See, I told you she has gone,
The friend that you once wore.
The one you loved alone.
Left you on your own.
I told you. She has gone.

has phosphorous
powerful food of the sea
rich in zinc, sea moss

the wind whispers and runs its fingers through her hair
a melody in her ears, the salt in her tears
the darkness in her heart beware

1-4
she sat in boxes
she never smiled

4-7
she talked too much
she spoke too loud
she never stopped moving around

7-10
she was smart
she was kind
she was the only one who held the door open for the teacher as she walked by

10-13
she was sad
she was alone
she listened to music
she stared at the wall

13-15
she was obedient
she was academic
she followed along with everyone else

15-16
she was tired
she was burnt out
she isolated herself
she was still alive

I'm so destructive
I need to break something
I used to break myself

did what I had to do

should've jumped out the window
when I was twelve

what's it good to cry now
crying won't fix anything

You want to leave
let's fight
let's talk
things over

I don't want to play your games no more
I can't get any help
I'm going in circles
someone help

let's fight
talk things over
play nice
start the game
I never win

I don't want to play this game no more
can someone help

can I get any more
lonely

why don't you talk to me

are you always pretending

somebody help me

silk blouses and cotton underwear
the nights merge into a sticky soup that falls into the pocket of a sweater i was wearing when they said that death is permanent
the voice echoing into the receiver of my first cell phone
the wavering tremble of someone in the middle of realms
sleep and consciousness turning the other side of the pillow
wondering if the smoke in my lungs felt comfortable
wonder if the moon sinks lower into your backyard
i was never good at distinguishing shadows and when i found myself on the dark side of the mattress;
my feet cold and feeble i wondered if you could hear my heart a thousand miles away
the fluttering of a drowsy bird, lethargically dragging it's clumsy wings into the plummeting stifle of open air
you said my lips were like the halves of a plum
i bit them until they bled but it was never as sweet
it was never as sweet