Blackest night in a stormy sea
I cannot keep my feet
The tempest has overwhelmed
And I am so lost, adrift

The cold rain grips me like a vise
The ocean will take me
The end is nigh, a certainty now
Say my own last rites

Blinded by snow and ice, breathless
Hurricane unrelenting
And my faith has failed me finally
Then your light, your light

Guide me, shelter me with your beam
Bring me home, my sentinel
Your lone ray is my hope renewed
My last salvation from ruin

I had hoped to bring you a keeper
The cyclone led me astray
I will be your guardian one day soon
But today you are my beacon

The sum of all the parts is clear
Life has kicked me down the stairs
To begin for the bottom once more
Reminding me how unlucky I am

I survey the damage as I stand
No broken bones, only bruised pride
My mind is still clear like the morning
My stubbornness fully intact

I will take these little victories
To rebuild my life once again
I will scratch and claw forward
Toward a future better than today

I wanted to write a poem about love
But it never seems to come out right
It is a contradiction within the same breath
It makes someone the hero and the villain
It renews your faith in God and the Devil
It is a cancerous growth eating you alive
It is the faith that keeps you from losing hope
Its warmth feels like the sun was made for you
Its shadow leaves you feeling absolute zero
Love leaves its speaker endlessly loquacious
It leaves you mute when it falls apart at your feet
It is the destroyer of countless worlds and minds
It is the savior of uncountable hearts and souls
Love has temporary permanence to its holders
I was blindsided when love was born before me
I was dumbfounded when it died just as cruelly
I yearn to never be caught in its clutches again
While I pray for it to fall back into my life
Because it only needs to be perfect once

A storm like this
We never saw coming
Cold November
Icy winds so numbing

Blinded by white
Hurricane of white sheen
I cannot see
Ship is starting to lean

Erie has roared
Inland sea upheaval
I fear sinking
Nothing for retrieval

But we can’t leave
Our light may save others
Our duty clear
As the vessel shudders

My hurried words
Are probably my last
Goodbye, Nellie
Ship is breaking up fast

Every withheld thought an abstraction  

Every long look a manna

Every bated breath an approval

Every ***** note a nuance

Every slow walk a distraction

Everything about you an allure

I sometimes feel like the sight
That causes sore eyes
A storyteller with a sad ending
Who makes your ears bleed

You know I fell for someone
Who didn’t fall back
A deep bruise black and blue
Like the one you left

The truth is I am pretty happy
But still bent, not broken
The eternal optimist in the market
For a new muse to amplify me

Are you the one who makes it click
A camera on the perfect shot
Adding symmetry to my rough edges
Left wanting nothing more

My poems are my way of hiding from you
Awful alliteration masks pain
If I can shroud my sadness over you
I don’t admit what still remains

I’m hoping to reach you in my words
Somehow reigniting light and heat
Foolish minstrel desperate to believe
That it matters if I am replete

You lied when you said you don’t love me
Because God cannot be this callous
To show me what a complete soul feels like
Then to tear it away with malice

Since our last night together I’m split
Between happy and falling apart
These syllables are my committed attempt
To rebuild your kingdom in my heart

Still I scribble in the gift you gave me
Remembering us warmly entwined
When two damaged spirits at last content
Waiting on impending doom, resigned

If you never read these pathetic lines
Then I sing to myself in regret
If you are reading with misty eyes
Then you know it’s not over yet

Final confession which will not surprise
My love for you proving unending
Whenever you see me recovering
Know I will always be pretending

Take the bet you said
There’s no way we can lose
Naked in a snowstorm

The way you looked across the bar
You must be a professional
Before this night is over
I’ll need the nearest confessional

The way you drive me crazy
It’s like a new kind of sin
The room is hotter than hell
So is your devilish skin

Call me a priest, call me a cop
Stuff like this ain’t legal
Get my keys out for the door
This night won’t be venial

Bouncing off the walls
Sweat pouring from our pores
The next question is
Who ends up on all fours?

