You said you're getting married
Most people would say congratulations
But my present to you
Is these questions

What's your reason?
Do you love her?
Does she love you?
Do you care about her?
Does she care about you?
Do you make her happy?
Does she make you happy?
Do you want her?
Does she want you?
Are you doing this,
Because it's the right thing to do?
And do you want to do the right thing?
Are you afraid, Of what they will think?
Are you afraid, of feeling what you feel?
Are you afraid, of a repeat
For the last one had feelings?
You can be anything you want to be
You're an expert, remember?
You can make it how you want them to see
You're adept at it, remember?

As I let you go
All I wish is the best
At a successful marriage.

I miss those Fridays
I miss the journeys
The looking forward to seeing you
The continued anticipation as I approach the city
The elation from knowing you would be waiting for me
The look in your eyes when you saw me
The happiness in your voice when you said hi
The warmth of your tight embrace

I miss those Friday night surprises
I miss the suspense of your surprise for the night
The quiet walks in the city
The cool conversations at restaurants high up
Bingeing on shakes and chips
Reminiscing on how we came to be
Looking into our future
Freely talking about our ugly sides
Talking about how we are lucky to love
How incredible it is that we found each other

I miss those cool nights
I miss walking along empty city streets
Talking as we relished the coolness of the night
I miss holding your hand as we walked the streets
The calmness of walking beside you
How safe I felt walking with you

I miss the late nights
Walking to catch the bus past ten
Getting home fast without traffic
Walking home just before midnight
Getting home with tired legs and a full stomach
Tired from walking, stuffed with junk food
Getting lost in the bliss of being together

Have you ever
Felt unwanted
Felt like you were a burden
Like it was a struggle to accommodate you?
Like they didn't want you
But they didn't want to really tell you?
Like they wanted you out
And passive aggression was how they said it?

Have you ever
Been rejected
Without being told so?
Been made to feel unwelcome
By those you thought wanted you?
Been told that you were unwanted
Inaudibly yet loudly?

It is hurtful
To find yourself having the reality check
From thinking you had a support system
From thinking you were loved
To knowing that you were being tolerated
To knowing that it was a facade
That they put on for someone's benefit
From thinking someone had your back
From thinking you could let go and let them
To knowing that you are on your own
To knowing you have been on your own
For a very long time
Without the realization that you were

You are suffering
Because you love her
Even if you won't admit it

Why did you end the other one?
You said she didn't respect you, anymore
That says she did, respect you
At some point, you were happy
You did start well, together

So how will you start it with this one?
This one who doesn't respect you?
This one who doesn't care about you?
This one who's not your friend?
This one walking all over you?

Don't you think
Getting into an unhappy marriage
Is signing into your own suffering?

I want to have friends
The kind that are absolutely free
To say anything that comes to mind
The kind that have no reservations
In conversations and opinions
The kind that are blunt
In honesty and giving advice
The kind that I would go to
So they talk me out of bad decisions
Or to encourage my difficult decisions

The kind that would know what I need
In any situation I'm in
Who know when I need a cup of tea
Who know when I need to be dragged out
Or to be pulled out of a bad choice
To be pushed to reach my potential
Who know how to make me have fun
How to make me laugh
In the worst circumstances

I love how you smile
To my 'I love you '
As if to say you know
That you are the reason for my smiles
And frowns as well
As if to say you know
That I love you without effort

I love the way you repeat
After my calling you baby
As if to say you know
That it means you are my world
That you are the reason I work
Hard to get you the dream
The joy of being happy
The joy of being loved
Exactly how you should be

I'll stay happy
Though sometimes sad
When you aren't happy
Though sometimes angry
When you are being difficult
Though sometimes sorrowful
When you don't get what you need
But never will my love waver
Because you are indeed
Something to live for

As days pass
I keep asking myself
Why I'm fighting
For something that's almost dead

My efforts are futile
But I don't want to let go
My will to fight isn't there either
But I don't want to stop fighting

The push away
Stronger that the pull in
But still I wanna push in
I wanna get back in
But what if there's no in anymore?

What if I wasn't meant to stay in?
Maybe I'm not wanted in there
I'm probably being laughed at
For not giving up
Maybe I should.

I want you to be busy
So much that you don't call
I want you to be caught up
So much that you forget about me
I want you to fall in love
So hard that you don't have space for me
I want you to make friends
So great that you don't need me
I want you to have a family
So close that you don't want me
Then maybe
Just maybe
I can get over these feelings
And begin to forget you

You are taking away my precious things
Without knowing you are
You are denying me my most valued times
Without knowing you are
You are giving me headaches
Without knowing at all
You are causing tears in my eyes
Without knowing you are
You are taking away my happiness
Without knowing you are
You are consuming my thoughts
Without knowing you are
You are taking control
Without knowing you are
You are taking away so much
And you have not a clue
It's not your fault
It's way beyond your control
But this, is what you are doing to me
And I can't do anything about it
And that *****

If you didn't know what it feels like
To be unloved
By those supposed to love you
You wouldn't know what it feels like
To be dearly loved
By someone who didn't need to love you
But chose to love you

If you didn't know what it feels like
To lack support
From the people you call family
You wouldn't know what it feels like
To have unconditional support
From someone who doesn't need to support you
But wants to support you

If you didn't know how it feels like
To be treated with contempt
From the people you look up to
You wouldn't know how it feels like
To be cared for
To be respected
To be encouraged
To be told to race for your dreams
By someone who just cared for you
Without expectations

Yes, it is okay
To be in disbelief
To not be sure if this is really happening
To wake up every morning
Wanting it to last forever