With no rhyme or reason
I suddenly feel
furious and angry and frustrated and enraged
This is a time when my emotions
will destroy everything in my path
if left uncaged
It is a time when
I feel like a wrecking ball;
No, not the Miley Cyrus song-
A real wrecking ball to tear down the walls
Break through it all
Screams echoing down the hall
To fall on nonexistent ears
This is a time when I just want to
scream and cry and scream and cry,
and then cry and scream again
But my screams went silent long ago
And my tears just don’t fall
Crystalline in the lamplight
And maybe that’s why
Once upon a time
Blood stained the grimy bathtub floor
Dripping from the chasms that I opened
on my arms and legs and hips
Bottomless holes to set my demons free
Stop the screaming
The blood flowed the way the tears would not
Clean and strong, keep flowing on
Not afraid to leak past the surface of my skin
But blood is not an option anymore
A promise made, broken, made fresh again
I will not break my promise again
And I just wish that the tears would flow
clear and clean, emptying me
But I’m afraid to cry, splotchy red face
embarrassing me
Someone once told me
that I am strong
because I was brave enough to just go on
But bottled-up emotions and blood in the bathub isn’t strong
And I feel like an old Linkin Park song
So someone just tell me what the **** is wrong with me
‘Cause everytime I try to figure it out, I’m wrong
Older faces, wiser than me
tell me that nothing right now will last permanently
But anxiety like this, crippling heartbeat,
That doesn’t just go away
And I think the only reason I’m here today
is fear and true love;
Hope saved me so I may one day see
Sunlight on my child’s face, lighting up green eyes, my eyes
But I have to survive the hardest part first
and this is just the beginning
Fear pinning me down won’t let me move on
But love keeps me strong so I can still live on
But the darkness keeps nipping at my heels, so I run on
And sunlight brightens my scars.
Another emotional one...my emotions have been all over the place the past couple of days...and I’m amazed I haven’t had a panic attack yet this week. My anxiety right now is sky-high, and depression is tearing up my mind so that I don’t even know what to think or feel anymore. I feel like the only rock I have to cling to right now is my boyfriend, and maybe my sister. Even the rock of my family has been covered by the stream I’m trying not to drown in.
Even though I am starting to open up more about my emotions, it’s still hard, and I’m still not saying everything, still not letting it all out...except for in my poems. My poetry is my only truth, my only real release.
I just want to take a moment thank my readers and followers for taking a couple seconds out of your daily life to read my poems, and to repost or leave a comment for me. You’re all awesome, and I couldn’t be happier for my 81 followers. :) It always brightens my day to see one of my poems trend, or to see good feedback, see a new follower, or even to see just a single like on a poem. So thank you all, you rock! It’s with the support of all of my readers that I’ll keep writing ‘till the end of my days, which will most likely be in 70 years or so. Yep, 70 more years of Sky. :) Look for me on those book covers, people. I’ll be there one day. :)