She started this fire a night over drinks setting the kindling alight

We became a secret that night I’m not sure I ever want to share

Something about the brazen mystery of longing eye contact

Or the smiles we pretend are for others when we both know better



She can make distances of miles seem like feet and my feet like miles

She makes me feel transparent with the deep green of her eyes

An equal who can bring me to my knees and make me grateful to be there

And who knows I see her even when she’s trying to hide from my sight



Draped across the scene of my heartbreak and make it a masterpiece

She keeps robbing of my sleep with searing late-night conversations

Or when she stays, and I can’t stand to sleep through those moments

She will try to hide in the morning even though I’ve never seen such beauty



And I move through this life searching for painkillers with different names  

To try and pretend I’m pending when I’ve never been more certain

She worries she can’t give me what I need when she’s all I ever wanted

Disease of the body or mind can’t dim the light or the heat between us



I know what she wanted me to say last night with her soul open

But the coward in me never wants to feel an island in a tempest

My head will never understand what my heart keeps telling me

Because I’m desperate for her to know I need her now and I want more



Future or past tense, I don’t want the present to ever stop

Denied, live another day

Dark will not see the light

Cold corners of the soul

Crushing truth to its end

Growing in its isolation

Gnawing at the heart

Wreckage left behind

Wringing out the life

Solitude is its promise

Seclusion its covenant

Alone in this world

Avoiding crippling pain

All you can give

All you can bear

I can want it

I can take it

Running from me

Running from you

Only if you dare

Only if you want to

More light

More heat

More you

Just another check-in to see how things are
Are you still playing your greatest hits?
Avoiding the mirror again so you don’t see
You found another way to be your worst self

The phone is your only companion and enemy
Giving you the outlet for another devil moment
When you reach out to a supposed lifesaver
That you will inevitably try to drown with you

Round and round goes your never-ending circus
And here I am guardian angel to a clown car
Will you ever take stock of the rubble left behind?
Or do you find solace in the destruction?

Pulling at the strings of my soul
Tearing the tendons holding me together
Snapping the bones of my frame
Destroying all that makes me

Please stop the churn of my chest
The turmoil and spin of my viscera
Stealing my love and my laugh
Demeaning the light I can emit

Prescient that I never **** you
Time after time I will fight
Savor a daily victory or loss
Don’t think you will ever beat me

Vague vision of a room free of distraction
Cuddled close tightly in each other’s arms
This heavenly dream of you beside me
Perfect nightmare when I wake alone

My navigator in the darkest of oceans
My immovable shield amid the onslaught
My opposite pole keeping me centered
My constant in this chaotic world of mine
My cure to parallax when I lose perspective
My azimuth to bring me back to the right path
My true north to bring me home to you
My North Star, My Polaris

Darkness crept on me as she walked away
Enclosing on my sense of self preservation

And I rage against the dying of her light
Blinding me as I stare at her horizon

You can’t save someone unwilling to try
I accepted my fate as her shadow retreated

Now I do my own reckoning of what life is
When you refuse to close a broken door

I am chivalrous fool playing to an audience
Who already said she stopped listening

You tried to break me in two
You were all rain and no sun
You robbed my light away
You reduced me to tears
You showed me my depths

I am not broken and you’re gone
I will make my own weather
I will find radiance in the new
I will celebrate triumphs daily
I am indestructible and not alone

It was a cliché, smokey country bar
When she crooned into my memory
As I heard a hint of her old accent
From a bygone Virginia residence
Faint and fading but not all gone
In the minstrel’s spell she cast in her song

Life put her on that stage for me
And I begged for her gaze to be on me
To end the long, cold, lonely nights
And as Etta said, at last, this night
She caught my unceasing, tense stare
And right then, she sang only to me

My worn, weathered armor is spattered with mud and blood
From a brutal and deadly siege which seems never-ending
The lone queen stares down from her perch with her glacial glare
Concealing from the world a broken heart needing mending

I know she can’t look in the mirror and see the truth
She is her own jailer, prisoner of her own design
The keys in the door of her cold solitary cell
Evidence of me decorating her suffering shrine

From her perch upon the ramparts I reveal to her
The scars I’ve acquired in war to my very heart and soul
They line up so perfectly to the wounds she obscures
She doesn’t realize they are a map to who makes us whole

My vow was to never storm this castle she adorns
Believing a perfect world may exist, I tempt the fates
Unleash the slings and sharp arrows, pain and broken bones
The line has been crossed, it’s time for her to open the gates

I am just another weary, stymied Sisyphus
Slowly climbing the eternal hill of existence
Finding no rest or crest of contentment
Only the familiar face of failed endeavors

