I used to be scared,

scared of everything.

Maybe it had something to do with being the first born child in a sheltered family.

I never saw anything raunchy until I was on my own.

So I didn't know.

I had to sleep with the lights on and a movie playing for years, for fear of something.

Something I never knew.

But these days,

after the death of a child, I've gone wild.

I want nothing but horror.

I want to gore, the mystery, the blood, the autopsy.

I was everything dark.

I've always thought that I was special.
that I am here for a reason.

I can feel something bubbling inside.

I can feel the ride.

Something wicked this way comes.

Listen, I'm fine don't worry,

um.

I have it figured out don't worry.

um.

I have the support the jury.

um.

I think I am sinking, no worries.

Help, I think I'm stuck on my tongue.

Help, I used to feel old but I'm young.

Help, I once was a child but that's done.

****,

I thought this would be more fun.

****, I'm still feeling old wounds.

****, I still love cartoons.

****, the world is ending,

typhoon.

See you soon.

today

I sat very still

the kind where you can almost hear the silence. I could feel my heart alive in my chest. beating.

walk on. walk on. walk on.

it wasn’t easy
I had to crawl to get here.

a lot of time spent tip toeing
through easily depressing situations

I don’t do well with emotional upsets
slit wrists
like please don’t hurt me
palms curled to a fist

but I couldn’t seem to
escape
his body weight

some things you just can’t
undo

unlike a knot tied
and pulled tightly
straight like a line
testing for sobriety

I AM NOT
linear

but you are

just like how you
think the past
shouldn’t
bother
me

and how recovery
should be me
getting over
it all

can you really call
yourself a professional
if you have never
walked the line?

so.

please- try mine.

not many people like you
because you’re the type to
crawl
not in the literal sense
but in how long it
took to overcome withdrawal

see a lot of people have it
figured out
everyone’s sized you up
they want to seize you
trap you
inside a tiny plastic cup

some people like the way you look
others are afraid
beauty in your many behaviors
many faces
many legs

it’s incredible how intricate
you weave and toil lies
sinful in the way you look
all masked with butterflies

you have this thing you do
you spin them in all directions
then wrap them tightly
as a product of perfection

stressing over
pulling all the lines in time
since no one hates a spider more
than one they cannot find