louella

louella Mar 2022

oh, dear. i’ll see you when the sun rises in the east, we’ll meet again

i saw the last ray of sunlight hit his back
as if pleading for him not to go
but if you truly, fully, and wholeheartedly love someone
let them walk away freely
just watch them turn back and wave
goodbye is better than no answer
we’ll meet again someday

stop- i’m soft

3-16-22

#love #hope #comfort #peace #leaving #loving #losing #meetagain #seeyousoon

louella Mar 2022

tragedy

i find it odd how the most well known love story is a tragedy
i wonder why i ever thought it could work for me

thx Shakespeare
3/13/22

louella Mar 2022

stars

i looked up at the depressed sky
and i saw her children
the stars
they cried with her
and they sparkled as they did
gently
i watched in silence
i felt at home
even as a tiny being
on a tiny planet
in a massive universe
and when i sit in my room
in the dead still night
alone and empty
i look out of my window
at the glowing sky
the stars are crying tears for me
i guess i am not as lonely
as i thought i was

basic title but ***** it.

sooo i think we can all agree that the sky gives us comfort. we can recognize how small we are in this humongous universe. such a hauntingly beautiful perspective. such a humbling moment. anyway, hope you enjoyed :D

louella Mar 2022

the kids my age

they are all in love
they have all been touched
but i stand here alone, with my soaking wet socks
unlovable, unloved

come on, i am fifteen
i should have had a boyfriend by now
but no, i am alone
and i am sick of wanting happiness for myself
in a teenage boy who would probably want something more out of me

i am not like the kids my age
they can turn their shoulder and be kissed
i haven’t even experienced that sensation yet
i haven’t even had a boyfriend

again, another hopeless romantic hopeless yet hopeful “poem”

3/13/22

louella Mar 2022

reverie

sometimes i write to no one
nobody is filling the void deep in my soul
so i make up fantasy men to take up the space
to fill in the cracks with their vibrant smiles
cheekbones accentuated
i instruct these prosthetics to heat my freezing
cold heart
stuck in a plain old reverie with kisses and children dancing in a ballroom
these fake and imagined life forms leave behind a vestige of fantastical beauties
these creations are flowing like water in secret caverns
dancing around my empty body
healing my blemishes but they still return to the creations’ surprise
they lift my limp limbs and lower me over the ancient greek pond
letting me drink the rich and luscious stream
filling my body with water, weighing me down
more mass and a bigger center of gravity
btw i am almost dead by the time they finish these rituals
these fantasy men care for me day in and day out, but they are sculpted from my mind
not real, this is not reality
they make me feel “happier” and “fuller” in my eyes but i know this is all a façade
naked and no one shall know
that the girl who waits here for fantastical sculptures to touch her and clothe her is a deep and dark disappointment
some say, “what an ingrate.”
some don’t even bother to care
nobody truly cares
and i figured this out many months ago
i am finally letting go
and as i turn to these creations i have created inside of my head
they blow and dissolve into the wind
therefore i have virtually no one
so i weep into my pruny hands
then draw the conclusion that i will never be loved
at least i know one thing for certain :/

i want to fall in love. i really just want someone to be my other half. i want to be tied at the hip to someone. chasing rainbows and happiness and fulfilling memories. someone to share moments with and laugh at our own displeasure. i wanna ache for somebody other than me. i want someone’s compelling fire to burn every inch of my skin. ****** but on fire and engulfed in the flames. let me be with someone. let me heal with someone. let me hold someone. it hurts too much to be alone.

and i wanna stop making up fantasies inside of my delusional mind. i wanna start living and loving in real time.

3/12/22

#love #fake #delusions #creations #madeup #mind

louella Mar 2022

what a sad life being something so wonderful that people can’t even look at

how sad the sun must be
he is beautiful and warm
a paradise in the sky
but people can’t look him head on
the sun blinds them
now, may i ask
what’s the purpose for the brightest light in the sky
if no one seems to look up?

sometimes i feel bad for him
3/8/22

#life #sad #sun #unfair #hid

louella Mar 2022

past

today i pondered and wondered if i had actually liked my old school
and right now i don’t wholeheartedly know
the same kids around me
the same stimulants every day
those people were my family
but maybe distant relatives
those people were my rocks
but maybe they couldn’t skip
or maybe i didn’t even try
it felt like heaven compared to this pit of lions
it felt like floating compared to now dying
it hurts
that it might not have worked out the way i
remembered that it had
maybe i was fed poison and forced to cough it back up
throw up into the hands of a burly man
who ate it and finished every last drop of it
maybe at the end of the day
i just feel lost
and i don’t belong
and i absolutely positively hate it
with all of my numb beating heart

what the heck
u were the bully

(Idek if you remember me tehee)

3/8/22