Meg: Favorites

Aug 2016 Meg

Aeerdna

I have thirteen bruises on my right leg
but none of them hurt as the one
you left on the left side of my heart.

there's a photograph on my bedside table
you thought the sun will shine
whenever I'd look at it,
now you have gone,
the sky in the picture has turned to something dark
no room for sun,
and there's dust on the photograph and you
you are just a shadow
on the sidewalk I fall on letting all the rain pour down on my soul,
and the sun is just a memory
and you are just an excuse to turn my smiles into tears
and I am just the dust
falling on your lungs.

and we were just a glimpse of happiness,
an illusion
a dream,
a lie I listen to
before my eyes close,
before the darkness comes in.

Aug 2016 Meg

Small

Aug 2016 Meg

Little Bear

Small

The size of the world
never changes
and yet
there are times
when it feels
so very big,
or maybe
it's just me,
feeling so
incredibly
small,
so
incredibly
small
that i wonder
if I might slip
through the cracks..
and disappear
entirely

#worth

Aug 2016 Meg

One August Eve ........

Aug 2016 Meg

Randolph Llewellyn Wilson

One August Eve ........

At the reluctant transition of the daystar
Where lantern flies tote the account of murk admitting through Oak quarter
The colored palette of Dusk swallowed by the curve of the Earth
Umber tree line , audial aberrations , the fervor of burgeoning , multitudinous songs before ebony companion Venus
Dove coo , Katydid trill , Mosquito hum trios
Bobwhite Quail give thanks to the dying day , as
reverberating odes do carry from blackened palmettos* ...

Aug 2016 Meg

sorry

Aug 2016 Meg

ab

sorry

i'm sorry
what am i sorry for?
only God knows

but i would like to know
why
you can hold a beautiful girl
so lovingly between your fingertips
when but a year ago
it was me

you never loved me
i was there to satisfy your appetite
and now whenever i come over
i panic and cannot breathe,
as if you ****** the air out of my lungs
all those months ago

you held me like you loved me
i loved you
but you just thought we would be friends
with a little extra on the side

or how about the one before that,
never meeting in person
but giving myself away
the first chance i got?

it wasn't until he told my best friend
that landing in the hospital was karma
for me being a stupid *****
and then telling me
i was still on his "bucket list"
that i realized
who he was.

or even before that,
a beautiful boy.
seven months
i mistreated him
i broke him into pieces
which can never be healed
but i still remember how cold i felt
lying there afterwards

and the most recent one
didn't even want to play,
but i somehow won in the end
i wanted to feel loved
but i didn't know how or when
to say no

i'm not saying any of this is the fault
of these people

it's actually all mine

i played to get something i wanted

and i regret it now
and wish i was still clean
like pure snow

and i'm sorry

i'm sorry for playing with fire
i'm sorry for being afraid to say no
i'm sorry for wanting to feel loved
i'm sorry for using my body
to feel something

i still freeze up when i'm scared.

~having a bad night tonight

#self #fear #sad #depression #anxiety #scared #night #me #***

Aug 2016 Meg

it

Aug 2016 Meg

ab

it

it gnaws on my brain rabidly,
with its razor-like teeth

what is it?
i don't know

all i know is that it makes my breath catch in my throat
as if it's being held there by taloned claws,
my heart beating as though it's being used as a drum

and this...this thing
haunts my dreams

it causes nightmares
of losing everyone i love

it also takes my will to live
and smashes it between its palms,
so that my mind is whirling

but is void of the ability or motivation to take action

what is this creature?
how can i defeat it?
surely this is not a part of me

but it seems like
no matter how much ice i press to my skin
no matter how much control i have
no matter what medication i'm on,

it returns

and in returning,

steals my mind

~probably the last one, it's 2am

#self #fear #sad #depression #anxiety #nervous #mental #me #monster #fat