I am so sick of unrewarded undertakings
Give all of yourself to meet stolid silence
Before the boundless boulder recedes again
Dead on my feet, I retreat to the doldrums

You added another item to your list
Of things to hold back the voices
Something to occupy your mind
While you drown out nasty noises

It’s sporting to watch in a sick way
Like waiting for a dam to burst
Will you take up quidditch next or
Reach for a bottle to slake your thirst

I’m sorry but your battle is being lost
And I have a nasty habit of truth telling
One day you’ll run out of hobbies
Because your mind won’t quit rebelling

I am not sad, love

Something’s missing, you

Come back home to me

Today you’re just across the street
A few steps closer and I’m right there
Staring at your bright eyes for answers
Hoping you betray what I want from this

Today will not be that desperate day
No, now is the day I stand my ground
You will stay in your world and I mine
Our paths have diverged by choice

Today my love is for those who want me
The ones who want to put in the effort
My pride won and self-destruction lost
Keeping me from a desperate walk

When you awaken
In the middle of the night
Did you think of me

The swirl has begun again
The impending cyclone returns
And I am overwhelmed once more
A violent disturbance breaks me

It will follow its well-worn path
Through my mind and weary soul
Nothing shown mercy or quarter
Weak as the terror tears through

And I look to you my only one
As I lay my pained head on your lap
I will not surrender to the storm
But I will surrender myself to you

I bathed in its light as it hung in the sky
Soaked in every ray to make my soul brighten
Pretended the fading was temporary
Before facing the death on the horizon

I never thought I’d see the light disappear
I also never thought I’d wish it away
But I believe before a new day can start
The old one needs to end after its decay

They say it’s always darkest before the dawn
Another tiring aphorism I despise
It’s always darkest after the sun goes down
When you are furthest from the brand new sunrise

Smoldering looks in crowded rooms

Irish goodbyes and rushed plans

Come and get me, don’t make me wait

Skip the hellos and get to the rush

Strewn all over the floor in piles

Stop my breath, bring me to my knees

Your body hovering above me

Make me fall apart, surrender

Lucky me, hold me down with them

Let’s make it all to happen tonight

Make me yours, take me over

I want to make this kind but firm
I don’t hate you whatsoever
But don’t mistake my intention
My heart is closed to you forever

It’s not all your fault why it’s gone
You pushed and I dealt a final shove
I’ve learned lessons to take with me
Now live in the shadow of my love

I know I will still find my happy ending
My other half to walk beside me
To fill the empty chair you left behind
The best friend you could never be

My last words on this are thank you
For freeing me from my cold prison
To find the one who makes me better
My soul is born again, it is risen

Every two weeks I take a trip
Always ending in the big dig
I open my soul to a stranger

Tell her your innermost feelings
Who you love and hate in this world
Open another vein and pour it out

Keep my wounds open to air
Prying apart the fiber of myself
Do no harm after doing harm

Take a deep breath and exhale
It’s all out there for exhibition
And a return trip in two weeks

Long car ride crushed in the back middle seat
Beach Boys’ Pet Sounds playing on the radio
Sea air letting us know we were getting closer
Sand slowly replacing the grass along the highway
The excitement of reaching dangerous Suicide Alley
And turning up Sloop John B when it finally comes on
I remember it all so clearly as if this morning
A happy family on their yearly odyssey to the beach
Growing boys unknowing the trials that lay ahead
That these innocent times could never truly last
Take me to Nauset, my favorite lighthouse
And live through paintings that will never be added to
As each summer slowly trickles the souls in the car
Dwindling and diminishing to an inevitable end
And then renewed as a new core grows
As I introduce new lives to the majestic Highland
And round the large hook passed by Pilgrims
Brave the breaks, cracks, and scars of a full life
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off one more time
Make the trek you know like the back of your hand
One less in the car, one more to come someday

I take another tenuous step,
Up this monolithic mountain,
The cyclone comes and goes,
My progress imperceptible,

My vision is badly blurred,
Each ridge an indefinite test,
The peak is a mocking mirage,
I am unequal to my challenge,

Clouds ease to an infinite sky,
Reminder to my weary mind,
Don’t just rush to the summit,
Enjoy the precarious climb.

