i used to be in love once
with someone
i thought only i
could love the way i did

i used to be in love
or at least what i thought love was
because i held her smile
with both of my arms spread wide
like my wrists were nailed
to the corners of her lips

whenever we said our goodbye's
i felt like a part of me
was taken away
and the hole that was left in my chest
was, as i convinced myself, one only she could fill again

i gave her everything
but i rubbed my eyes with salt
to mask the truth that she didn't care to do the same

i used to be in love once
with someone
i thought only i could love the way i did
but no matter how much i studied her
studied her every move
i never learned that to be in love
is not the same
as to just
love

because you never asked me
to be your saviour
i don't need to hold up your smile with my wrists
because yours would appear
whenever mine would light up your world

we'd say goodbye
and you'd carry a part of me
as i carry a part of you
and from then on
it became something we both shared
something
that encompasses any distance between us

i felt like i gave you nothing
but you tell me
that all you need
is me

they say i'm foolish
to rush a love like this
but i didn't seek it
the complete opposite rather
i pushed you away
and you pushed me away
but here we are

they say
you're not what i think you are
it may or may not be true
nevertheless, the response is
"shut the **** up. to hell with you"
because for once
i think this love is good for me

i’m tired of counting the days
until the rays of light beaming through my eyes
will cease to shine
when you finally tell me
that i am no longer yours
and you are no longer mine

there will be time in your life
when nothing seems to work
when all the pain you can muster up in your wrists
will not be nearly enough to shoot endorphins through your veins

when you don’t know if the choking feeling in your throat
is because of the pills you downed in a heartbeat
or the recurring thought of “i’ll never be good enough”
of “maybe i should just **** myself”

when the sadness has drilled too big of a hole in your chest
that your nerves can’t seem to send your brain signals
that pain has flooded your entire system
shutting down not only your organs
but also your ability to move
to speak
to think

when your highs seem like mountains to climb
and your lows just another step forward
to fall into the neverending trance
of the sensation upon reaching the bottom

you just want everything to stop
you want your atriovencular valve to cease its motion
your aortic valve never to open again
to never close again
there will be no more isovolumic contraction nor relaxation
the beat at which your heart dances to keep you alive

you want it all to stop
maybe it will keep you from life’s ups and downs
you want a flat line
no rising action
no falling action
you want nothing
you want to be nothing
or you just want to be happy

but if there are no ups, no downs
no contactions
no relaxations
when your heart has flatlined
that means you’re dead
and no amount of epinephrine will bring you back

just take a shock to the system
please, whatever you do
don’t sign for a DNR
“do not resuscitate”
take a shock to the system
to remind you that being around
is actually pretty worth it
that pain
that suffering
they give beauty to life
they are the beauty of life
that you’re the beauty of someone else’s

so then all your flaws
connect like constellations in the sky
because "i love you"
will stay despite

Reunions are great.

Catching up with old friends and family.

After months or even years apart, that first meeting is sheer bliss.

But with you, every meeting is a reunion.

Every second air fills the space between our finger tips
Every second our sweaty, caloused hands are apart time slows down.

Slow enough to make seconds feel like days, days feel like weeks, weeks feel like months and years..... I'd rather not think about it.

I just want to tell you that when Im with you, time feels right.

Not too fast. Not too slow.

Just right.

There is no clean slate

You cannot restart the game

Only continue.

darling you are my sun

my whole system gravitates

towards you

and darling, i don't mind being set ablaze

my skin being scorched

by your open flame