Below is a comprehensive list
Of the woman I want, but just the gist

Smarter than me isn’t saying much
And not too much, but just a touch

So beautiful that she leaves me defenseless
It’s kind of important to me, I must confess

It would be great if she had a really nice job
So she doesn’t pick a bank for me to rob

Oh and of course I want her to be very funny
I’d even be okay if she was just super punny

She needs to care about me and my interests
Which are not all that numerous, I like my rest

The last thing is she needs to be my best friend
I want the type of relationship that never ends

It was then I knew it was over
When you didn’t care about me
What we had run its course
And I found myself alone again

Look for the one that won’t let go
Parade of those who never ask
Because I’m just too much to carry
Figure it out myself, alone again

I’ll be pathetic until the very end
Hoping you’ll chase me like I, you
Pretend it’s not too late for us
Alone again with my thoughts

It never works no matter what I want
My heart will beat faster and faster
As I watch you turn your back on me
I’ll find myself alone again to break

Pick myself and dust myself off
I’ve done it all before and will again
Look for the one who won’t run
Then maybe I won’t be alone again

It was a no-lose kind of night
Until I put an L in the win column
Life is a never-ending equation
When you are the unsolvable problem

My armor shines in the midday sun
As I stroll along these ramparts
Walled out from the treasure within
But my message is easy to impart

I know the devastation wrought
Evidence of failure scattered about
A lesser would quit the fight
But unending patience I can tout

The queen watches from her tower
Secure behind her stone parapets
She sees me on my constitutional
She knows I am promise and threat

I serve at her majesty’s pleasure
Even while I disobey my liege
For I will not storm this Gothic castle
But I shall never lift this siege

It was much lower

You are my new baseline

I will never go back

I was broken when you found me
A lost ship with a shattered keel
You showed up late to our first date
I didn’t know just how I would feel

You know how long it’s taken me
To put what we have into verse
I hate love poems and cliches
When I can just plainly converse

There is something messing me up
Something I'm willing to confess
Loving you scares me to death
Because it’s so easy, I guess

Turning the sky to a wave of ink
Consuming all in my path
Engulfing that which I love
Devastation when I depart
Force of nature undefeated
The Black Hurricane of me

Prided himself on invulnerability

An impervious monolith  

Covered with impenetrable armor

Until the strike, clash, clang

Brought down low to a knee

Bloodied, blinded, wounded

Armor shattered, divided

Fully exposed to the blows

Stronger somehow, someway

Resolve is his new defense

There are two ways to believe
I can listen to your words
Or what you really mean
Either way I'm downright ******

Tonight I danced with Cathrine the Great
Swaying slowly as I shift my weight

A childhood dream come true in my arms
And I defenseless against her charms

I stare at her in the candlelight
Her green eyes glowing perfectly bright

Her majesty brings me to my knees
I breathe deeply to hide my unease

I beg for this waltz to never end
Or my heart will break and never mend

Tonight I danced with Cathrine the Great
Tomorrow alone, left to my fate

Everything came effortlessly
As we talked and walked endlessly
Two people alone in a crowd
Your laugh so boisterous and loud

Climbing on a forgotten train
And getting caught in the rain
I don’t know how it all ends
But I know we aren’t just friends

It was such a strange thing as a young boy
To make your way with an eye to the future
To think about adulthood with the eyes of a child
And to set a path without knowing the cost

And the way life makes these choices more stark
Like when you bury your father as a teenager
Decide to put on a uniform before you can drink
Sent to war before you know yourself truly

You suffer through a limbo of loneliness and haze
Numb your pain with the medicine they give you
Promise that you are okay and couldn’t be better
Just in the process of healing but falling deeper

Pick yourself up and brush yourself off
Start a new life in the family you always knew
Pretend you have it all figured out now
And start that family you wanted from day one

Plunge into something you swore was right
Take your vow and shut your mouth
Turn off the voice that says it’s not
Enter into a state of stasis devoid of passion

