If someone was to tell me that all my previous problems would go away,
Then what is it all for?
Because, the truth is, I don’t want to forget.
I feel as if holding on to the darkness, the deepness,
The sadness, the weakness,
These are the things that lead me,
To what I’ll be and what I am

What if I was to not care?
What if I was to rely on a possible far away death?
What if I didn’t love, I didn’t cry?
I didn’t scream, I didn’t lie?
We are a mix of good and evil,
Not one side is ever enough
Because when the world gets boring,
Or for any good act,
We have to act tough

Trust me when I say,
That I’d spend all the struggles, fear and pain,
Any series of unfortunate happenstances,
Any cracks along the sidewalk,
Every rain, every thunderstorm,
if I knew that someday,
I’d be truly free and happy

If you don’t want it, that’s fine
But I’m not gonna sit and pace backwards and forwards
My mind constantly being in a state of confusion and painful wonder
Just so you can do absolutely nothing

The truth is I simply cannot grasp the concept of you,
What you want, what you like, how you see me
I’ve come back to you again and again
You come and leave out of my life constantly, perhaps like an old song or a hobby

I wish I could remember the start
When we were two innocent kids
That’s how I remember you
Before you came I remember eating chicken nuggets
It was what a believe a warm afternoon
You made casual kid conversation and then we played around at what used to be there but isn’t anymore
You taught me how to make a paper airplane, and honestly sometimes I wish that I could relive that or bring it up again, just to see if it’s embroidered in your memory too. I hope it is

We didn’t meet up a lot and when we did, it was after 3 years.
Conversations flew well but sometimes stood at their tracks, you made me shy and scared
Tried to positively and negatively read into your every look, move, word or mannerism and it all seemed ok
But you still confuse me

Last time I saw you, I was absolutely sure that you hated me
That the short story of us burned out
What used to be there may or may not cease to exist
That my void was again filled by doubt

So, I’m begging you physically, mentally, emotionally, with every fibre of my being
Do something, say something, portray something
I sound ridiculous and overthought, so insane that my words don’t even rhyme
So with you in my illumination, will I ever be fine?

Winter was a cold set deal,
Scared of all changes
When the world around her moved
She was going through the same phases
She feared of love, death and moving
There she wanted to stay
She feared of the past and cool bruisin,
Scared there won’t be a sunny day

What she didn’t realize, was that she herself was dark
Searching for a person she was never going to become
Going in the deep hole, running out of faith in love
Her skin turning pale like a delicate dove

And suddenly, over time
She rose slowly, one millistep at a time
Her leaves started to grow
Ice started melting, her heart and mind were slowly mending
It was time to let her old self go

She let the birds and the flowers in
The ground around her turned green
She searched for love that was ACTUALLY real
She asked herself why, and she let herself cry
The worst is to end where you begin

She created a crown of flowers, one petal for every experience she’s had
She had the words of her old songs,
Written in the palm of her hand
She learned how to find, the beauty in all things
And that’s when Winter realised, and turned into spring

I let him break into my house filled with dirt and with filth
From all the past loves that broke a part of me
He got the glue and got the paint, he made me clean, he made me safe
He filled me with colors and flowers and told me he would stay

He turned me from a house into a home
And kept me where I was meant to be
Cause “home” for him wasn’t a place
“Home” for him was me

And he held me and he kissed me
He took me by surprise
Indescribable feelings with no words, tangled up in his eyes
And I knew his every secret, every smile and every cry
And with him even hell, seemed to be alright

Never thought this day would come too soon
Who knew, that I’d be someday leaving you
With tears in my eyes, I hug you tight enough
I open the present you gave me, with pain in my heart

Every tear is a waterfall,
Everyone asks if I’m ok
My mum tells me I’ll be alright
I just have to wait

I know that the colors won’t be as bright when you’re not around
And the memories of us
In front of me will be found
And I know it will be hard to get over this and start over again
There’s no good in goodbye
I’m still trying to understand

I know we both have some growing up to do,
And in my mind, I would always be there with you
It’s been 2 months, I miss you like crazy
I want you to come, burst through the door and save me

Every tear is a waterfall
Everyone asks if I’m ok
My mum tells me I am alright
But was it really worth the wait?

I’ll miss a lot of things from the other side of the world
Celebrations and birthdays, and I won’t be home
And I hope you won’t forget, the magic that we had
I just wanted to say, you’re my best friend

What I don’t know, is how to unconditionally love,
For a fear that it will never be returned
What I don’t know, is how to really move on
When my heart has been broken again

I don’t know how to stay strong for someone,
When I can’t stay strong for me
I don’t know how to kiss and hug
Because I’ve never gotten the same thing

I don’t know how to love someone, because I still don’t love me
And I can’t always accept people’s flaws
Because I still don’t accept me

I can talk and I can write, but it can never be described
The feeling of love that is always left behind
I can crush, I can adore, but I can never repair
The hurt in my eyes after a broken stare

And the years go by, and my soul turns old
A true love story, is a story not being told
And I grow out of people, like I grow out of clothes
And I change the names of the ones I held close

Because, you see with me it’s like a game
And I can tell you a million stories of boys that left and came
There’s no one waiting for me, so at the end of the day
I pack up my broken pieces, and I make my separate way