They never saw someone like you
The waitress with the auburn hair
Floating from patron to patron
Green dress waving, smiles to spare

I knew I needed to make you mine
And third time’s the charm they say
I would **** just to be with you
Love for you never to decay

I made mistakes along the way
I just wish you had listened more
Awash under a crescent moon
I left you to come back ashore

My monumental masterpiece
Permanent porcelain skin tight
No one can love you like I did
I made sure of that our last night

It’s rolling in
On the horizon
Calling my name
Challenging me

I will face it
I am unconquerable
I am undefeated
I am unbroken

It’s a new storm
It will not cower me
I will stand tall
And see the sun again

On a journey which may never end
Searching for something already found
They beg him to end his exodus
To admit defeat to his crucible
Steadfast, undaunted he carries on
Trudging through his own wasteland
Rainless night as lightning streaks the sky

Another storm, another shelter
Another mountain, another climb
Another valley, another descent
Another sea, another sail

He perseveres beyond all good reason
Encouraged by a mere drop of the rain
Or the slight hint of the sun deep in the sky
He chases the horizon which never stops
Champion of a solitary war he alone wages
King of a hopeless cause he only understands
Cursed by the hope he is not forever ******

Your little lies and half-hearted honesty
Make up your maudlin mask of melancholy

Cloistered in your castle by the roaring river
Isolated cries give life to your tranquil torment

The world will see you as a quixotic queen
Unburdened seemingly to the unknowing masses

A beautiful break or valiant victory
Lay in your future of exhausting effort

Project your perfect stillness towards me
I’m a fool for you but you don’t fool me

It’s really strange to pay you
To find out who I am in this head
Maybe I should just talk to a mirror
It would at least be cheaper

I came in to talk about suicide
And now we are all over the place
Now I have PTSD and a divorce
But at least I know why I’m crazy

What do you mean I’m not ready
To run out and find another wife?
I don’t see how too few months
Means I’m too messed up to love

Actually, you are probably right
I probably just need to find a lay
Be honest and forthright about me
But get the hell out of there after

Thanks for the session
It was certainly enlightening
I’m no less crazy then before
But now at least I know it

Welcome to our session dear reader
Your participation makes you my therapist
I will regale you with the tale of a silly man
Who fell in love and now can’t get out

Why have I chosen you to unleash this?
Because everyone else is sick of hearing it
I’ve exhausted all personal means
Of excising burdensome love unrequited

Your credentials are the least of my worries
The love of my life proves challenging
She is an amazing, beautiful, intelligent
Aggravating, over-analyzing, angel of a liar

You are right, those are not all positive attributes
But I learned a thing about loving someone
You focus on the positives and hold on
While accepting the flaws that make her, her

Why am I bothering you if I am so in love?
You see, I am hers but she is not mine
My only claim is making her smile
Which I know were both real and rare

Your professional opinion is to walk away
Alas, that is not remotely possible
I have basked in her glow too long
That I can’t even leave her shadow

What do I want from you and your time?
Just a friendly ear to bend now and again
With this sad story of woe and love
Same time next week will do just fine

She had to say it plainly and direct

This is real, you’re not imagining

We fit as well as you think we do

We’re opposites that can’t help it

Attraction without caring about poles



I needed to hear it so badly from her

This is real, you’re not imagining

This whole thing is crazy, irresponsible

Yet somehow it works day after day

And I don’t seem to see an end in sight  



I needed to tell myself the same thing

This is real, you’re not imagining

Open yourself up to the joy and pain

You may try to run but it catches up

Face the facts, this is for real this time

Sincerely thanks
For everything
This optimal
Version of me
Is possible
Because of you

That being said
Sadly things die
Others are born
Now I can say
The queen is dead
Long live the queen

My words have failed me again
Staring at the blinking line
Shaking my head back and forth
Hoping to find text goldmine

I have felt this way before
Set myself up for freefall
Overthink my every move
Whether I should type or call

Hit send and hope it turns out
It won’t be great, this I know
You’re right, that’s not what I meant
It was just a true typo

Oh my God I did it again
It was the whiskey or ***
She gave a sideways glance
And I looked at her ***

It all gets a fuzzy from there
Something about her school
Paying off her numerous loans
And then me playing the fool

We went back to my place
Apparently, I think anyway
That’s where I woke up
Alone, as she didn’t overstay

Serves a stupid drunk guy right
Waking up without any garment
She took more than my dignity
Like everything in the apartment