The heart that's broken
can be mended
but it won't be the same
and can't be perfected-

true love is sacred
it knows no uneven edge
to blemish it is a grievous mistake
making it work again has no cause to celebrate

self-deception gets
stronger, as i get older -
not any better.

I would give him a piece of my mind
Scream
Tell him how every single problem I have is his fault
But even then
He wouldn't get it

He'd say I'm crazy
That I'm young
That my mom got in my head
When she's the one who says not to argue
He doesn't understand that I still have feelings
And opinions
And that they come from me

He sends me a message
I want to respond
"*******"
I even typed it out
But don't send it

He would go insane
And my mom would suffer from that
So I just say
"Okay"

Bite my tongue
Be grateful it's not worse
Take the manipulations
But make sure to record it for later
So I can recognize them

I might love him
To some extent
He is my father after all
But I can't remember a time
When I had liked him
As a parent
Or a person

I don't say any of it

Bonsai Japanese
Tiny small wood shrubbery
Seventeen potted.

Happy mountain high
Thermals eagles flying sky
Glistening blue tarn.

Meadow pipet wing
Rhythm bluebells joyous sing
Deers aloof feasting.

In the sallow sea of sable ink
that breaks upon my splintered prow,
fire beacon’s beam a-lightly winks
and casts gold light upon my brow.

I see a man walk on the swells
and wave to me through sheets of sleet,
his silver voice a tolling bell
that beckons me to take the leap.

His shining rope crests upon the waves
that rend my vessel in tempest flares:
Across black brine the lifeline sways —
My callused hand will take its dare

to grasp the line that more life gives
and feel its pull to once more live.

It comes at the depth of night
this strange echo
in such silence, wordless
its message I hardly know

but a chill runs through my spine
as the night moments gently flow
the moon and stars are watching
in which direction would my love follow?