I act as if I'm winning,
But underneath it all I still lose,
In a prison of thoughts and hidden feelings,
Struggling to free myself from this noose,

You ask me if I'm fine,
I smile and lie to you,
Will I ever be good enough?
I'll never tire of trying for you.

DISCLAIMER:
This was the moment I felt like I've lost hope and any chance of being well. Hello Poetry allowed me to communicate my thoughts with others during those times I felt I was most alone. This was never published, because I lost interest in this account, and at the time I thought it was pointless. However, I slowly reminded myself of my worth. I slowly picked myself up, and decided in that moment that I will never let another person's thoughts or feelings towards me decide how I will live and experience this life that I was given. I reached out to people who I long forgotten and opened up to those who I trust. I found my support system who until this day are the same people who I can run to without judgement during those times that I feel vulnerable.

I lost many "friends"; betrayed by my own flesh and blood; and felt lost most of the time when I needed to find myself. I keep a smaller circle, but it took some getting used to after being a person who kept a lot of people around himself for most of my life.

All that being said. I hope that this can be a reminder that losing everything you thought was good in life is not losing everything at all. At the end of the day, no matter how bad the situation, we can all find another reason to keep going if we only dig deep, trust, and believe in ourselves.

For what it's worth,
I lived for you;
However, my existence ceased to be,
Because of you.

Gone are the days of being young and carefree,
Nowadays it's been replaced with what if and maybe,
By now I thought I would've had everything figured out,
But why is it that I'm still longing for something I couldn't live without?

Have you ever been so numb,
That your being has been void of its emotion?
Howling strong winds and cracking thunderstorms,
But as calm as the bottom of the ocean?

Have you ever felt being put in a pedestal,
on a personal collection?
False feeling of importance,
But there never was connection.

Nowadays, I spend my days,
wishing of the days past.
Every day is a waking struggle,
I wonder how much more it may last.

I took it all for granted,
all I wanted was it to work out.
Promise of openness,
But it's difficult to be heard out.

I left a lot of things,
tried to show you your importance.
Surrounded me with material things,
But loneliness is what my soul has.