I used to laugh in my sleep, the giggles would resonate like church bells during a funeral, hopeful despite the dreariness. I slept so that I could hear myself laugh again.

This went on for weeks, then one day the laughing halted altogether. No more symphonies of hazy laughter and crinkled eyes. Why did something so altering and harmless have to end?

It was a lesson, never become dependent on other people for your happiness. They can give but they can also take.

I found my laughter again in the unsteadiness of the ocean, the moodiness of the current. How the rip tide could carry you away but only if you let it. The sun tasted like serenity and that was where I found my purity. 

I found my laughter again in the words that appeared in the steam of my tea. Cinnamon was the flavor I drank when I knew you but I’ve moved onto blueberry now. They whisper look at this, look at her, look at the world. I drink up their simmering advice.

I found my laughter again in the patience of clouds. How they absorb everything for a little bit, let it all out for a day and then move on. I try not to lock all my worries up inside myself anymore, but when I do I always make sure I have an umbrella handy.
I thought I found my laughter in you but turns out you were only a hiccup that interrupted it.

The first sip was sweet, and tasted like Spring

I was invincible, with you at my wing.

Effortlessly, your company would light up my world,

Under the elm tree together, we’d dance and we'd twirl.

I felt so protected, in the warmth of your embrace,

For an eternity, I would press my lips to your face.

Constantly under the influence of your love,

With you, I felt more peaceful than the dove.

Right when I thought the enchantment couldn’t end,

You did took your life, a wound no one could mend.



I awoke the next morning, a throbbing in my head,

And all I could think of, was you laying there, dead.

Oh how abruptly, you had ended our love,

Now crippled, on the ground, lie our little dove.

No longer I danced, too and fro,

Without my partner, I had no where to go.

Nearing the end, along came fall,

And not returned, was a single call.

I left voicemails, every morning and night,

Just to hear your name, was a temporary delight.

The leaves had changed color, and now hit the ground,

And I realized your heart, was not going to sound.


The snow began falling, along with it Winter.

I couldn’t get you out of my head, you mental splinter.

I was no longer drunk, and the hang over was over

All energy was gone, I was drier than stover.

I was done waiting for you, all patience was gone,

Life had been ended, the final card drawn.

Then I realized, while I awaited you, you were waiting for me

From far above, atop the elm tree

Coming to you, I was on my way,

Waiting here was where I had gone astray.

So I reached into my drawer, and pulled out the gun,

Our lover was not over, it had just begun.

my friends, my friends
we are birds on power lines
huddled for warmth
specks against the grey
surrounded by the late october gloom
and the steam rising up from the gutters
we are restless and sour
eyes pointing outward
-
every step
every teensy, solitary step
sealed with egg shell footprints
womb nostalgia
tenderness found in autumn colored flashes,
moth-wick sparkles, and fried dandelion blossoms
we remember our grandmas’ knuckles,
chipped tiles on the kitchen floor
-
my dear, my dear
we are stray brown tabbies
bellowing rumble, ears stripped of fur
settled into our corner of the front porch
once we were roustabouts;
waltzing to the waxing and wane
carpeted floors gave way to concrete chill
but now the summers seem longer
-
the smell of cardboard,
cinder block walls, and duck pond water
stale memories with naked omens
we turn to face the chilling draft;
tomorrow
harping on and on about grey areas
while we kick up alley gravel
balanced by surface tension
-
under quilts counting freckles
plasma paychecks peddling uphill

This is not a poem,
but an image representing one.

Drink like Kerouac,
Smoke like Bukowski.
Wait...
is that backwards?

know this
distance doesn't matter
time doesn't matter
situation doesn't matter
when you need a shoulder to cry on
or even someone to keep you going
i will be there