From your greatest mistake your greatest gift
A little girl who is too much all her own
But not free of the mistakes you already made
Now sentenced to a life you never wanted for her

The death of a love you swore to uphold
Ripped from your fingers and no chance to hold
The betrayal from the one you didn’t trust fully
Setting you on a road all your own again

Took 37 years to find the one you thought
Now dust yourself and start all over
Add another perfect soul to the ledger
Because it’s all a waste if she’s not loved

I’ve said all I need to say
To tell you how I feel
What the path ahead is
Where you fit in it
Or how to walk away
Crystal clear vision
Of ups, downs, sorrows
And unmatched highs
Stay with me tonight
Or leave in the dark
But no more talking
It’s time for clarity

Path I didn’t choose or want

Addition of another love

Means division of a single heart

Unsustainable and unhealthy

Subtraction is a cold calculus

Breaking just after I had my last break
Taking the chance I was too afraid to take

Embracing another by accepting her embrace
Racing to her arms after refusing the race

Thawing my heart when I doubted the thaw
Dawning on me that I found my new dawn

I don’t decide on your beauty day to day

It’s a static viewpoint I won’t redecide



Regardless of the excuses you have:

Too much makeup!

Too little makeup!

Wait! I blinked!

Wrong angle, I have two chins!

Are my ears sticking out?

All of my hair is out of place!

Don’t get my profile, my nose has a bump!

I thought you aren’t supposed to get red eye anymore?

I look so tired today.

This shirt is doing me no favors.

Is one eye larger than the other?

For the love of God who has a comb?

Is that a gray hair?!

Is that a goat in the background?

That’s a zit. It’s a zit isn’t it?

I just don’t take good pictures. Ask anyone.



Keep adding to the list, doesn’t matter

You’re beautiful to me in any light



Wait, I just sent you a picture

Are you doing the same to me?!

It occurred to me
Am I evil or just fun?
Then the cops showed

Hushed whispers carry your demands
A litany of games needing enumeration
I take your direction of my next actions
Prepare to place you under my power

Tie them tighter to ensure compliance
The lack of control is the best part it seems
Hands and feet immobile and trembling
Your fiery eyes extinguished by blindfold

You convulse as I grasp and grip you
My fingers reach your neck and I squeeze
Breathing is shallow but deep in your chest
Harder, you say, but don’t leave a mark

I see them too when I close my eyes
I hear the sounds like yesterday
There is so much a mind can retain
Especially when you don’t want it to
Flashes of horror then shudders, shivers
Guilt is a terrible burden to carry
When you never deserved to own it
Demons find you in the dark
And keep you from seeing a way out
You see a permanent solution
To your very permanent problem
But there is still light in the tunnel
Hope is never truly far behind
Look to those holding out their hands
Don’t you leave me here like this

I hope the *******
Was worth losing a great wife
You douchenozzle

A vision of the sand and waves endlessly
Unending sky and sundown magenta

The slow rock of the chair and me in the breeze
A glance to my right and vacant stare to infinity

My mistake left me here to contemplate fate
Of a solitary life without the love of another

I yearn for one who can see through my scarred form
Unconditionally accept the soul which rests inside

Will you stay here and be all I ever needed?
Will you fill this empty chair here, love?

Coiled and never broken
Two hearts woven to one form
He said to her as she teared
“We can’t weather the storm”

Their souls were tangled close
She knew him for the better
“We’re miserable apart always
I am your love, not fetter”

She continued to plead to him
Her voice continuing to travel
“You and I are united, my love
Our love never to be unraveled”

He prayed, angels of better nature
For the wisdom of heaven above
“What of the days I disappoint you
When I am not a man to be proud of?”

“Those times they will come and go
You will still find me at your side
We will carry our weight together
I’ll still look on you with pride”

“I believe it may be a grand disaster
Two fools facing the world peerless”
“When two are entwined as us
We face the world truly fearless”

The feeling only comes
When the night advances
When the light extinguishes
When my mind weakens
When actions don’t matter
When the whispers start
When I want to break
When I want the light to flash
I need to remember
Place it where it belongs
Give it to those worthy
Keep the faith
And fear no more

Did you want me to fall flat on my face?

