I am slowly
dragging Myself
out of a treacherous
hole meant for those
who defy the truths
being inserted into
our menacing minds.

I want to hang
from the ceiling
so that maybe
I can learn
how to see
life from a
different
perspective
instead of
this dark
gray, agonizingly
painful one.

I feel so guilty,
loving someone new
for all I had ever loved
was you
You who trapped me,
Isolated me,
infected me,
and dissected me.
Piece by piece,
I was turned to nothing.
Yet this someone new,
with just a smile
has freed me,
and turned me into something

I keep dropping everything for you,
but you won't help me pick anything up.
Instead, you drag me away from my pile of things,
so we can pick up yours, and go back to that place.
That place isn't my favorite, in fact it's the worst.
I can't speak, or sleep, or even eat.
I'm suffocating in this casket you keep me in,
while all my things grow mold and become so overwhelming.
So overwhelming, which means it's hard to face them.
And so my pile of things keeps growing,
and I keep helping you clean and organize-
in the hopes that you'll help me clean up just a little bit of my own.

Hey,
I just wanted to take a moment
To say, "I love you."
And, "I never want to be without you."
That's it.
Thats all.
Just me saying the things
That typically go without being said.

Unconditional love can take hard work,
but don’t forget it can become a gain.
As you dodge each other's weak spots, you smirk.
Just remember a mean cheat can cause pain.
It becomes an agonizing workout,
that takes the most time out of your routine.
When you realize just how much time, you shout.
The load of severe time loss is obscene.
Try to escape, but you won’t get away.
You're trapped in a love that tears you apart.
Every marriage turns to a harmful play,
that waits until you're trapped to break your heart.
After escaping you will return soon,
you will be there dancing in the full moon.

Her skin glistened in the light,
and so they thought her beautiful.
But that same glistening blinded them,
they no longer guarded their hearts.
And that was when she struck,
leaving behind a trail of blood and tears.

Sometimes I do small things,
small enough people don’t notice.
I pinch my wrist,
I pull my hair.
I let piercings close-
only to pierce them again.
I seek out so much pain-
so much hurt-
because it helps me feel again.

I’m surrounded and alone.
These figures try to communicate,
but they never try to come closer.
I can’t understand a word they say.
I see their mouths move,
but that’s all that happens.
Their mouths move,
and they remain stagnant.
I try to communicate with hands,
I try to communicate with action ,
but they turn around and refuse to watch.

How can they hope to communicate
if they won’t meet me halfway?

Stopstopstopstop
You're not supposed to listen to these
Thoughtsthoughtsthoughts
Remember what happened the last time, all those
Cutscutscutscuts

You're tearing yourself apart. Stop.
Just stop.
You're being stupid.

I met this boy when the pandemic began.
My mind was swimming in dark seas,
but this boy- he made me happy,
even if it were only bits and pieces so rare.
I met this boy and my tears disappeared,
laughter filled and echoed around me,
and I finally smiled regularly.
I grew fond of this boy in record speed,
but I was not the only one whose mind swam.
His mind was deep- submerged completely,
and it could be so hard to reach.
I tried, but I could only do so much-
and the water consumed and devoured me.
Even now, I’m slowly sinking-
a prisoner of this vicious, unrelenting sea.

Talking?
You think that could help?
Talking about
the deep
grey bad things.
I tried.
It didn't work.
I still let
the blood
run down
my arms.

I say the words “I love you.”
I say them because I mean them.
It’s not something reserved for dating.
It’s not something reserved for family.
I say them because I mean them.
We don’t have to be in a relationship.
So why when I say those three words,
do you reply “that’s nice?”
Any other time you’d say them back.
But because we’re not in a relationship
you say, “that’s nice.”

I am lost in an irate,
extensive sea.
yet I cannot swim.
I try to copy the motions of others,
but I do not have the technique.
I slowly begin to descend
into the raging water.

I cannot help but to question
why people
learn to swim
against a current
when they could
lean back and be free.

I am submerged
in an ocean
of my own making.

