision
As if looking for approval
Showing you value my opinion

I love how you reach out for my plate
As if you're interested in my meal
But you're only jealous
Of the attention I'm giving my food

Sometimes I delete your messages
So I don't see you
At the top of my messages list
Then I would be tempted to text
And when I do
I wouldn't want you to see it
And then I would delete it
Then you would ask why I deleted it
And I wouldn't know what to say
Because just like everyone else
I'm afraid to admit exactly how I feel

I met him
The guy who replaced you
Where we used to meet
He did something
Something I thought only you
Only you would understand
Only you would relate to

It was hard to resist
The urge to call you
And rant about it
Make sarcastic jokes about it
And laugh about how
He was making do
In the terrible job you had

But then I checked myself
I realized I just found
Someone who gets my sarcasm
Someone who gets me
Someone I wanna share stuff with
And that's how it went
The urge to be reckless
To reach out to you

Amazing, isn't it?

I'm going to call you LG
Not because you're a Lyrics Guru
But with you my Lyrics Grow

You give me a Line to Ground
You'll catch me as I fall
You give me Landing Ground
I can drop myself on you

With you I won't settle on Lower Ground
You'll push me to climb higher
With you I'm Laser Guided
I see myself. I focus on me.

With you I don't need Luxury Goods
Simple is bliss
With you there's no Liar Game
Truth is the way

You light me up like Liquid Gas
With you I don't need Lip Gloss
I'm always shining
With you I don't wanna Let Go

I'm going to call you LG
Not because you're a Lyrics Guru
But because you're my Lyrics Guru

She's alot like you
She loves you
But she forgets to say it
Just like you forget to say it

Why do you always assume
That complimenting you
Means I like you?
That greeting you
Means I want a conversation?
That conversing with you
Means I want advice?
That my taking time to look good
Means I wanna be hit on?

If I had lots of money
I would buy you a house
Right by the airport
So you would watch planes
Like you said you wanted to

If I had lots of confidence
I would open my heart to you
I would let it go to you
So you can love me as deeply
As you wanted to

If I had lots of faith
In my life and future
I'd open up the doors
To my house for you
So you would clean up the vices
That you wanted to

If I had you
I would envision every day
With you and next to
Me and my delicate heart
Then I wouldn't hurt anymore
Because you said I shouldn't

How can you be so irritating
Yet so nice
How can you be so negative
Yet so ambitious
How can you be so hardworking
Yet such a *****
How can you be so loving
Yet so talented at back biting
How can you be so nice to her
Yet turn around and gossip her

It's like you're two people
But you're amazing at being both
You make me miss you
But can't stand you five minutes later
You make me want to be like you
Only to reconsider that minutes later

Like an elastic string
You stretch then pull back
So fast I lose track
I want to know who you really are
But that's a disastrous mission
For now I'll keep jumping back and forth
Between those two people
Interesting, isn't?

You are Ambitious
You are Determined
You are Kind
You are caring
You are generous
You are hardworking
You are responsible

You are painful
You are hurtful
You are discouraging
You are a bully
You are controlling
You are a dictator
You are belittling

Your words, slice like a sword
Your actions, attack like a predator
Your mood, destroys like the plague

How I wish I could rid myself of you
But you're the only one who's got my back
You'll always come to my aid
After my sitting through those sentiments
Uttered with the intention to hurt
Sometimes intending to gloat
And stress on how important you are
I want to walk away
But even then I'd still need you

It's amazing
The ability to turn a setback
Into something funny
Into something beautiful
Into something to smile about
To turn it upside down
And let it bring happiness
Instead of sadness
Apparently, it's true
Life's what you make out of it