I know why you look at me wearily

You want to know where the catch is



I saw you watching me and that little smirk

I know awkwardness is a defense

And it’s not hot in here, that’s just us



Pay attention and you don’t need directions

Those weak knees ain’t from the hiking

Prepping for the night is obsolete, dear



It’s a beautiful thing when it all aligns

When someone fits your contours just right

And now my bed feels too **** big

You’re the one who keeps me grounded
Reminds me what life is about

The one thing I did absolutely right
The scariest thing I’ve ever done, I’m reminded

When I sneak into your room every night
For one more kiss on your forehead

I’ll never be as good as I want to be
I wish I could learn your mistakes for you

I’ll forever try to be everything you need
I’ll forever try to make it up to you

You are my past and my never again
You left me but I left you faster
And I know I won’t ever look back
But why can’t I move forward
I want to feel my heart pounding
When she finally says I love you
When I can tell her I’m ready for her
When the ghosts are gone
And all that’s left is to fall
Into her arms and never to leave
God, I hate me so much right now

Hello old friend

It's good to see you

What’s it, 20 years?

I’ve been up and down

People come and gone

Graduated college

Went to war

Fell in love

Fell out of it

Met a girl

Got married

Bought a house

Had a baby

Got some PTSD

Marriage ended

Sold the house

Started all over

Not surviving

I am thriving

How are you?

You can’t see fetid decay
Evidence of damnation
Until you step back and see
Need for rejuvenation

The spell finally broken
I can’t see all that I did
The fog cleared from my eyes
Love turned from fresh to rancid

I need to move on from here
Find the space to find myself
A new home to call my own
A better place for my health

My refuge in coming storm
My beacon in darkest night
My solace in crushing loss
My support in life’s fight

You were important to me
Before I reached coming dawn
Some things seem to disappear
They are never fully gone

Falling up and falling down
Whiplash hurts the same
You weren’t an option
Until you made yourself one

Whirlwind of emotions
New replacing the old
I carried you with me
I can’t carry you anymore

When I’m wide open to you
And you keep hiding from me
I can’t help your reflection
Because I don’t see the same

I’ll never understand your silence
Why suffer so much all alone
When I am screaming, begging
I’ll be whatever you need

I give up, you can go now
Find the one you can open up to
Because I wasn’t enough
But not for lack of trying

Why can’t you just leave well enough alone for once?
You don’t need to say every **** thing living in your head
Do you think it makes you some sort of savant?
Because maybe you should just keep it to yourself now and again
Would it **** you to give everyone in your life a break?
Keep a stiff upper lip instead of being a raw, exposed nerve
Could we maybe spare the world your feelings?
Sooner or later people just won’t want to listen anymore

Who the hell ever thought I’d see the apex
Looking back on the detritus of a climb

Surveying the summit of my ascension
I let myself feel just a ripple of pride

It took way more crutches, crawling, and clutching
Than I imagined at my journey's nadir

I feel the clean air for a moment longer
I guess it’s time to go find my new mountain

The first part is the best part
The excitement of control
Conjuring art from nothing
Digging into a damaged soul

Then the fear sets itself deep
Talentless and lack of insight
Going to the same stupid well
My weakness exposed to the light

I bought Poetry for Dummies
I’m no poet, and I know it
But I step up once again
I hit submit and I show it

I hold my breath as it posts
I pray for the views and the likes
My “gift” to Hello Poetry
Desperate to avoid dislikes

I don’t want forced pity
Candid confession from a man
Hiding behind pseudonym
Who hopes you can just understand

In my defense, I swear
It wasn’t my idea
She said she was lonely
Needed a friendly ear

I thought we were friends
Turns out more than that
She asked to undress
I’m on the phone, who cares

I kept my pants on, mostly
And didn’t talk much
I really didn’t need to
She had her own fun

