struggles occur,
often I'll juggle many
in attempt to avoid them
and pretend I'm empty;
nothing can hurt me!
but eventually I mess up
and break the tossing.
One struggle breaks
right after the other,
and in the end
I usually feel much better.

I wonder if you could read

The things I write now,

Would they somehow make you proud?

Or would you just remember

The words of a fifteen year old girl

That didn't even write them,

Just formed to fit her current mood

And have they?

Are your dreams beautiful?

More than you could have ever hoped for?

I hope they are.

Dear Mommy ,

I'm with a sweet guy now mama
he buys me things
takes me out to eat and makes me laugh

but sometimes he yells at me then says sorry
he's verbally abusive but he says he loves me
sometimes he makes fun of my insecurities but then says he's joking

but I love him mama
I don't know what to do

I learned this all from you mama

remember when you use to mentally abuse me then buy me things
remember when you use to make fun of me and said you were just kidding
remember when you use to hit me then said you loved me

I dont know what love is mama
all I know is what you taught me

I give him chances because even though he hurts me
he still loves me
just like you mama you hurt me but I know you love me

right?

The little bit of self worth I had you stripped it away
Little by little until I had nothing left






thats why I dont know who I am anymore

Please don't stop telling me you love me

thats the only thing that keeps me sane
thats the only thing that keeps me moving
thats my oxygen, I need to breathe

those are the words that keep me hoping...