Under the countless stars,

I ponder and wait for a clue.

What was I meant to do?

W̶h̶y̶ ̶a̶m̶ ̶I̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶e̶?̶



What was I waiting for?

Will it be worth the wait?

Was it to decide my fate?

I̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶g̶e̶t̶.̶



All I remember was a feeling.

Like I had to wait and see.

Like I had to wait to be free.

W̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶s̶a̶d̶n̶e̶s̶s̶?̶



Was it for help?

Was it for something more?

Seriously, what was it for?

W̶h̶y̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶I̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶y̶?̶


I guess I'll wait till' the sun goes down.

W̶h̶y̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶h̶e̶l̶l̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶I̶ ̶s̶t̶i̶c̶k̶ ̶a̶r̶o̶u̶n̶d̶?̶

A happy girl I once was.

Now I look back and it's all fuzz.

Then you can into my sight,

and tried to help me with all your might.


But you went away from here.

I look back now and shed a tear.

You're not dead, I know that for sure.

You left and knew you were my cure.



You're out there somewhere in the world,

When I find you, my life will be turned.

But maybe you left for a reason.

Maybe you didn't want to deal with my demon.


Maybe you got tired of all this.

Maybe you wanted to live in bliss.

Maybe you hate me. But I need you to know.

You need to know that I love you and won't let you go.

I think you're the one for me.

You help me be who I want to be.

I thank you for all you've done.

You taught me how to have fun.


I envy you. You're full of love.

You told me I could rise above.

I like you. I don't know why.

You want me to be honest, not shy.


I don't want to lose you. Now or ever.

You make everything around me better.

So we can do it. Me and you.

Together, there's nothing we can't do.

You were to one who decided to go.

And yet you crawl back to me.

After I finally thought I was free,

you still think I don't know.


I'm not dumb, I remember what you've done.

I remember how toxic and manipulative you are.

I remember all those emotional scars.

Is this your idea of "fun"?


Manipulating. Making people love you.

Then breaking their hearts and being mean.

Gotta admit, you're pretty good. I fell for your evil scheme.

But know now what I can do.


I'm cutting ties with you my "friend".

And I hope that your nasty plan will end.

The sun beams down,

Onto the dry ground.

But leaves will soon fly,

Through the navy blue sky.


But soon the leaves will turn to snow.

Fall will come and it will go.

And as the snowflakes fall in my face,

The world is turned into a colder place.


And finally the snow will melt,

And the warmth is once again felt.

Rain will fall but thats alright.

Because soon there will be light.


The seasons will change,

Just like humans will rearrange.

Change if you feel it is right.

Because in the end, you too will be bright.

Colours blur right before my eyes.
I can finally see through these lies.
Am I dying? No. It can’t be.
All I ever wanted was to be free.

Is this my fate? To be like this?
To be unloved? To not be missed?
To be the way that I am right now,
Isn’t good. I need to change, but how?

Changing the way I look and feel.
So that nothing will ever be real.
Change the way I talk to others.
Change the way I see the colours.

See the colours in a new light.
See the ways I can win the fight.
See the colours as others do.
See everything as lies rather than true.

Take away the colours of honesty.
Take away the things that bleed.
Take away the joy of our lives.
To make us sharp just like knifes.

Remember that promise long ago?

After that, you seemed to glow.

Day and night I was by you.

At you side, the time flew.


The promise is always in my mind.

Those words that I long to find.

That night, we swore to stay,

by each others sides till' the last day.


So I'll do that. Of course I will.

Those holes in your heart I'll try to fill.

I'll stay by you, I promise.

Together, we can live in bliss.

Leave the past to the past.

Because it hurts to be reminded

Of the time I was blinded

By the dark shadow you cast

Memories fade but never truly go.

I comes back like the falling of snow.

Painful ones and ones that are good.

They come back just as they should.


Even if it's bad, it'll come again.

It comes to remind you of the pain.

Memories of people who didn't care to stay.

The ones who were good, then started to stray


Do you remember the good times we had?

Sometimes I close my eyes, searching for your hand.

I look into the clouds above.

Looking for you, my love.



But I can't find you. I can't see,

the happy memories of you and me.

Waiting here by the door.

Just hoping for something more.

Friends? Family? Love? Something...

Something that I cannot bring.


Watching and waiting for it to show,

the things that I will never know.

Waiting for the door to open up.

Waiting in silence until I blow up.


I'm waiting for something that'll never come.

It hurts knowing. Hurts till' I'm numb.

Maybe it'll show up one fateful day.

Hopefully. I will always pray.


So I'll wait by this door until I'm,

old and gray and out out time.

I did it. I tore it down.

The things I look at and frown.

It wasn't always this way.

I used to love them until that day.


I want to scream, shout and cry.

But I can't and I don't know why.

I feel empty, day by day.

I try to tell but never know what to say.


They'll say I'm pretending, it's not real.

But how do they know how I feel?

So I wear a mask to hide the pain.

If I'm the "real me", what's there to gain?


Sadness, guilt, and disappointment. That's it.

So I'll wear that mask. I can do it.

But I want to help them, people like me.

To help them be who they want to be.


Help them achieve something they dream of.

Help them grow wings and soar above.

I'll help them all. Then maybe I,

could be helped too and bid these thoughts goodbye.