there are still many things i have to do before i can say i'm free.
i have to let go.
let go of the people and moments and memories that keep me awake at night.
they aren't here anymore and i need to realize that.
i also have to forgive,
not only people in my life and past
but myself.
i can't keep beating myself down,
it hurts me and being my biggest bully isn't helping anyone.
i'm ready to love myself and accept my bruised past.
it doesn't hurt most days,
i need to let it heal.
life is different and i won't go back to that dark place when i have a bad day.
the flowers in my yard are growing again and the rain sounds beautiful to me again.
you don't know how long i've fought to be here,
writing and breathing to you.
i will be free.

hearing your voice,
a lump form in my throat and seeing you smile makes the world still.
my heart aches at the realization, once again, that you're in the sky.
my moon,
my stars,
my sun,
my everything,
i hope you're well.

i could scream for hours on end and you still wouldn't look at me.
even in a room full of people, all corners of my heart feel empty.
it's gotten almost impossible to feel your words that have so much into them.
for me,
my heart and my soul and my body is tired of fighting.
there's blisters and bruises that cover my body from fighting demons that will always cling to my arms.
at the bottom of this well,
i can't see the sky that's given me hope.
there seems to be no light left and it's moments like these where i regret staying for this long,
it's moments like these where i'm positive that i shouldn't be here.

i've always wanted to. like ever since i was young. i've loved writing and writing about what i've been through, my opinions on things, my morals, just everything. i've even written short fiction stories, which i have deleted but i still did that. as i've grown and gotten older, i've found a love and passion for writing.

so yes, i want to write a book. i understand that i'm still young but i'm not letting that stop me. it's something i truly want to do. and i've (in my opinion) improved in my poetry compared to when i first started. and idk, it's been a long time since i've had my mind set on something 100% so this feels nice.

maybe i could even pursue in writing/poetry? please, if you want, give me feedback on poetry/writings i've put out so far on here.

thank you for reading my words. i know i only have a few people reading them but i'm very grateful, thank you.

sometimes the sky can seem overwhelming to me.
sometimes looking at it,
this big, great feeling washes over me and makes me feel still.
for this short while i feel my eyes and my mind make me relive everything that's been worrying me.
looking at the color changing sky,
i get the feeling of wanting to cry.
because worry and sadness and misfortune is woven into my existence,
it's a part of me that can't be erased and it's a part of me that no matter how hard i try i attract these negative things.
oh how i envy how i'm here and the sky is up there.
i want to chase it in hopes that one day i'll become a part of it.

i took down the curtains in my room.
looking around,
i felt
different.
today, i laid on my bedroom floor and looked out the window.
i could only see the sky and clouds.
i laid there for what seemed like hours.
you lied when you told me we'd be there together.
tears wet the sides of my face and my hands clutched my tshirt near my stomach knowing i'd be alone again soon.
the clouds i could see were moving,
moving ever so slowly.
soon, all i could see was the blue sky.

today i saw old peers and new peers i would come to spend another year with.
a growing anxiety slowly built up in my stomach as i faced them,
all at once.
soon,
i will be drowned by books and tests and everything in between and outside of that.
there's a voice in my mind that's reminding me how bad i get this time of year,
how i can't see the sky the same and
how i start to feel if there's any difficulty in my way
(which i'm positive there will be).