Then you and I dated
I never expected it
She gives me weird looks
I think she remembers it

I’ve always preferred dark, rainy days
Like God is telling you to stay inside
Hold onto your loved one and stay dry
Enjoy the feeling of soft imprisonment

I can never forget the days in the pour
Unable to dodge the globs of cold water
The torrent making warmth impossible
The cozy light of home so far distant

I remember those days in my distant past
They remind me to hold everyone close
Appreciate that I can still breathe their air
And watch the rain harmlessly on windows

And the acrid breeze will burn our eyes

The conflagration may scorch



We want the warmth to keep us safe

Show us what we never had



Obscured in the gray, dark mist

I see you clearly in the glow



You keep talking about the smoke

But all I see is the fire

I am blind and cannot see
But my heart knows the way
The path is clear but treacherous
But I know nothing worth having is easily had
Is this the climb before my fall?
From here, I can’t see the end
I will not yield to my fears
They are based on my past, not my future
An unwritten future, a black monolith
But my fear is paired with freedom
As I write the next pages
I ascend to my waiting fate
With the wing at my back
And courage in my heart
I embrace what could tear me asunder
And take in the view as I climb
Catch me if I stumble, my love
I grow stronger with each uneven step
I learn from each wrong turn
And now I see the summit
To which I must walk alone
I carry your heart in my heart
But each step is my own
It is time to find your apex
Apart from my obsession
While it doesn’t look as I imagined
The view from here is life changing
These images I will take my me
On my new journey
My hard-won perspective with me always

You don’t get to choose the person, place, or time
Life would have been much easier if I chose you too
You did your part but it just couldn’t work that way
You wished to wear my ring but it wasn’t yours to take

Get the hell away from me and leave me to my devices
Hearts can’t heal when the scabs keep getting exposed
As long as I am here you will never close your open wound
I wish I loved you the way you wanted, but I never will

Mirror wounds only show we braved the same knives
Your run for safety only leads to a solitary false harbor
Keeping you in place as I lament from behind my line
My failed battles have been with demons like yours
That will keep you in place to strengthen your weakness
There is no perfect world where these wounds won’t reopen
But the blessings can outweigh any tragedy if you let them be
There is no amount of days which will let me stop wishing
For those days marching in a row creating our own music
This imperfect world will try to cleave us repeatedly in two
Yet cupid’s arrow has kept together those without light and heat
Your feelings of failure are the result of what is now missing
As your soul yearns to restore the completion we both once had
It’s more than just our share of scars which line up perfectly
Broken bones can heal repeatedly but hearts stay that way
What will you do about the blessings you already had?

Here we are so deep in something we didn’t mean to

Two wounded souls with ghosts in an unfamiliar town



You slowly opened your gates to reveal yourself to me

The time with you was no longer nearly enough to satisfy



I was a fool pretending to be a poet slinging passion

Daring the flames to quench this growing enthusiasm



You were a skeptic looking a reason to explain this away

And found out our contours fit together like a puzzle



I, riddled with clichés and begging to be taken seriously

Finding an Eshton twin while trying to just start over



You dared me not to see a woman begging to be written for

Your half phrases, your intense stares, and confident walk



I found a muse and saw much more than you bargained for

A weird woman who intrigued me with every little nuance



You believed no subject too taboo to tackle together  

Multiple choice exams never were as easy as yours



I realized my defenses had been stolen from under me

The siege general suddenly realizing he is besieged



You were a treasure both all mine and not at all

Though I am a man who tilts at windmills on a calm day



I’m drained trying to put a beautiful secret into verse

I’d rather focus on holding you in the glow of the fire



You reset me in ways I never could imagine or believe  

And now I can’t imagine becoming who I was before



I realize you will still have you’re your insecurities

But you are more than enough even at your worst



These are the last words and hope they are all you need

Know now that I am yours, all yours, and only yours

Friends just keep saying
It’s good to have you back
Thanks, good to be back