I don't worry as much,
which is strange to me.
I'm not constantly thinking about you,
and that's probably a good thing.
You were my best love,
and it's okay that we're just friends.
I don't hurt anymore,
I've given in to the numbness within.

I am too emotional.
I am overbearing.
I am too reliant.
I am simply too much.

That's what you say.
And that's alright.

I love you,
but sometimes I wish I didn't.
Sometimes I wish to escape,
but that's the part I keep to myself.

I'm slipping into an ocean
filled with doubts
and i'm mentally unwell.
These thoughts eat at me,
like fish in a feeding frenzy.
I keep getting bitten-
each chunk leaves and
I'm slowly forgetting
who I am and who I want to be.
Someone just reach out and save me.
I can only do so much on my own.
I'm swimming but what use is that
when I'm in the middle of a sea.
I have no assistance.
No boats, not even a floatie.
I just need some sort of release
from treading endlessly.
So please help me to save me.
I can't keep this up.
I'm becoming hopelessly exhausted.
I'm going to sink,
and when I do,
just promise you'll remember me.

I feel unneeded.
And that’s so different from unwanted.
I feel as though I serve no purpose for others.
The ones I love simply don’t need me.
I feel as though I only hinder-
I’m in the way.
They’re indifferent.
I’m not unwanted,
I’m simply unneeded.

I'm walking down a path
And along the way...
I just keep getting stung and bitten.

I'm enduring this path
But is there any point...
If I just keep getting tossed to the ground?

I was told I ruin everything-
Every friendship, relationship, or in between.
I give every small piece of me,
rarely asking for any reprieve-
and yet I still manage to ruin it.
Every single time.
I keep taking the blame,
because I know your shoulders are weak,
and while I may be struggling,
you are certain to crumble under the weight.
For now I’ll continue to carry your mistakes,
but I ensure you that I won’t always.
I’ll eventually clear this weighted plate.

You're gone now,
but I can focus on me.
I can copy and paste more smiles on,
while deleting my feelings and opinions.
I'll turn on autocorrect,
and format myself the "right" way.
I'll accept suggestions from my peers,
and stop straying from the rubric.
Maybe this way, I'll be worthy of an A.
I won't become the F that's in everyone's brain.
So the revision begins, even if what's inside me ends.
Wish me luck, I can't take another failing grade.

I hide, but you find me.
I escape but you capture me.
There is no love, only horror.
I found your notes,
on the gravestones of my family.
My mother, father and brother,
they are my town, my home.
You took them away, and tortured me.
I try to run, but you scratch and bite.
Pieces of my flesh gone, memories changed,
bones broken, and hope astray.
I hope you rot in this place…

You are a violent beast,
trapping me in this ugly cage.
You’re lethal, and delusional,
watching every step I take.
The trickle of blood,
falling down my neck.
The colors swirl together,
making an ugly black blank
of nothingness as I slip
from consciousness.
The pain leaves and
I waste away wistfully
into a blur of shadows.

Run, run, run, I cannot hide.
Pools of blood near my side.
Run, run, run, pools of blood.

You’re as frightening as a nightmare
pulled from the deepest thoughts
and fears inside me.
I now sleep endlessly,
as the memories
consume and
devour me.

A gnarly mess of emotion
Is fighting from within me
Trying to win the right to tear me apart
From the inside out.

Each thought stretches my skin
As I writhe in agony
I cant take it
Make it go away
Please
Just please
Someone be there for me

I miss those moments,
but I would not change our ending.

I used to imagine a future-
and I was genuinely excited to see
exactly what was meant to be.

Now that future has disappeared-
and I’m scared to walk this trail
knowing that everything I try will only fail.

I was just so numb,
and the blade pierced my skin
as if it had a mind of its own.
I watched the sad drip away,
All the pain seep out,
in a vivid and bright red.

Am I too fat, or too skinny?
Am I too loud, or too quiet?
Am I too tall, or too short?
Am I too happy, or too sad?
Am I too outgoing, or too shy?
Am I too rich, or too poor?
Am I too tan, or too pale?
Am I too ugly, or too pretty?
Am I too much, or too little?

If you're going to tell me
What society thinks I should be
Then at least set a realistic standard.