I've never hated one as much, as I thought I hated you.
For all that wicked **** you did, and hell you put me through.
I snuck into your room one night, and tried to take your life,
but then I lost my way and then I ******* dropped the knife.

I don't know how I'm feeling now, I don't know what I think.
I want to watch you die here, but instead I'll have a drink.
When my head is filled with fog, maybe I'll try it then?
Or will I lose my nerve, and just **** it up again?

I saw you when you woke up and you looked and smiled at me.
But I still ******* hate you and I want to watch you bleed.

But worst of all, I hate myself because I love you too.
Even after all that hell you ******* put me through.

I'm the little housecat
who hangs out with dogs
plays with frogs
and yarns at the shiny ball

I'm the little girl
who'd rather play football
than volleyball
and would rather not text my crush, but call

I'm the old man
who'd rather go swimming
than watching who's line is it?
or golfing tournaments.

This is why I'm misunderstood by everyone
they see it one-way and I see hundreds
Which way is acceptable?

I'm the little boy
who thought he was into girls, because they called him a man
but grew older to find out
I love other men.

I'm the art student
whom everyone says that should just drop out of school
take a different major, be a boss, make rules.
Then discovers that without art they'd be as lost as the world of fools

It would seem everyone has their own opinion
about what everyone else should be, or what and how everyone should do
However, each choice made.
should be the choices made with you own heart.
So what you want to do.

My husband when i dream. {my year crush}

I can't stop thinking about him
his arms around my shoulders
his voice in my ear
ringing over and over

I cant stop thinking about him
his silly little jokes
the way his glasses sits on his nose
the way he frowns when I decide it's him i want to poke.

I cant stop thinking about him
the way his hair feels
the way his beard feels
the way im head over the hills

I wont stop thinking about him
the way his patience overturns negation
the way he holds my attention
even when my minds' racin'

I wont stop thinking about him
he crosses my mind all the time
taking his time, precious time
to blow kisses and taunt my mind
teasing me because he know he's stuck here
to stop thinking i must do it, so i can keep track of what i need to do here
but alas,
his kisses leaves me breathless
and his embrace leaves me thoughtless
his arms leave me as jello.
A jiggling, giggling girl wanting him to -
never let go.

I only think of you when I want something
and that something is simple, yet it haunts me sometimes
It keeps me up at night.
Barely I sleep as I ride
-it out. Flows through me like a drug
I can never get enough
Addicted to the scent that stirs from within
A special sin.
They have special place in hell for me
A special sin.
I can see my chambers calling me.

The yearning is inhuman and the lust eats me up inside
that's why I text you random things at night.
Hoping it'll subside.
never does. why do i try?
Twist and turning in the sheets trying not to remember the last time
-you put your hand on  my thigh.
Set me off , all the time.

It happens in the earliest hours of the night,
Like a vampire I seek shelter at my home, trying to hide
it's the lust demon, and she's here with her nightly visits
implanting images that drag me to the abyss with a vengeance

There's my body.
moving to it's accord, snaking in the sheets.
twisting and turning with an urgency
There's my fingers slowly co-ercing me
Coaxing me into my toxic temptation of a urgency
darkness being the audience that blankets me
in my fantasy playroom.
Slip the finger to my mouth
to taste the fantasy ***.

Half drunken off the playing of my own drums
Sounding off like a snare-drum
with the side of vocals
it's like a live concert as I hit I higher of notes

La-La- Oh- La
-and that is all that she wrote.

Turning over to my phone
how i want  you to know
I grab it staring at your pictures as I plateau.
From the head to toe-
crescendos.